AIBU to think that the world (aka mumsnet) is full of really quite petty, unpleasant and uncharitable people?

[Poorlykitten]

So many posts crammed with unpleasantness, folk suggesting dobbing their child’s teachers in for not providing enough work (or too much) or thinking that keyworkers are being too grabby and reporting them to their management or wanting to call the covid police on their neighbours ! I mean has it always been like this or have we just got more nasty and petty in lockdown? I really can’t believe some of the suggestions and posts from mumsnetters and starting to find it a bit much.

Just my personal opinion but I think this current state of 'enforced personal sacrifice for others' is now pushing people over the edge. People are fed up of it & don't want to do it anymore, but they can't speak out in public or they'll be mobbed. That's leading to frustration (that comes out in anonymous posts). It's worrying because all of that frustration can't be contained for ever. It's a good job pubs & other social meeting places are closed because if people gathered together at the moment & voiced these frustrations, they'd find a lot of like minded peers & there'd be civil unrest on a massive scale.

I think that people are way too reactive and often just can't seem to think for themselves or beyond their prejudices.

When there is a crisis and the media whip everyone up into a frenzy people become overly opinionated, nosey, judgmental and turn on others as a response to fear/lack of control.

It reminds me of several years ago, when it became very fashionable to slag off people on benefits.

I do wonder if covid is pushing more people over the edge? So many people struggling and getting frustrated but now, more than ever we need to be kind.

Honestly where I live it's the opposite. I live in a small village and theres been a huge community effort to support each other. Contributions to the local food bank have been huge, proper support for local key workers, lots of people looking out for vulnerable neighbours.

Crisis can bring out the best in communities.

Yes, I agree. Same where I live in my rural idyll but that’s not what’s apparent online sadly.

MN has always been like this, and it’s nothing like the ‘world’

It’s interesting to read so many viewpoints which I had never come across in RL

I don’t think it’s been magnified by Covid - more that the same level condemnation is now directed at activities that other MNetters are doing - like bending rules designed to keep us all safe

Though I agree it can be horrible to be on the receiving end.

It was very unpleasant, the number of times last year I was told I should be in total isolation so other people can go about their lives, and of course am now seeing that those healthier people should be ahead of me in the vaccine queue (as somehow they will be more economically active, something I disagree with, and I’ll be dead anyhow, something that’s would be news to my hospital team!)

Yes I was wondering why Covid was so out of control super mutating and spreading? Someone must be responsible for this as it can’t just be one super spreader but so Covidiots in society who are either simply selfish and reckless or seemingly live on another planet! If only these people were in their own bubble as therefore their Covid footprint and selfish criminal behaviour would be avoidable to other peoples with less health privilege. Perhaps pre pandemic peoples combined and commonplace selfishness had a less tangible societal impact! And so the mean people got away with it traditionally more as our collective individual behaviour today impacts our world tomorrow. Not just carbon but also Covid footprint.

Anxiety and depression bring out the worst in people, it makes them very self centred and changes their perception of events. Unfortunately covid has dramatically increased levels of both in many more people.

Thankfully for some the pandemic has done the opposite, forged a desire to help and support others and to see beyond themselves but they are probably too busy to be on Mumsnet just now 😊

I do think this when I read AIBU, and whenever I read a thread about climate change. Are most people prepared to make sacrifices to try and prevent catastrophic climate change? LOL, no way. They either don’t care, or think other people should do it instead. I’ve never seen so much whataboutery on any other topic.

I am constantly surprised between the contrast on different topics on mn!
For example, the ttc board is super lovely and supportive, and so is the pregnancy one IME.
I'd never post on aibu for fear of a flaming, but I recently asked a question on the coronavirus topic and was torn to shreds!
I also like the more specific subboards, like chicken keepers - it's quite quiet but people are generally pretty nice and helpful.

AIBU is responsible for a lot of the “nasty” Mumsnet experience. Some of the boards are full of genuine, kind posters who really go out of their way to help, Christmas board is a prime example (not everyone’s cup of tea I know). It’s obvious when a post from a niche area of Mumsnet, where the posters on the whole are supportive, ends up in active and posters start responding as if it’s in AIBU and being quite frankly cunts, when another poster points out it’s not an AIBU thread the cunty poster usually backtracks and apologises. AIBU is a scary place at times.

People are cunts. I'm surprised the realisation has just hit you, I've known it ever since I can remember. (I remember thinking it at nursery when I was three or four, although probably didn't use the "c" word then!)

I don’t have that experience in my ‘real’ life fortunately, I’m sorry that @contrmary you do. 😔

I've noticed it too OP.

The vitriol and downright nastiness has ramped right up in about the last fortnight, and not just on AIBU. I've been aghast at some of the replies to threads I've read recently. People seem to be getting some sort of a kick out of it.

I do think it's mostly MN. I don't come across this kind of nit picking judgment in RL or maybe I am just very thick skinned and don't notice it. The anonymity and a misery guts bad eggs do seem to set the tone more often than not though and it can be really miserable at times.

It's also got way worse since the increase in popularity of Twitter. The abrupt rude posting style seems to have transferred over, not to mention the competitive wokeness of some posters.

I still like it though. There's great advice here if you can filter out the snark.

I've got to agree OP and it's getting worse and when people don't like the responses they just get threads removed as 'outing' (I'm talking about you person who wouldn't help an elderly neighbour with her computer )

I'm worried I'm turning into a mean girl @bluecheesefan as I am so aghast at some of the posts. I don't meet people like this in real life and when I have I avoid/ ignore, I need to do this on mumsnet.

Nah, I think lockdown has had a knock on effect of people getting laid enough.

It's the drama triangle OP. People feel positioned against the persecuter, or take on the rescuer or victim roles. I see a lot of people who feel unhappy taking it out on others here.

But I also see kindness and support and that's why I'm still here.

I've been lurking on Mumsnet for over 10 years now and it had always been like this. Just like how every so often someone posts this very same thread.

Teachers, childminders, nurses, GPs, receptionists, waitresses, cleaners, neighbours, ex-classmates, MILs, FILs, SILs, BILs, random car parked on the street, postmen, disabled boy in girls' changing room, suspicious-looking man minding his own business, dog walkers etc have all been the subjects of "report it OP" responses.

That's just people. Some are nice. Some are assholes. Some justified. Some hysterical. All Covid had done is given them another area to direct their ways at.

@Poorlykitten see my thread about weight gain in pregnancy, so many bullies, it's rather sad how people are so rude 😂

"What's classed as excessive weight gain in pregnancy?" was the thread title.