To treat myself

[FolkyFoxFace]

I'm due to give birth in the next few months - it's my first baby.

I've spent most of my pregnancy trying really hard to save as much as possible for the baby, getting things prepared. I've bought myself a few nice bits and bobs of maternity wear, but to be honest ended up mainly in PJ's or lounge wear due to lockdown.

Anyway, now that it's getting closer I'm thinking of treating myself to a big box of nice things from myself...mainly for that first month/few weeks after birth.

So far I've thought about a nice perfume, PJ's/nighties, maybe some bath stuff (if I'm allowed to get baths?), maybe a book or two. I don't want to go overboard and I don't want DH to choose things, because as lovely as he is he won't know exactly what I need. Although I'm not sure I do at the moment!

I am however struggling with the idea of wasting money - am I unreasonable to get some nice bits, or will it be a total waste?

If I'm not unreasonable, is my list crap or missing something major? I've got an older sister with kids but she didn't bother as she was gifted all kinds - I'm not a fan of even virtual baby showers so it's on me!

One of the things that I ordered not long after my first baby arrived was a decent bean bag style foot rest... ideal for getting my feet up and comfy without the hardness under my ankles

My thoughts:
No you are definitely not being unreasonable
Perfume might seem like a good idea now but chances are you might HATE baby smelling of your perfume and if you plan to breastfeed it’s best to get unscented toiletries as sense of smell is used by baby in feeding
If you enjoy reading definitely treat yourself to a kindle. I’m a book collector and mad on physical books but they’re an absolute lifesaver.

I find the concept of it being 'treating yourself' because you've had a baby a bit odd...the baby IS the treat! Feel free to hand them over, a newborn would be a lovely treat for me! (50 now, no more babies 😢)

I disagree. A baby isn't a treat! It's a baby...a person you're bringing into the world. And I'm almost 50 but the thought of a baby...well, I've done that! I wouldn;t fancy it again to be honest!

Most of your time, thoughts and money are going to go to that baby so yes, buying yourself some nice things is something you might think twice about. But it's fine OP! Get yourself some nice things...and keep doing it!

I would suggest a kindle or e-reader, nice and easy to read one handed while holding baby. Easy to grab snacks for the days baby won't be put down for you to make food. Dry shampoo for the days you just don't have time to wash your hair. Nice hand cream, especially if you are bottle feeding and will have bottles to wash. Decent nipple cream if breastfeeding.

After you’ve gave birth you can feel a wide range of emotions. I felt vulnerable, worn out and low. If I had had a box it would have definitely picked me up.

I would go for:
A few pairs of pjs
Slippers
Throw
Books/magazines
Some of your fav snacks
A face mask
Nail varnish
A nice pair of underwear (once the hellish bleeding has stopped!!)
A new outfit

Personally I didn’t wear perfume for a few months after I had my little girl. She loved snuggling up to the crook of my neck and I didn’t want to overload her senses. That and they all say babies recognise their mum’s smell.

Good luck with your impeding arrival 👶🏻

the baby IS the treat!

Yes the sleep depriving, nipple-gouging, projectile pooping treat! Na, fuck off with that sentiment. Of course your baby is amazing but you will sure as hell deserve to treat yourself in those first weeks because the baby will not fix every negative feeling you have, will most likely cause them 🤷‍♀️ lots of positives too of course but it is hard work and you shouldn't be made to feel ungrateful if it isn't a bed of roses because that is setting yourself up for failure.

Honestly, I feel like you're in for a shock when the baby gets here.

Treat yourself now. Read as much as you can now.

I had a really easy baby and I still couldn't manage much.

How about setting up one of those cake or brownie subscriptions.....just to surprise yourself on a dull day when you've forgotten about it. Or maybe some of those graze snacks. Totally agree kindle or other very light to hold e-reader is only way to read. A BF baby will stop feeding, turn round and bat a book away again and again...gets painful!

My mum got me a little box of things when I had my daughter, it included
Chocolate
Insulated cup for hot drinks
Water bottle
Comfy socks

I used my kindle a lot rather than books as I always went to bed when DD did but sometimes it was very early! The one thing I didn't have which I would next time is a cup holder for the pram. I love my pram but trying to carry a drink too was a pain (and only gets worse as they get older!)

A must op is two cups one for cool water and one for hot drinks that won't spill. You need to hydrate if breastfeeding and also will never drink a hot drink again else!
Also a snack box of nice food if breastfeeding, it's very hard to make meals during day if alone.
Get some nice box sets or a nice warm pj's and feeding pillow and some nice breastfeeding bras esp if you have massive boobs!
Also be careful with sented stuff as I was like a bloodhound post birth and didn't like strong smells at all

I'd wait and see what you need after the birth and order it with Express delivery then. I used to always wear perfume but stopped when my first was born as it rubs off on them and runs that nice clean milky smell. I didnt really have time for baths and bled quite a lot anyway and had sensitive nether regions so wouldnt have wanted anything bath related.
A few weeks after the birth though I did get some extra cozy night wear for keeping warm when feeding in the night, and a kindle with a light up screen so I could feed the baby in the dark and still read, without waking myself up too much with the light generated by a phone

I'd wait til the baby is there and it will become very clear what you need and want and order it online

I think you need to get out of the mindset of doing nice things for yourself is something to feel guilty about just because you have a child. You are on a fast track to become a martyr that way. Obviously if there is necessities that the baby needs that will come first. But you are not 'wasting money' by also taking care of yourself if you can afford it.

You should absolutely treat yourself, and you deserve to be cared for too.

Don't buy perfume though, it interferes with the bonding process with your baby, and you may find it sickly and unpleasant even if you normally wear it.

Buy things to bring you comfort.

I highly recommend something comfy that isn't loungewear. Once the initial swelling went down I bought 2 pairs of Sainsbury's Luxury leggings - whatever the state of lockdown etc, it'll be spring, so you'll want to go for walks.

My DH bought me a Hotel Chocolat Velvetiser which is amazing but not cheap, but maybe think about something like good hot chocolate, Whittards-style instant teas, Teapigs herbal, or whatever else you like but wouldn't normally spend £££ on.

If you like writing then how about a 100 year diary for your or the baby? You could print out photos and keep mementos and stick them in too.
Link

Congratulations!
Definitely treat yourself. These are shite times and the first months with a baby are hard.

I wouldn't buy perfume or anything smelly though - in fact for the first year I recommend unscented soap and lotion because the baby wants to smell YOU, not lavender! Your smell will be hugely comforting to them

I was really hot the first few weeks so I'd recommend lighter, button down pyjamas (if breastfeeding) and some nice bedlinen.
And food. Lots of nice food

Things I ended up treating myself to in the newborn phase:
Some lovely new pillows (to use for breastfeeding) and a nice big cushion to prop myself up with when in bed.
New bedding.
Soft clothes. I've had both a c section and vaginal birth with many stitches and both leave you wanting to avoid stiff/hard/scratchy materials for a good long while! Soft leggings and trousers, loungewear style, are perfect. If breastfeeding then make sure you have breastfeeding-friendly tops too. I'll add here: cotton pjs. Post natal sweats are a thing and often hit at night. Breathable fabrics are much nicer than synthetic when this happens!
Lavender oil for the bath and bath salts to help with healing.

Treat yourself!!!!

Spend twice the amount you planned and enjoy X

Of course you deserve some lovely treats for growing a baby and going through labour. It's tough and it's all about the baby once they arrive.

Like everyone has said I'd swerve the perfume for now. But definitely invest in:

a lovely water bottle
Some posh chocs and biscuits
A little bottle of champagne
Some nursing tops if BF
Some new cotton underwear
Some pjs
Hair mask and face mask
Refreshing eye drops

A good travel mug (the Nespresso one is great as it keeps drinks properly hot, or cold, for hours) for you to drink without spilling as you feed baby or are sitting under a sleeping baby - you will Need to keep your own fluids up whether breast or bottle feeding so I used to have a pint glass of squash and a large mug of tea beSide me for every feed (travel mugs not really around then).

Book of Sudokus or crosswords or word searches - again for those sitting down times, as I couldn't concentrate on a full book but those kept me from going to complete mush. I used a mechanical pencil with mine (no need to pare down, there was a rubber for mistakes).

Netflix, prime, or some service to have interesting programmes for you while you are sitting feeding, or relaxing while baby sleeps. Or have things downloaded on an iPad or similar, to watch in different places. Films maybe,but more likely box sets for both available time and ability to concentrate reasons.

Comfy pjs maybe, but I tended to get dressed and preferred having comfortable clothes to relax in, do some gentle exercises (gentle stretches not running marathons) and could be washed and dried easily to cope with regular Poonami nappies or milky spits on your shoulder etc.

Nice bath stuff, or even a good shower gel to enjoy showers as they may be short at times.

Possibly a fleece blanket for over your knees when sitting feeding - just a lap blanket, Primark and IKEA versions are perfect and cheap but fluffy and nice and help keep you warm.

Oh I know I mentioned bed linen already but I definitely think that the ££ I spent on linen bedding was so worth it. It's much more breathable than cotton and cool in the summer too. I also recommend darker colours... I umm, perspired a lot during the first few hormonal weeks!

Also 100% cotton pants. Preferably with a high waistband.

I got given nice bath stuff, but tbh if I had enough time for a bath I always napped instead!

This is not stuff as such, but if you have extra cash to part with, deliveroo plus and some nice food deliveries and a cleaner for a deep clean are fab ways to treat yourself!

Not sure if I would splash out on fancy bedlinen- especially if breastfeeding or co sleeping.

Bleeding will continue for a good while after birth, I was breastfeeding and I leaked huge amounts of milk- had to go to bed with towels to soak up the wetness. Sweating lots after birth is common too as the body lets go of excess fluids.

If you have baby in bed then there is a risk of pee, poop and vomit to add into the mix.

Not the time for fancy sheets!!

Maybe a subscription to hellofresh or similar?

Not sure if I would splash out on fancy bedlinen- especially if breastfeeding or co sleeping

Mattress protector is what's needed, those sickly sweet milk puddles....even if FF I assume you leak a bit as your supply dries up??

Oh wow, I didn't expect so many brilliant comments! I got myself into a right faff (pregnancy insomnia and general discomfort) last night trying to justify buying things to myself, and even think of what to get!

These suggestions are priceless, honestly. The perfume one makes so much sense now that it's been pointed out - I'm so glad that I asked now!

I think I'll be investing in some nice low/no scent soaps and deodorants so that I can still feel nice and clean without worrying about the smell rubbing off on the baby. Definitely a donut pillow, PJ's, and good underwear!

The bed linen idea is fab too. I've recently got a new (probably too big, but it's wonderful) bed so some proper bed linen sounds lush. I think a mix of some nice ones and some not so nice ones for those sweaty and baby mess nights would be useful. 😁

I hadn't thought about a Kindle but that's definitely something I'll need. I've also been toying with getting Netflix for a while so I think I'll bite the bullet and invest - I think the idea of being alone after DH finishes paternity leave is quite overwhelming, so I've been blanking it out a bit. This kind of thing makes thinking about it much easier.

I must sound like such a wimp/martyr in this thread. 😂 I promise I'm not usually so wet! Money isn't an issue at the moment so I think I've just got myself into a really silly headspace - I had a miscarriage in 2019 so I've been so concentrated on the idea of this baby having all it could want for, that I've forgotten about myself a bit in the process.

Someone above mentioned a cleaner - I considered this for the first few weeks and initially dismissed it, but now it's back on the table because I don't need the extra stress of cleaning. DH does the majority of it at the moment anyway, but when he's back I want him to spend time with the baby and me anyway.

Honestly, thank you all so much. I feel really positive now and I'm going to drop the "anything for me is selfish" mindset because that way madness lies!

@SatsumasOrClementines

If you like writing then how about a 100 year diary for your or the baby? You could print out photos and keep mementos and stick them in too. ]]

This looks perfect! I used to love journaling and as sappy as it sounds, I'd love to capture as much as I can because I know how quickly everyday memories fade when you're busy and tired. I love this!