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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do I feel this way

46 replies

Crackinglife · 12/01/2021 10:33

Feeling extremely shit this morning, partner and I together 10 years have one dd mortgage together etc
When we got together I told him I wanted 3-4 children, he also said he wanted 3 children, he said we could try for our dd then changed his mind so I waited ( nagged ) for 3 years until he decided we could try it then took a few years to conceive dd, he said we could try for another baby once dd was 1 year old, we had a lot of problems mainly because of mil and her jealous nasty ways, I had to removed myself from family events because the stress was too much, she was really quite challenging at some point, he said we couldn't try for a baby because of how things are with his family so I made the effort to see speak to Them and they ignored me, they've never been interested in dd despite me inviting them over and trying to be friends with them ( sil's ) dd is now 3 and he is still saying no to another baby depsite my efforts to make amends with his family who did me wrong, aibu to want to leave to be with someone who isn't going to string me along ? I'm feeling mega shit and guilty for wanting a baby!

OP posts:

BaggoMcoys · 12/01/2021 17:32

I agree with the other posters. His overall attitude towards you seems bad and disrespectful. He's perfectly in his rights to refuse children, but his behaviour around it is wrong. Sperm is dime a dozen, and his doesn't sound like a particularly grand prize.

KatherineJaneway · 13/01/2021 07:46

Yes I have asked him if he doesn't want anymore children and said I'd accept that if he doesn't but he says he does want more children it would be easier if he said he didn't

Actions speak louder than words. By paying lip service to wanting another child he keeps you hanging on and ensures you don't leave.

billy1966 · 13/01/2021 09:06

@Crackinglife

Yes I have asked him if he doesn't want anymore children and said I'd accept that if he doesn't but he says he does want more children it would be easier if he said he didn't xx

He is stringing you along as he raises the hoop higher for you to jump through.🙄

I wouldn't expect him to stay faithful.
Protect yourself.

Mackerelpizza · 13/01/2021 09:14

He was controlling in other ways when you posted previously, wasn't he?

It's sad that you're living this way with him stringing you along to keep control of you.

Take control of your own life instead of waiting for him to grant you control.

Original poster

Crackinglife · 16/01/2021 12:37

So I've asked him for a time frame of how long he wants me to wait for him to want to try and he said not longer than 6 months !! So I asked if we would defo try in 6 months to which he said i want us to be back to how we were first !! Now I've made all the effort in the world with his family and it's not been good enough!! I asked how I could change things so he would want to ttc with me as he keeps saying he wants more children ! He said just be yourself and stop going on about it, and to stop asking him all the time ! Just be myself ? Surely I am myself and if that's the reason he would want to try now ? Aibu or is he defo stringing me along ? I feel so deluded and stupid to believe we'd try in 6 months I mean who puts a time like that on it ?

OP posts:

KatherineJaneway · 16/01/2021 13:24

Aibu or is he defo stringing me along?

He's stringing you along. In six months he'll ask for another six months. As I said earlier, actions speak louder than words. He doesn't want more kids.

Original poster

Crackinglife · 16/01/2021 14:07

That's what I thought too but he's made me feel so worthless over it all xx

OP posts:

billy1966 · 16/01/2021 14:17

He couldn't be plainer.
Absolutely no interest in more children.
Doesn't care enough for you to be honest.

He actually sounds like a really selfish twat.

He just enjoys the sport of having you jump through hoops.

His actions couldn't be clearer.

Mind yourself and believe him.

Lifeisabeach09 · 16/01/2021 14:26

This man is terrible for your self-esteem.

He disrespects you, as PP have said, strings you along, his family don't like you and you feel you have to change yourself.

This is not a man to have another child with.

KatherineJaneway · 16/01/2021 15:21

That's what I thought too but he's made me feel so worthless over it all xx

It's all about what he wants. He says things and promises things to get what he wants I.e. You to stay and not have any more children.

You have to decide what you want for your life and pursue that.

Original poster

Crackinglife · 16/01/2021 19:23

@Mackerelpizza yes I think controlling in other ways tonight I said I could do the food shop to which he said no he will do it as he wants to look for some different food he wants to eat this week - he does the food shop every week ! I don't feel like a woman I feel like a child !! Ok food shop is rather boring but I would like to do the house hold food shop once in a while ! If he doesn't want me to over spend he could always draw the cash out and let me go shopping like that ! I'm allowed to do the top up food shop in the week !!

OP posts:

Original poster

Crackinglife · 16/01/2021 19:24

I should add that it would have been nice to get out the house for an hour and just have a look round the shop !! He goes off for a run or play football ( pre covid ) 3 x a week!!

OP posts:

Winterwoollies · 16/01/2021 21:07

He’s controlling you, keeping you submissive and where he wants you, not allowing you to do things for yourself and is pretending to want more kids to do it. It’s sick. He’s a shit from a shit family, by the sound of it.

Original poster

Crackinglife · 16/01/2021 22:09

@Winterwoollies definitely not normal is it?!! It's all done in a nice way too so I look like the weirdo grabby cow !! Xx

OP posts:

Santaiscovidfree · 16/01/2021 22:11

He is worried you may meet a nice normal man at the supermarket and realise he is an actual cunt...

BlueSuffragette · 16/01/2021 22:24

Sorry OP but hes6 done a real number on you. Got you strung just where he wants you knowing you hang on in desperation for the dangling carrot of TTC if and only when he's ready. But he won't ever be. He's in control.

Winterwoollies · 16/01/2021 22:34

I hope you get free of him, OP, I really do.

I don’t know about other posters but reading endless threads about women in awful relationships with repulsive men, makes me feel very depressed. This site may be anonymous but I can’t help but wonder about each of these women and hope to fuck they got free.

Aurelia1313 · 16/01/2021 23:12

Actions speak louder than words, he says he wants more but he obviously doesn't. He doesn't seem to respect you either, he should be very upset with his families' behaviour.
Also it is dangerous to think your daughter isn't involved, happy parents demonstrating how to love and communicate and respect each other are vastly important. Would you want your future daughter to accept a man like your partner? I suspect you both deserve better.

Original poster

Crackinglife · 16/01/2021 23:37

No I would hate for my daughter to be begging for her dreams of children etc if she was in my position I would absolutely hate it, she deserves the best xx

OP posts:

schoolcook · 17/01/2021 09:33

And so do you @Crackinglife !!!
Don't sell yourself short, you and your DD deserve SO much better than this.

Original poster

Crackinglife · 17/01/2021 21:16

@schoolcook Thank you xxx

OP posts:

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