Why do I feel this way

[Crackinglife]

Feeling extremely shit this morning, partner and I together 10 years have one dd mortgage together etc
When we got together I told him I wanted 3-4 children, he also said he wanted 3 children, he said we could try for our dd then changed his mind so I waited ( nagged ) for 3 years until he decided we could try it then took a few years to conceive dd, he said we could try for another baby once dd was 1 year old, we had a lot of problems mainly because of mil and her jealous nasty ways, I had to removed myself from family events because the stress was too much, she was really quite challenging at some point, he said we couldn't try for a baby because of how things are with his family so I made the effort to see speak to Them and they ignored me, they've never been interested in dd despite me inviting them over and trying to be friends with them ( sil's ) dd is now 3 and he is still saying no to another baby depsite my efforts to make amends with his family who did me wrong, aibu to want to leave to be with someone who isn't going to string me along ? I'm feeling mega shit and guilty for wanting a baby!

Should have said I'm in my 30's so not all the time in the world to have kids

Why is he not backing you up if his family are nasty to you?

He says he doesn't hear the comments mil made or when he does hear them he says I've taken it the wrong way etc I've asked friends and family and they say I haven't taken it the wrong way and it was said nastily etc

He hasn’t got your back when his family are pure bastards to you so he’s not going to be on your side when it comes to having another child. You hang on wishing he’ll change - he dangles a promise in front of you knowing he never will.

Why would you want another child with someone who doesn’t seem to be on your side, and who dangles the promise of another child in front of you as an endlessly-deferred reward for good behaviour?

Leave.

He doesn't want another kid 🤷‍♀️

Move on, find someone better who wants the same things.

Hopefully having written it all down here you can see how beholden you are to him, and that is no way to live.

I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone like that. Sorry OP!

Ask yourself "do our values and life plans align?"

I think you have the answer, from your post. You've been clear about what you want. Now you have to ask "if he doesn't want the same things from life and doesn't value what I value, can it work?" If the answer is yes, it means putting aside all you want, for him and his antagonistic family.

I wish you luck for your next chapter - just know that you can do it!

@tuttifuckinfruity

Leave.

He doesn't want another kid 🤷‍♀️

Move on, find someone better who wants the same things.

Hopefully having written it all down here you can see how beholden you are to him, and that is no way to live.

👏🏼👏🏻👏🏽👏🏾

Leave because he isn't committed to you or your life together.. He is still attached to mil.
Spineless twat not having your back op...

He did have a word with mil but never Infront of me, so not sure what was said, I saw a few messages saying things had upset me and he didn't want it to carry on but she still came weekly regardless of anything, he always had a go at me and said I just want him to fall out with her which wasn't the case I just wanted to be respected where dd was concerned and to not feel so bullied

Fwiw if someone was treating him that way I would have told them to leave and not come back till they can act decently and not treat him that way

To the poster who says about having a baby as a reward I'm glad you put that because I've thought that before, felt like a right child when I thought it too xx

You sound so passive and so controlled by this weak twat.

It is not normal nor healthy to beg a man for children.

Where is your self respect?

Have you any?

He sounds so awful.

You have handed over complete power to this waster who really isn't in to you.

By all means continue on with him and his awful family if that's what you want.

Waste more years on this relationship.

You will bitterly regret your choices of that you can be sure.

He has shown you exactly who he is but you refuse to believe him.

Your poor daughter.

Get out and get some self respect.

@billy1966 what do you mean by I sound so passive ?

And my poor daughter ? She isn't involved she's a happy Healthy lovely little girl

I agree with the rest of what you've written thou xx

Having babies aside, time's a wasting, OP. Whether you have 1 child or 6, where you're at isn't the right place, for you or your DD. Leave misery behind.

Yes,madness he makes ALL the baby decisions...and you put up with that.

I agree you sound passive. ''He said no'' ..... ''I waited'' come on. His family are shit. He's shit.

"Passive" as in you are not in any way in control of your life.
He is making ALL the decisions including telling you he won't have another child because you are not accepting enough shite from his family.

Passive.

You deserve better.
Your daughter deserves better.

Thank you for your replies, it's what I needed to hear. Everything he has said is wrong as to why we can't have a baby I've changed and it's still not good enough so I guess he hasn't got the guts to tell me he doesn't want anymore at all as he keeps saying he wants more but not until things are better even though I've tried to sort things xx

If he doesn't want another baby then that's not unreasonable of him. I don't believe anyone should be pressured (or "nagged") into having a child they don't want. Where he is being very unreasonable is using your relationship with his family as an excuse instead of just being honest and admitting that he doesn't want anymore children. Dangling the promise of another baby like a carrot in exchange for you tolerating disrespect from his Mum and Sisters is manipulative and cowardly.

I guess he hasn't got the guts to tell me he doesn't want anymore at all as he keeps saying he wants more but not until things are better even though I've tried to sort things Hes definitely not telling you somthing and stringing you along. To keep you quiet.

Do you feel you could approach him and ask this out straight,obviously in a calm manner so he feels like he could tell the truth?

Although I hate the idea of having to gently coax the truth from anybody

Dangling the promise of another baby like a carrot in exchange for you tolerating disrespect from his Mum and Sisters is manipulative and cowardly yes this is the worst part. OP, tell him this is how you feel.

Yes I have asked him if he doesn't want anymore children and said I'd accept that if he doesn't but he says he does want more children it would be easier if he said he didn't xx

@Crackinglife

Yes I have asked him if he doesn't want anymore children and said I'd accept that if he doesn't but he says he does want more children it would be easier if he said he didn't xx

But OP, why are you even considering having another baby with someone who appears behave rather dismissively towards you, and who is more worried about you tolerating bad behaviour from his family than in enforcing them behaving well towards you? This really doesn't seem like a great situation either for you to be in, or to bring a new baby into, so I am wondering why his general attitude isn't making you rethink.