To ask those with older children - what age did you find hardest?

[annie987]

I was debating this earlier with a friend. We both have similar aged children but completely disagreed on our favourite / least favourite age - she hated terrible twos but liked the teenage years whereas I’m the polar opposite.
This led us to wonder if there is a general consensus out there.
So which age did you find easiest / most difficult?

Another vote for teens.

Teen years definitely

Teenagers by a country mile!
Not a fan of under 1s though, even though adorable.

I was speaking to my mum about this recently. She said she found baby and toddler years the hardest because communication was hard. At least as a teenager I would shout that I hated her cooking, whereas as a baby I would just cry and vomit and she didn’t know why!

My grandmother who used to be a nursery nurse said just the opposite.

I found it much harder emotionally at ages 17-19 when they are out and about, learning to drive, drink, travelling abroad. It's very hard to step back and not micromanage them and worry about all the risks you can't protect them from.

This for me too.

Dd is almost 20 and left home last year and is studying away from home. This is absolutely the hardest stage for me because I am having to let her deal with things herself I can no longer step in for her and fix things.

I realise that is how it is supposed to be but man it's hard!

Baby/toddler age is a breeze, early teens were great too late teens were uncommunicative with a few issues but yes this stage now is definitely the hardest.

Plus I miss her company.

Babies and toddlers. Give me teens any day. Found babies and toddler period hardest because it's isolating, full on, just bloody hard but I did work throughout so that added to the stress.

I can talk to my teens, go shopping with them, meet their friends, have a good laugh. Oldest is 21 now so she's making me feel like the teen now but youngest is 15 and I won't half miss her.

Love the teen years, thankfully very easy.

Dd1 was a brilliant sleeper and I truly think that's what kept me sane during the toddler years.

Ds1 very premature and needed feeding every 2 hours once home from nicu and would take over an hour to feed, it was torture.

Dd2 perfect baby until 7 months and then she developed night terrors which lasted hours. Finally slept through the night at 6.

6-10 wonderful years, still believe in magic, Santa and cuddles!

I have 5 teens. 13-18yrs.
Boys and girls.

Teenage yrs definitely harder especially around 15 and up.

I always wonder on these threads whether those that say teen forget how tiring it is and the monotonous boredom of having to do everything for another tiny human being (or two as I, and many others, have). The getting dressed (2-4 times a day), the nappies, the feeding, the potty training, the night waking / feeding. Then you still get all the wailing because they've been put down for a minute or the tantrums, the 'no' to everything.

I get that teens are hard and they can cause a lot of worry, but it's not so relentless or tiring (in typical cases, obviously different with a teen with a disability). I think people look back with rose tinted spectacles at the early years, probably because they associate the time with their own youth and remember how cute their children were, but they forget how tired they were.

I have a baby and a toddler and I'm hoping in the future I don't end each day feeling like a complete wreck.

@Noconceptofnormal

I always wonder on these threads whether those that say teen forget how tiring it is and the monotonous boredom of having to do everything for another tiny human being (or two as I, and many others, have). The getting dressed (2-4 times a day), the nappies, the feeding, the potty training, the night waking / feeding. Then you still get all the wailing because they've been put down for a minute or the tantrums, the 'no' to everything.

I get that teens are hard and they can cause a lot of worry, but it's not so relentless or tiring (in typical cases, obviously different with a teen with a disability). I think people look back with rose tinted spectacles at the early years, probably because they associate the time with their own youth and remember how cute their children were, but they forget how tired they were.

I have a baby and a toddler and I'm hoping in the future I don't end each day feeling like a complete wreck.

I remember the hell of the baby years with all 3 of mine very well, none of them slept at all, we used to have to do shifts to get any sleep. One in particular screamed constantly and didn't sleep through the night until he was 7. It was truly awful but the teen years are another level entirely. Incredibly stressful, disruptive and still don't allow me any sleep so I would say the teen years are the worst without a doubt. I wish I was home schooling primary aged children right now

I think there’s pros and cons for all ages. Babies and toddlers and physically more demanding. Teens are harder on you emotionally. I have 14 and 13 year olds and it is nice to be able to just point at the kitchen when they complain about being hungry. I get a lot more me time now, when I’m not in the car driving them somewhere, but the emotional worry is certainly greater. Letting go is hard, and also knowing that they’re at an age when they won’t just worship you for merely existing. I often feel a sense of grief for what is ending.

I have friends whose teens are self harming or severely depressed or suicidal. There’s absolutely no comparison between that and your baby not sleeping well.

Hardest - child 1 - 0-6 months
child 2 - 2-3 years

Easiest and by far the most fun - teenage years.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’m not enjoying 12 At all I miss my little boy He’s an arsehole now

I’m with you there with dd. My favourite time was 0-3. But I became very ill at that point and have never really been able to fully enjoy being her again due to poor health and multiple surgeries... now she’s moody, argumentative, demanding and blames me for everything!

See I love the teenage years! I enjoy spending time with them doing more grown up stuff, chatting with them etc. I don’t find it hard at all!

Hated 0-3. Yes they are cute but I was exhausted, hated the crying and inability to communicate properly, nappies etc etc. It’s relentless and I didn’t enjoy it.

Interesting question!

DS1 was a nightmare from 0-4months. But his teen years were horrific. Really bad from 14 onwards and just got worse and worse until he was 19. God knows how we survived. I ended up on anti- depressants and my MH really suffered. He is now 23 and lovely but its taken a long time to get to that point.

DS2 was much easier and was an easy teenager. He did cause us anxiety in that he was (still is) incredibly independent and would be off all over the place. He wasn't great at letting us know where he was so lots of waiting up until 2am not knowing if he was in a ditch somewhere or round a mates. We live rurally and he cycled everywhere. It was a relief when he started driving.

@ Noconceptofnormal but everyone’s experience is their own. Just because you find it relentless with toddlers doesn’t mean that teenage years are going to be a breeze for you, and frankly, until you have had teenagers you can’t possibly tell other people that they’re wrong.

Mine was an easy baby, slept through from 9 weeks, and I loved being at home with him and every milestone.

Less easy toddler probably until he was about 5.

But the hardest years were undoubtedly between 14/16. It didn’t help that I was seriously ill then, and he was still a lovely boy, but the moodiness, the refusal to e.g. tidy his room, the fact he became such a bloody know-all and couldn’t be reasoned with were a nightmare.

And even if babies/toddlers are relentless, they still always want their mummy at the end of the day. Teenagers, not so much.

My next door neighbour has a two year old who has screamed since birth and now has the most awful tantrums imaginable. You couldn’t pay me to go back there. But he has no idea what he’s in for when this lad becomes a teenager.

In fact, I remember when mine was a toddler saying that toddler tantrums were awful, and someone saying that teenagers are worse, to which I replied “well, at least with teenagers you can go out and leave them to it, whereas you have to stay and put up with toddlers.” Ha ha ha how wrong I was 😂😂😂

I love my teen...she's rude, spoilt and spends most of the time in her room but she can be loving, funny and caring. She makes me worry all the time though.

12-16 was godawful, definitely the worst.
At 19 she's an absolute joy, though tbf she no longer lives at home

I think with tenns it helps to look back on my own teenage years...I was a nightmare but nowhere near as bad as many of my mates who were all on drugs...makes me feel a lot better...like it's " normal."
Dd told me that she'd tried smoking...I was sad but glad she could confide in me.

Teens*

Those, who say they hated the 0-3. My dd was a really easy going baby. A whizzy, demon toddler. But I never had issues with communication with her. I could identify the different cries - sleepy, hungry etc and didn’t have teething issues. She was very clear what she wanted and even before she could talk, she’d make certain noises, like the one to tell me she wanted to be picked up....

That’s probably why I’m finding 12 so challenging. She’s a bloody wilful child, who knows exactly what she wants even when it isn’t necessarily the best for her. Grrrrr....

I’ve got boy/girl twins and found that the 16-20 years were the absolute worst! I got divorced when they were 8 and have brought them up on my own since. At 16 they started to really bicker (mainly my daughter) but now, at 24 and still living at home, they’re a lot better.

1-3 undoubtedly the worse. Girls are pretty horrible at 12 but I love teenagers, I'd happily have a house full, and often do. My 2 eldest are adults now and tbh teens are sometimes easier!

DS is 8, I really miss his baby years, I was so fucking lucky, he slept for 4 hours, woke up for a change and a feed and then went back to sleep.

I figured I had a problem when at about 9 months I put him down for a nap and he waited about 15 minutes and then opened the door from his cot.

He is so like me its bad, cause I was fucking shit in my teenage years, I am not looking forward to it

I found 0-3 physically exhausting , primary school years suited me although I was glad when didn't need childcare anymore( single parent ).
My kids are great but as we come to the end of the teen years, I would say in many ways they are the hardest . The balance between being there for them and giving them space is difficult as is deciding what battles to pick with them.
You see in front of you someone who looks like and adult but is acting like a small child that also has an immense vocabulary and seems to think you are a bit thick. It's like being in a constant game of chess combined with therapy !