Is this odd?

[user0949813]

I recently started in a new job, team of 20. Everyone seems to get on fairly well, all staff are friends on facebook and have a WhatsApp group, except one member of staff who doesn't have facebook and won't give her phone number to any of her colleagues. Is this odd? She gets on well with he colleagues during working hours.

Why would it be odd? I know lots of people who don't, or won't, do social media. And plenty who don't want to see colleagues as friends, just colleagues.

I don’t think it’s odd, I don’t have any of my work colleagues on Facebook because it’s social and for my friends. She presumably has to give her manager her number but no need to be in WhatsApp groups if she doesn’t want to be

Perhaps she likes to keep her private life completely separate from work ?

Nope. Shes drawing a line between personal and professional

I'm the same. I don't join work social groups or accept anyone from work on SM.

My department is 22 people. 18 of us are on a what’s app group. Most of us are friends on Facebook. 3 people don’t want to join. I admire them for setting boundaries.

None of my colleagues have my number. They have my work email if they need to get in touch but I don’t see any reason to share my number with them.

It’s pretty brave of her tbh. I always hated that kind of crap but felt it was expected. Lots of pretence about all being friends that went out the window when redundancies were mentioned. If I ever go back to an office I’ll be setting much firmer boundaries - colleagues are not friends.

@user0949813

YABU. I don't blame the woman. I HATE work colleagues being 'friends' on my facebook, where my family and close friends are. They don't even know I have a facebook actually. I call myself a different name on there (and twitter too.)

In his last job, DH kept getting asked out to work get-togethers, and non-work ones, by work colleagues - maybe 4 times a year. Mostly female and 18 to 30, with a couple of male. He said no every time, and was accused of being a miserable git. He says 'why the F would I want to socialise with a bunch of mostly women who are my daughter's age?'

He has a point, he has his own friends (male) who are his own age. Going out with a bunch of 18-30 y.os (10 female and 2 male) is his worst nightmare! There are only 2 people his age (50-ish) at work, both make, and THEY don't socialise with work colleagues either.

Also I hate socialising with work colleagues.

I HATE mixing my work life with my private life. I would also never be on any work whatsapp group.

Not odd, if she peers over the top of your toilet cubicle with a large knife in her hand... now that would be odd - in my book.

both MALE, not both make.

I think it’s bloody sensible and I admire her for it.

Well she’s odd one out, but I don’t think she is objectively odd. I actually think you and the other 18 are very odd for mixing professional life with social life. Being friends with workmates never works out well. It either causes unfair dismissal or unfair promotion- which upsets the rest of the team. In other words, it’s only a matter of time before some office drama explodes.

There might be other reasons, OP. If she's got a difficult situation at home with a partner, she might not want colleagues to have contact with her once she's home.

Sounds sensible.

Wise woman.

Or possibly has some other reason.

Not odd at all, completely up to her who she has contact with outside of working hours

I think she sounds very sensible. I really like my colleagues but I only speak to them in work about work. I don't share my personal life & I dont invite information about theirs. I have friends & family for that.

Not particularly.

I'm extremely peasant and polite to all my colleagues.

You'd think I was friends with them all.

Plenty I wouldn't engage with outside work!

Having said that I would keep an eye. Sometimes there is more going on in people's lives than they let on. Like controlling relationships. It's probably not likely but I always think if something doesn't ring true you need to accept instincts may be telling you something.

Nope it's not odd at all. What is odd is everyone else on the team being FB friends. Just why?

A lot of businesses have strict social media policies so sensible to keep your private life separate from professional life.

I think it's more odd to automatically expect these things from work colleagues (except those who are personal friends), tbh.

I belong to a work whatsapp group and some of the jokes recently have been really unsuitable, to the extent that I'm sure it's only a matter of time until there's a complaint. I think she's being very sensible.

No it's not odd at all. I'm friendly with my co-workers, some have lots of whatsapp and SM contact; personally I do far too much other stuff outside of work to engage with them too. So I just keep it professional and leave it at that.

This always me!

I have a work life, which is busy, and a family life which is very busy. Multiple kids and lots of social stuff. I need a line for my sanity and not being overwhelmed. I don’t dislike people, I do a good job and put my all in. I just leave it at the door when I’m not there. It’s nothing to do with any work issue. I’m maybe though a different person away from work and I need that space. Professional me has to be middle class, outgoing but refined and is a bit hard work. Day to day me likes crude jokes occasionally, swears and kicks back a bit. Also I’m a parent and I like to keep that apart, without all the comparisons. I’m not middle class and I didn’t grow up in the UK and I can’t even relate to half the interests (bake off, pubs...). I don’t dislike or judge, it’s just I have a work persona that is required but I need a break from.

What's really odd is you caring enough to post about it.