AIBU to complain about smear test experience?

[Ktmc94]

On Monday I contacted my GP surgery to get a new prescription for my pill. I spoke to the nurse who sorted that out but then proceeded to ambush me into a smear test appointment. I have looked into the screening for myself and was not convinced that I wanted to participate (I'm 26). I got flustered and agreed to the appointment thinking that at the very least I could have a discussion with her about it.

Then yesterday I arrived for my appointment. Blood pressure taken for pill and then I was weighed (didn't see the weight on the scale but I'm about a size 14/16). What came next was effectively a lecture about my weight which sent me reeling because I was already feeling nervous and uncomfortable about what was to come.

I was then ordered to strip behind the curtain without further ado, I tried to intimate that I was feeling apprehensive and was basically told to get on with it "it's only 20 seconds it's fine". No reassurance, no chat about the procedure or pros and cons of screening.

She then presented which, to me, looked like a rather large speculum and I voiced my concerns about it and was told that due to my weight a larger size was needed (I have never given birth). I was shell-shocked by this pronouncement and the bloody thing hurt before it was even opened but was once again told to relax and get on with it.

I left the appointment absolutely devastated at being lectured about my weight while feeling too vulnerable to assert myself. Fine, I need to do something about it but to launch immediately into a diabetes and heart disease lecture and then telling me that because I'm a bit chunky it means I must have a fat vag and offering no further explanation on the matter was just too much in my view.

I couldn't sleep last night tossing between wondering if I'm overreacting and feeling very upset about what happened. I phoned the practice manager this morning to discuss what had happened and was not encouraged. She skipped over the part about me trying to make an informed choice before deciding to screen and said "but you're 26 you should have had one by now" and "the nurse has been doing these on a daily basis for 30 odd years" and then rounded off by saying "not in any way to diminish your feelings about what happened" while having no comment on the fact that a weight lecture took up more of the appointment than some much needed reassurance about an invasive test.

I can't find anyone of any size who has been refused even a try with a smaller speculum and if I'm being honest I'm not massively fat, just pandemic misery has got me seeking dopamine in the biscuit tin but she could not have cared less about the state of my mental health. I'm still spotting and cramping which I had to find out for myself were side effects.

@PinkPandaBear

Obesity comes with many health risks. If your weight came up in discussion around contraception then I think a high bmi means you can’t take combination pills.

I’m confused why the nurse said “you’re 26 so you should have had a smear test by now.” I’m under 25 so I can’t have a smear test yet. It’s not like you have had years of opportunities to have a test.

I’m thin so I’m not worried about the weight comments (not sure if you’re overly sensitive or if the nurse has bad bedside manner). However, I’m terrified about having a smear test! It sounds horrific.

@PinkPandaBear

I think some people ''Big them up'' for comedic value... I fainted after my first one, after getting all worked up and anxious.
My brother also keeled over at the Surgery after having a minor procedure, so ''Wuss-iness'' must run in the family.

Much like those ''Fainting Goats''

BUT with a skilled operator, Smears are are fine.

You should complain. It sounds like the nurse behaved appallingly. An intimate examination like that needs the appropriate time taken, and the patient needs to consent! She should have made sure you were comfortable.

The fact that she's done these every day of her working life for years is irrelevant. What is routine to her isn't to you.

Geez there’s some really nasty posts on here

The point is she was nervous and was not put at ease, had no chance to ask questions, and was beaten up about weight

Then when speaking to the Drs today got no where

I am sure the op is aware of weight etc, it’s the smear she wanted putting at ease over, never having had one

I would write to the surgery. Use words such as I feel, I felt, those belong to you and can’t be assumed to be anything else, it’s a fact that’s how you felt

Current guidance during Covid is that the patient has a phone call with the nurse prior to the smear, to check details, discuss gynae history, HPV testing, any concerns etc. This is to minimise the time the patient is in the clinic, reducing risk to themselves and staff. Doesn't sound like this was done. Not good.
We haven't been told to stop smears this lockdown so you shouldn't be 'grateful' for a routine service, but it may have been wise to inform yourself with a little reading before the procedure, particularly in view of your anxiety.
No excuse for her manner however, despite how busy and stressed we all are.
And if your BMI is over 35 you can't have the combined pill (if that's what you're on).

@ToadsThePeanutButterSnob

My best friend had her brain cancer picked up on when she (by chance) had her eyes tested. They noticed a shadow behind her eye and sent her for a scan. Sadly my friend did die but I don't go around lecturing people and telling people how selfish they are for not getting their eyes tested in case they might have a brain tumour.

Awww, I am so sorry about your friend...

YABU - a little.
No one forced you to get a smear. The nurse was literally doing her job.
I don't understand the not wanting to participate comment?
Why would you not? especially if you are sexually active- a smear will pick up active HPV which is responsible for a high percent of cervical cancer, you'd then be monitored more often than the standard 3 years repeat smear.
Granted the nurse could have managed it a bit better.
As for the fat vag comment. The bigger speculum aren't used for that reason. Like a previous poster said it can be if you are tall because tall people tend to have longer vaginal canals so using the short one is often no good and will need to be removed and then the longer one inserted.
I tell them to use the long one!
Those saying op's size is not obese..... for me at 5'10 it isn't but op could be 5' so could be overweight. In which case it is the nurses job to mention the effect of carrying extra weight.

I think PPs are being a bit ridiculous. You clearly had a distressing experience with someone who rushed you and made you feel uncomfortable. Smears are necessary and important, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t also a bit nerve-wracking and uncomfortable. She should have given you space to discuss it fully and explain what she was doing.

@BringMeTea

Snowflakery.

Another graduate from 'The Priti Patel School of Kindness, Compassion, and Empathy.'

@ Ktmc94

I'm not sure you're even coming back OP, but in case you are............

Some of the comments on here have been quite harsh and insensitive IMO, but some have expressed surprise at you for these reasons.

1. You are 26 and have never had a smear test, and are (or have been) sexually active. i.e You are advised to have it done.
2. You are 26 and are apparently incapable of researching the pro's and con's online to make up your mind whether to have a smear test or not.
3. You are 26 but are unable to speak up for yourself in the most basic terms. i.e. say 'actually, I only wanted to.......' Unfortunately, this is the biggest one for me. You are mature enough to have adult relationships, but cannot 'speak up' if you don't want to do something?? How do you manage ?

As an 'adult', you seem to be very 'childlike'............. I'm unsure whether you've always relied on others to do things for you ?

I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you are going to have to get used to speaking up for yourself as, unfortunately, due to Covid, you cannot take someone else with you for 'moral support'.

Wow - some really nasty people on here. I’m sorry you had a bad experience OP. I think you were really brave to ring the practice manager. As for the posters mentioning Jade Goody - I despair. There’s a deep irony that she is the poster girl for smear tests when she, according to sources, HAD smear tests but didn’t go back for treatment after having experienced traumatic previous procedures. I also hate this idea that you need to be grateful for the test, that it is painless (good luck to the pre-menopausal who spout that now) or if it isn’t it’s a badge of honour to grit your teeth and get on with it. Also the idea that it is a test for cancer or even that the cells are looked at. The current protocol in most areas is that the sample is tested for HPV. If it is negative it is not looked at any further. I think @BrumBoo said it all more eloquently WAY up thread. Sorry BrumBoo. Don’t think too many people were listening.

@Terracottasaur

I think PPs are being a bit ridiculous. You clearly had a distressing experience with someone who rushed you and made you feel uncomfortable. Smears are necessary and important, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t also a bit nerve-wracking and uncomfortable. She should have given you space to discuss it fully and explain what she was doing.

Iv agree, but then when op says I tried to intimate that I was feeling apprehensive it sounds like she stood hovering for a second, the nurse chivvied her along and she carried on. How is the nurse meant to interpret tried to intimate?

@SleepingStandingUp I am not sure but it sounds like something I would do and I am autistic.

@lozster, smear tests threads always go the same way. I remember one thread where a poster who had cervical cancer, despite never missing a smear, defended an op who was either scared or didn't want to have an examination, and their very personal experience was shouted over by people just looking to be holier-than-thou. Smears are important, but having women listen to when it comes to their health and worries, and not treated like an inconvenient or like they're being 'silly is equally so.

OP I have only read the first page of replies and I feel for you. She sounds like she had an awful bedside manner so to speak. Just because she has done it for 30 years and it is second nature to her, you were having your first smear so it is irrelevant. Discomfort aside, it can make you feel extremely exposed and vulnerable having these sort of procedures and yes, you do get to make an informed choice about whether you want it. The clue is in the "informed" in which you can make your own choice about whether you want to risk it. Personally I think smears are invaluable, but they are not compulsory.

I had to have a speculum exam yesterday and the GP was extremely caring and reassuring despite knowing i'd had past gynae problems and had given birth three times. She explained everything, treated me with dignity and asked if I was ok repeatedly. I still cried afterwards because as I said, although I don't find them painful thankfully, I do feel extremely exposed and embarrassed. If I'd have had a lecture about my weight at the same time I think i'd have crumbled. It is all in the way it is delivered.

@Awalkintime

I get this often with anything I go for, my friend too. We joke we'd get a diagnosis of fat for tonsillitis.

However, I am quite assertive now and ask them the following:

Would you say the same thing is a thin person presented with the same concerns what would you say?

If a thin person presented with these symptoms what treatment options would be available?

You can take such comments and make them fit into whatever issue you are having with your GP but people being rude towards people who are overweight is a huge issue in the NHS.

This ^ in spades.

I have been told off by a nurse for being 'overweight' before, and as I said earlier, a few weeks later, another nurse said I didn't need to worry, and I was OK. (I was the same weight a few weeks later, and was roughly 1.5 stone over my recommended weight.)

Also, yeah, some nurses (and doctors) blame tonsillitis, a mouth ulcer, smelly farts, hangnails, dry hair, itchy skin, or just about ANYthing, on your weight.

It's their go-to whinge at anyone and everyone who is half a pound over their 'recommended' weight.

My DH's ideal weight is anything between 11 stone, and 12 stone. (He is 5 ft 11.) If he was 11 stone, he would look like he needed to be in hospital.11 stone is a ridiculous weight for him. He looks his best, and is his healthiest at 13 stone.

Some of the nurses (and doctors) are like dentists; no matter what you do, or DON'T do, they have to complain and whinge, and have a go at you. Like you can clean and brush and floss your teeth for all you're worth, several times a day, every day, and the dentists will still say you could 'improve' your cleaning skills.

When you get slagged off, no matter what you do, it makes you not want to bother making any effort.

It seems a lot of people are unaware that informed consent needs to be given, no matter how important the procedure.

I have no idea what all the ‘get on with it’ lectures from the Girl Guides Jolly Hockeysticks Book of Stuff and Nonsense are meant to achieve but they show a staggering lack of understanding of the principles of consent and the impetus on practitioners to be gentle and supportive so as not to traumatize women and discourage them from seeking help again.

I I have found to harder to perform speculum exams on larger women due to the weight of tissue at times, but would certainly not comment on this or try to frighten anyone by mentioning the size of the speculum selected.

You are within your rights to complain and the women falling over themselves to insist that because smears are important the usual principles of autonomy, dignity and care don’t apply should be ashamed of themselves and perhaps consider in what other areas of life they have such outdated misogynistic views.

Nobody is arguing that dignity and autonomy don’t apply...we’re just arguing that based on what the OP has described and her seemingly sensitive demeanour, it doesn’t seem as though any of these things were compromised in this instance.

@FooFighter99

You want to "make an informed decision" about whether you want a test that detects cancer...?

WTF?!?

Why wouldn't you want to know if you had cervical cancer?? I honestly can't think of any reason why anyone would turn down a free test that could save their life

OP, with all due respect, you need to get a grip.

There are many many reasons someone would refuse this test.

The majority of these replies are abhorrent.

You are completely in your rights to have an issue with what happened to you. And yes, it is possible to be ambushed/takes into something at the time that time wouldn't necessarily agree to if you had the time to process it.

Please, please ignore all these obnoxious women telling you you're at deaths door and should be grateful you had the procedure.

Fucking hell.

I think it probably didn’t even occur to the nurse that you were not 100% committed to getting the test and therefore she didn’t pick up on your intimations. Health professionals are also being encouraged to keep appointments to a minimum at the moment for obvious reasons so she probably wanted to do it as quickly as possible. The speculum are quite big but they save lives.

And as an aside, has anyone ever gone on to actually lose weight having been given a humiliating bollocking by a nurse prior to an invasive vaginal exam? Is that a method that goes on to produce good results?

My money is on no.

@daisyjgrey me (sorry to be “that” person). My GP bluntly pointed out I had gained a significant amount of weight since my last appointment and I now had an overweight BMI. He wasn’t unkind, just factual. It did spur me on to shed a stone-I hadn’t realised I had an unhealthy bmi until that point (although I’m sure this isn’t the case for everyone).

@BrumBoo thank you for that analysis. I will always blame myself though. But I'm "cured" now and I will never be so stupid again.

And also always encourage other women to go for their smear tests too.

Some of you lot disgust me.

Anybody who is telling OP that she is "ungrateful" and "childish" needs to take a long walk off a short pier. Having a smear test is a different experience for everybody and this nurse sounded incredibly unprofessional. Unless you were in the same room as the OP, STFU! No woman should be pressured into having one. It's RECOMMENDED but not mandatory. And more importantly, it is her choice.

Try having a tad more empathy and compassion for once in your miserable lives.

I'm so sorry, OP. I think your only mistake was posting in AIBU which is populated by a load of smug, heartless, unempathetic, vile excuses of human beings. I really feel for their children, such great role model mothers they have