My son is 20yrs old. He has autism and I was a single parent by the time he was four. I remarried, when he was ten. Ex left weeks after son’s diagnosis and refused to accept ASD. Ex was seeing someone else and was barely at home anyway. DH now, has brought him up, helped me, supported us in every way possible and I’m lucky, very lucky to have him.
Things were tough in the years I was a single parent. Ex stopped paying mortgage so, I went on to interest only payments and continued to work nights as a nurse. Kept things afloat. Just.
Divorce was longwinded as Ex wasn’t happy with equity split and the fact I could remain in the 2 bed property til our son was 18. Must add, Ex had no savings and was heavily in debt when we got together. I put the deposit down for our home and paid for our small wedding. Ex was always pretty atrocious with his spending and would often just spend a few thousand in himself without thinking of me or DS. Didn’t even consult me. In the final divorce settlement Ex was ordered by the court to pay for half of ds’s activities/private health care (only £24 a month) and maintenance at standard rate % of his salary. Ex told me what he earned... I went with that. He could be aggressive and frankly, I was just glad that he was someone else’s problem, so to speak.
For 12 years, Ex said his salary hadn’t changed. I didn’t want to rock the boat so just went along with it. When DS was 18, Ex said he was stopping payment despite divorce settlement stating he must continue until ds left education. In the process of starting up the payments again, I went to CMS who said, based on Ex’s salary he’d underpaid by £240 per month for years. So, the amount was increased. Ex had never paid for other things specified in the divorce. Has seen little of DS and has never accepted his disability despite several autism specialists (over the years) telling Ex to come see them and they would explain son’s condition to Ex, he never turned up to the appointments.
I still work and provide a home for DS. He has extensive needs and thanks to hospitalisation, his education ran on, an extra year. Then COVID. So, at 20, because DS is still at college, DH has said enough! No more payments. Again.
Am I being greedy? Completely unreasonable in expecting Ex to still pay something to help with son’s keep? I’ve absolutely no idea hiw ds’s step dad and myself can keep him on our salary. The CMS wrote to Ex to say he no longer had to pay maintenance due to the “child’s” age but, he really ought to pay something until DS finishes college, in June, I feel.
I’m exhausted by it, tbh. Should I just drop it and struggle?
DS will never be independent. He’ll most likely live with me and his step dad, always.