To ask you honestly if this is a bad idea?

[FS2020]

Stuck in two minds at the moment but I've gotten myself into a situation that I just can't deal with much longer. I've had this hanging over me for months, it's made me really ill (severe depression) and I can't deal with the sleepless nights and worrying.

I've gotten myself into debt (circa £5k) and I'm at breaking point. It's spiralled out of control and I don't know what to do. Debt relief orders, IVAs, bankruptcy are out of the question for me as I work in financial services (ironic, I know) so my options are limited.

I was thinking of asking my uncle to help me. He is a business owner and is quite wealthy, I do believe he could help me and I don't have anywhere else at all to turn to. It's my absolute last resort but I don't know if it's a bad idea to ask him. I wouldn't even dream of asking him if I didn't think there was a chance he could say yes, but I'm just worried I'm not doing the right thing here.

What does everyone think? I've just had enough, I feel broken and exhausted

Do you have anyone else IRL (parent, sibling, friend, colleague?) who you could confidentially discuss, the situation with so that you have a second opinion on how bad things are and whether it is going to be possible for you to pay off your debt yourself over a couple of years?

Its impossible to advise on whether asking your Uncle for help is a sensible idea without knowing more about the circumstances which have resulted in the debt, your relationship with your Uncle and his attitudes

Unless I was really I dire straights I wouldn’t be asking anyone else for help, that’s just me though.

It’s not wonderful, but in the great scheme of things £5k debt is not truly terrible and many people have that amount. I guess it depends how manageable it is for you to pay off. In what form is the debt? If you’re struggling I’d try and get a loan spread over enough time to make the payments manageable and pay it off myself.

I would look at a loan in the first instance.

@Swingometer Thanks for replying. My mum knows that I'm in debt but unfortunately she can't help me. She has savings but less than the amount of my debt.

My uncle helped my mum years back when she was in the same situation. He is generally one of those people who would do what he could for his family. I'm just worried I'm going about this in the wrong way, but like I said it really is a last resort for me

Be prepared for him to ask how you have gained the debt. Was it day-to-day expenses or something else?

I'd exhaust all other options before asking.
Have you spoken with anyone else about your debt? Someone might be able to suggest something you hadn't thought of that will make it more manageable.

You can get government help to make a debt management plan that isn’t necessarily a bankruptcy etc - look for an adviser in your area and book a chat with them.

For me, whether I’d ask really depends on how you got yourself into debt in the first place, whether it was preventable and what you’re going to do to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

E.g. if you lost your job and had to live off a credit card for several months is entirely different to if you’ve spent 5k on clothes, shoes and pissing it up the wall.

Its not great but that's not a vast amount of debt. Surely you can organise a repayment level?

Might be in the minority here but if you are genuinely close and have a good relationship I wouldn’t hesitate to ask him. If he can pay a big chunk of it off and you pay him back monthly it’d really be saving you and if he is wealthy like you say, a few grand may be perfectly doable for him. Again, I’d only be thinking of this if you have a good relationship prior to this. If you only speak to him once at year at Christmas I wouldn’t dream of it!

I can't get a consolidation loan, my credit score is too ruined for that. The debt occurred about 2 years ago - my grandma passed away and I went on self destruct for a while, just spending money to make myself better. It's sounds stupid and irresponsible but that was my way of coping with the grief. Then I went on maternity leave and I fell behind with the payments and never really recovered. Due to my job I don't really have any options, I'm scared that I could lose it if things continue

Also would add that I agree with PPs - depends how you got into debt. If you had very little other options I’d be more inclined to ask but if it was a result of frivolous living then nope

Why not a loan? 5 k is a small loan.

As long as you ask in such a way that he doesn't feel obliged and you set out how you would repay. And how you will prevent future debt.

What is the debt on?

Have you looked at the money advice service? Rearranging your debt to pay it off at small amounts? Not ideal, but it's your debt, no one else's. If your uncle is prepared to give you a loan you pay back, it's worth trying. I'm assuming you are not asking for a gift?

If you do approach your uncle, maybe make sure you can explain what you're going to do so that it won't happen again.

Have you looked at a non traditional loan company? I am NOT SUGGESTION A LOAN SHARK. We took out a small (£2k) loan to pay off my car and it was through a cooperative fund. I cannot remember the loan company name. But the repayments are something like 3% of total capital so very manageable.

It was all done online.

Have you spoken to CAB about trying to consolidate the loan and set up a small repayment plan- like £25/month?

The debt isn't due to spending on luxuries etc. In fact, I don't have anything substantial to show for it. A lot of it was used to help me get by month to month, money was tight when I was on maternity leave

Are you in debt to a loan shark? £5 k to the banks, when you have a job, isn't the biggest deal so I suspect there is something you've forgotten to mention.
Lots of businesses are struggling now, so I'd not be too sure of a great reaction, but I have never met your uncle so can't really predict his response.
Aside from the debt are you ok? Do you have secure accommodation? If so I'd be inclined to move the debt somewhere cheap (interest free credit card, bank loan) and make a plan to pay it off. Once you have an end date you will feel more in control. Situations change so you will probably pay it off quicker than your initial plan.

I'd ask, but with a clear plan of how you're going to pay it back.

For people suggesting a commercial loan, read the thread!

Will you be asking fir a loan from him?

If so work out what you can afford to repay and set up the direct debit for payday. I had to do this and once it was paid off it felt AMAZING.

Who are you in debt to?

Debt relief orders, IVAs, bankruptcy are out of the question for me as I work in financial services (ironic, I know)

Neither ironic, nor out of the question... It's not clear from your post what it is that you're struggling with..

What sort of debt is it? Mortgage/rent arrears would be one thing, credit card debt another. What are your monthly repayments, is that what the issue is - the cost of servicing the debt each month, rather than not seeing an end to paying it off and so feeling you're in a spiral? Or is it that your income doesn't cover your expenses, so you're constantly increasing the debt?

First thing is to look at whether you can move the debt to a cheaper platform. You don't mention your credit history, so could you look at a 0% credit card deal - that would buy you some breathing space. (Being in debt doesn't necessarily mean you have a bad credit history, missed/late payments would mean you may have).

If it's already beyond that, you can ring your providers & tell them you can't afford to pay them. You don't jump straight to an IVA - they should help you to work out how much, if anything, you can afford to pay. They can also consider freezing the debt, so it no longer incurs interest - that affects your credit history but avoids the risk of a CCJ.

I'm surprised that someone who works in financial services wouldn't know this. An IVA would be a problem but shouldn't lead to you losing your job - however, getting yourself into a position where your integrity is compromised because you owe money would.

The Bank Workers' Charity, who are there for anyone who works, or has worked, for a bank: www.bwcharity.org.uk/about-us/our-support-services, and they offer mental health support, and debt advice - so if you do work for a bank, definitely worth getting in touch with them.

Also, be wary of borrowing from family/friends. It can cause difficulties. Especially if the loaner decides that you buying (say) a coffee from Costa, was frivolous and you should have put the £3 to paying back the debt. Etc