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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking for day off when loved one dies ?

47 replies

LAURAMINIMAQ88 · 10/01/2021 20:16

Hi.
My great granddad has passed away this evening.
We were very close yet living in different countries for the past 5 years.
I cant attend the funeral due to covid and lockdown restrictions.

Am I allowed to ask my boss for 1 day off
I dont want to feel bad asking if and having to worry about covering arrangements.
I would just like to stay in and not work tomorrow.
It is only 1 day that I would like to take.
Am I allowed to ask my boss ?

OP posts:

TheSpottedZebra · 10/01/2021 20:17

Ask to take it as holiday but say why?

TheSpottedZebra · 10/01/2021 20:17

Sorry for your loss also.

DenisetheMenace · 10/01/2021 20:18

So sorry for your loss.

queenofSI · 10/01/2021 20:18

Sorry to hear this. Ask for a holiday day

alibongo5 · 10/01/2021 20:18

Of course you're allowed. But it will depend on the company whether they grant it. Many only give guaranteed time off for very close relatives (parents, siblings, children). But it's always worth asking. I once asked whether I could have unpaid leave to attend the funeral of a close family friend - I was given paid time but it wasn't automatic.

Sorry for the loss of your great granddad.

Pootle40 · 10/01/2021 20:19

You may granted it as bereavement leave, will entirely depend on your company. It's not a legal requirement and sometimes companies only consider leave for death of parent, partner etc.

LawnFever · 10/01/2021 20:19

Sorry for your loss, and yes of course - in my work I’d let my manager know I’d had a family bereavement and wouldn’t be in for a couple of days.

We have an exception leave allowance for this kind of situation you may have similar?

katy1213 · 10/01/2021 20:19

I'd probably call in sick. I can't see many companies counting great-grandparents as compassionate leave.

movingonup20 · 10/01/2021 20:21

Probably ok but depends who you work for - I think many only offer it for parents, partners and children automatically unless you are responsible for the arrangements

purpleme12 · 10/01/2021 20:22

I know a lot of companies don't automatically give bereavement leave unless very direct relative if you see what I mean but if it's just one day, in my experience, they are likely to grant you it as bereavement leave. But obviously it's still up to the company
But definitely ask if you can have it as bereavement leave and if it's a no ask for holiday

Pipandmum · 10/01/2021 20:25

Of course ask. They may say that you have to take it as a holiday day, but it would be a very unsympathetic firm that would not permit this (as they will be well aware that you could just call in sick).

unbotheredbutbewildered · 10/01/2021 20:38

When my grandmother died I took a week off work (not counted as holiday). When my grandad died I got the same (again, not counted as holiday). Both times my employer (separate companies) told me to 'take as much time as I need.'

IMO a company has no right to decide who counts as a close relative - a loss is a loss. Take at least a day off, maybe Friday as well so it's a short week next week if they won't let you take more time earlier in the week

I am sorry for your loss.

PumpkinPie2016 · 10/01/2021 20:40

I'm so sorry for your loss

Of course you can ask for a day off and I would hope that any reasonable boss would grant it without question.

My Nana died last March and I was very close to her. I had a full week's compassionate leave which the headteacher granted with absolutely no problem at all.

BackforGood · 10/01/2021 20:56

Whereas I am sorry for your loss, there is no 'entitlement' to this.
A great Grandparent, that you haven't seen for 5 years or so isn't quite in the same category as your partner or a child dying. I have had 4 people that I would say I am very close to, die this year. I can't expect my employer to give me compassionate leave on every occasion.
If you feel you need a day without work to process it, then you could ask if you could take a day's annual leave maybe?
However, without knowing what you do and if you need to be 'covered', or if you have more flexibility to complete your own workload over the week or month, none of us will know what the response of your manager will be. I've known many Manager's use their discretion, when they know the full circumstances of any given situation. It's what makes a good manager.

year5teacher · 10/01/2021 21:03

I’d phone in sick or take annual leave just so you don’t have to deal with your employer potentially being difficult about compassionate leave. Not that I have any idea what annual leave entails!!
I’m sorry for your loss.

GabsAlot · 10/01/2021 21:11

sorry for your loss op

some cmpanies only do it for close relatives are they usually quite fair

SpudsandGravy · 10/01/2021 21:32

I'm sorry for your loss. Your employer may have a compassionate leave policy, in which case they may be able to give yo a day off. Otherwise just email now to say you won't be in tomorrow and explain why. Take it as a day's leave if you need to

Original poster

LAURAMINIMAQ88 · 10/01/2021 21:32

@BackforGood
I never said that I haven't seen him in the last 5 years, I said we had a very close relationship despite the fact we lived in other countries for the past 5 years, my great grandad took care of me when I was little and he lived with us when we were back in Spain.
I have visited him and took care of him multiple times in the past 5 years .
He was like a dad to me who I never had... so your comment is very judgemental and hurtful.

I have also never said that I expect the company to pay me for the day that I am off .

Please rethink, next time you are about to write, that you do not know the whole story ( because I shouldn't even have to explain it to you) in order to defend myself.

Just because someone isn't your mum or dad on a piece of paper doesn't mean that their passing is less painful.

OP posts:

Sunnydayhere · 10/01/2021 21:34

Is the funeral to be televised?

Watching, in my book, would count as attendance.

Or just stay off sick - tummy upset so as not to cause covid fretting.

Trouble is once you've asked for compassionate leave and they say no its then hard to have a 100% convincing sick day.

Original poster

LAURAMINIMAQ88 · 10/01/2021 21:46

@Sunnydayhere. No and no, I do not need to be paid for the the day off, where did I said I was ?
I just wanted 1 day off from work, not paid of course

OP posts:

Pixxie7 · 10/01/2021 22:01

Normally you would be entitled to a day off for a family funeral so I would ask. It

Mascaramademehappy · 10/01/2021 22:10

I can see you are really upset OP. I am sorry you have lost someone so special to you.

Most companies have a bereavement policy and would either allow you unpaid leave for someone not defined by the organisation as a close family member or paid leave if the person was on the list of who qualifies.

If someone in my team called and explained what you have I would have no problem at all with them taking time off and I would do what I could to make sure you were supported properly.

BBCONEANDTWO · 10/01/2021 22:14

Of course you should take a day off phone your boss and say you need to stay home as you're very upset (of course you will be). Just do it and don't feel guilty.

Sorry for your loss it must be heartbreaking.

Serin · 10/01/2021 22:15

My workplace (NHS) would no way allow this. They might let me take itas annual leave but I doubt it as they require substantial notice. In recent years I have missed the funeral of my Grandmother and my cousin. My cousin was only young and some family members have hardly spoken to me since, as they felt I should have been there.

daisypond · 10/01/2021 22:15

I had something similar this month - not even a relative. I asked for annual leave at late notice - and said why I wanted it on the booking form - but my manager changed it to compassionate leave, which I wasn’t expecting. Can you do that?

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