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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who's being unreasonable?

33 replies

Flower8 · 13/01/2021 08:27

Ok this is going to seem really silly, but I'm just asking as i have trouble seeing thing's clearly as i have anxiety ect.

Ok so last night bf came over after not seeing him for a few day's. He was in a bad mood, didn't speak much to me ect anyway, we go to bed late and he's on his phone (not a problem) but with the volume up the whole way with it pinging every 10 seconds, it's now 11.45 and I've got to be up for work early. So i maybe a bit too sharply made a comment about it. To which he gets up slams the door whilst saying I'll see you when i next see you and goes to sleep on the sofa, gets up and leaves this morning.

Now should i be apologising? It's triggered me into a massive anxiety spiral and now work seems so overwhelming. Sorry i know this seems so stupid but i don't feel i did anything wrong?

OP posts:
DartmoorChef · 13/01/2021 08:30

I wouldn't want to see him again. He sounds rude and ignorant.

JorisBonson · 13/01/2021 08:30

Why should you be apologising to a childish arsehole?

Is he normally like this?

dementedpixie · 13/01/2021 08:31

He sounds annoying, I wouldn't apologise. I have a 'do not disturb' set on my phone from 10pm so notifications are silenced until 8am the next day.

Shoxfordian · 13/01/2021 08:31

He sounds like a knob

JustanAunt · 13/01/2021 08:32

Sounds like he was begging for a reason to stomp off. He was being selfish and rude in your home. I don’t think you did anything wrong

20viona · 13/01/2021 08:34

He's an Arsehole ditch him.

Imiss2019 · 13/01/2021 08:36

Gives you the silent treatment and sits with his phone pinging loudly when he knows your trying to sleep. Come on he was itching for a reason to storm off.
You can do better than this

Xmasgrump · 13/01/2021 08:37

I’d text him “after last nights performance, don’t bother seeing me again, it’s over” and block.

Life is far too short to put up with dramas. Plus losing his rag so quickly is a huge red flag.

HeddaGarbled · 13/01/2021 08:38

He was looking for a fight. He sounds nasty.

Original poster
Flower8 · 13/01/2021 08:39

I've major fixer tendencies, so go into the mode of if i apologies It will all be ok and i won't be ignored now for the day, and it will avoid some sort of attack later on. He said i had been weird with him all day which i really hadn't been. Just felt like he was trying to turn it onto me

@JorisBonson errmm can be yes, usually if i voice something it will end in an argument or silence, usually if he sleeps out on the sofa he does come to bed around 2am.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 13/01/2021 08:40

Think you're better off without him tbb

JohnBarron · 13/01/2021 09:08

He sounds like a manipulative arsehole. Of course you shouldn’t apologise, you don’t have anything to apologise for.

Amdone123 · 13/01/2021 09:29

Agree with everyone here. Do not apologise, you have done nothing wrong. There is nothing worse than trying to get to sleep and someone preventing that. A good partner would facilitate this not make it worse. It sounds to me like he was looking for an argument. Maybe he wants to call it a day? Do him a favour and get rid yourself x

EternalOptimist7 · 13/01/2021 09:32

Reading that makes me go cold because I have experienced that treatment & it’s bloody awful. You deserve so much better OP.

Fairyliz · 13/01/2021 09:35

Honest he’s not worth it. Sounds like you are not living together so nothing to sort out. Just dump him, seeing your boyfriend should be fun not something that leaves you anxious.

shitinmyhandsandclap · 13/01/2021 09:37

I bet your anxiety is worse when he's around OP? Get rid, life's too short

VettiyaIruken · 13/01/2021 09:38

That was very twatish of him.
You don't owe him an apology.
Or a relationship for that matter.

Misshapencha0s · 13/01/2021 09:40

No apology necessary. Leave him be for now.

Dogscanteatonions · 13/01/2021 09:42

God know you don't owe him an apology, sounds like he was itching for an excuse.

Very insensitive to have his phone volume on while you're trying to sleep

Winterwoollies · 13/01/2021 09:43

He’s manipulative, volatile and cruel. Please get rid of him.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 13/01/2021 09:44

You need to bin him.
If you continue to see him I really believe your anxiety will increase to the point he will make you ill.

LannieDuck · 13/01/2021 10:10

If you apologise, make sure you're apologising for something you think you did wrong, and not just to stop him sulking. Personally, I can't see anything you did wrong last night.

Original poster
Flower8 · 13/01/2021 10:17

I think it's worse because i suffer really badly with sleep induced migraines, so have to be careful. Tbh this just adds to other thing's that have happened.

No we don't live together i rent my own place. My anxiety has definitely been a lot worse i always feel like I'm waiting for an argument or to do something wrong.

For example if I'm on my phone too much or too little it's suspicious, or my house is a bit chaotic as I've not got on top of it, or i change my WhatsApp picture he doesn't approve of just shit like that and it's tiring and frankly boring.

OP posts:
Calmandmeasured1 · 13/01/2021 10:21

So bin him for good. Why would you let him treat you that way!

Mackerelpizza · 13/01/2021 10:35

You're anxious because he's abusing you.

I think you would benefit from the Freedom Programme course.

You deserve so much better than this from a relationship.

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