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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to try to conceive during a pandemic?

34 replies

cestclaudette · 10/01/2021 19:02

I'm 33, DH is 35. He has a daughter from previous relationship, 13.

We have been putting off TTC for some time (to get married first,) though we are aware of time ticking on and DSD getting older / the age difference between her and any future DC.

We eloped last year instead of the big wedding we'd planned, and are keen to start TTC a baby as soon as we can - we'd always said we'd start actively trying from Jan this year.

However - am I crazy to try to do this right now? I've seen a few posts recently (not necessarily all on this site,) where people have been talking about the selfishness of choosing to require NHS treatment over the next few months. And also, knowing that pregnancy increases COVID risk... I'm not sure if I'm being silly to consider going out of my way to put myself in that category, where I'd be more likely to require medical treatment than if I wasn't pregnant.

I'm scared to put off TTC much longer, as we already have put it off for a few years and we do really want to have a baby. I'm conscious of my age, DH's age, and also we've been NTNP for a few months already with nothing much happening, which has increased my worry that there might be something amiss somewhere.

But, AIBU to be actively TTC right now with current NHS pressures, rather than wait another few months?

OP posts:

Tinkywinkydipsylalapofaced · 10/01/2021 19:05

If you want children, personally, I'd start. We are 4 months in TTC with no luck (second pregnancy) as I fell 1st month with DS. Presumed it would happen like that the second time so it just shows you never know how long these things will take.

toolazytothinkofausername · 10/01/2021 19:05

In your position, I would start TTC. If you did fall pregnant this month, the baby would be born October 2021 and hopefully by then the situation would have improved.

toolazytothinkofausername · 10/01/2021 19:06

@Tinkywinkydipsylalapofaced

With DC1 I fell pregnant first month trying. With DC2 it took 5 months before I fell pregnant.

Oysterbabe · 10/01/2021 19:07

I would. You can't put your life on hold.

SnackSizeRaisin · 10/01/2021 19:07

Virtually everyone I know is pregnant at the moment. The maternity services are a separate department anyway - although of course there may be cross over it would only be under very extreme conditions.

Funkypolar · 10/01/2021 19:07

www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/people-at-higher-risk/pregnancy-and-coronavirus/

There's no evidence that pregnant women are more likely to get seriously ill from coronavirus.

There's no evidence coronavirus causes miscarriage or affects how your baby develops in pregnancy.

Maternity services and midwives are working as normal.

legofootcasualty · 10/01/2021 19:10

yanbu

9 months from now the situation will be very different.

Currently 9+3 with my second.

Workyticket · 10/01/2021 19:10

Depends on your outlook eally - if you were to fall pregnant would you be happy potentially going to scans etc alone?

Not sure if partners are allowed at scans atm but I know they weren't for a while

Chouxbuncity · 10/01/2021 19:12

Go for it. I’m currently pregnant.

Only thing I would say is be prepared to have to go to scans etc alone. I wouldn’t say maternity is working ‘as normal’. I didn’t see the midwife in person until 28 weeks pregnant.

AndcalloffChristmas · 10/01/2021 19:12

There’s going to be a massive bulge class in every school in 5 years time - so many pregnancies!

However I agree you may as well crack on now as later.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 10/01/2021 19:13

I don’t know if I would as I feel that 3/4 more months might make for a very different situation out there - for the better.

There have been quite a few threads on here in the last week bemoaning lockdown pregnancy, when they must have got pregnant when Covid was in full swing and we knew that there were no quick fixes.

People wait for all sorts of reasons (as you have), finance, house, location, meeting right person, school year, job, maternity leave etc. I don’t think it’s a bad idea to delay due to a global pandemic either.

Thehollyandtheirony · 10/01/2021 19:15

You shouldn’t wait at your age. Go for it!
Just take extra precautions with coronavirus.

AlexaPlayWhiteNoise · 10/01/2021 19:15

I am currently TTC and wouldn't put it off of I were you. The world has to keep turning.

(I know that DH will be coming in with me to scans and appointments regardless of covid restrictions if i were to fall pregnant quickly though.)

Original poster

cestclaudette · 10/01/2021 19:17

Thanks all. I would be ok going to scans etc alone I think - more worried that if I contracted COVID while pregnant, I would have increased chances of requiring hospital treatment / suffering complications, and there would be any adverse effects on the baby.

I should say I'm not in any high risk groups etc, and I'd say I'm slim/average weight (5'5", UK12?) - though I probably have the worst fitness levels of anyone my age that I know, and have been to the hospital for heart checks due to palpitations under stress / exercise.

OP posts:

WankPuffins · 10/01/2021 19:18

Crack on.

People have babies in wars me famines. My grandmother gave birth to her youngest in the shelter in the neighbours garden during an air raid.

I gave birth in August. It's not nice having to go for scans and things alone, but that was my 3rd baby. And I did have a couple of worrying scans and appointments. While I was alone, so was everyone else and I far preferred shitting myself in silence rather than in a packed waiting area with children and extended family members running around and treating it like a day out.

Post natal ward was bliss too. No visitors meant that it was quiet (with the exception of crying babies and buzzers!) and the midwives and HCA were focused on the women and not policing the behaviour of the visitors.

Funkypolar · 10/01/2021 19:18

DH has been at all my scans and I’ve had regular midwife appointments. Just my experience in my area.

Godimabitch · 10/01/2021 19:20

We started in May, took us three months, including a miscarriage. Baby is due in May this year.
It's been fine, no issue with treatment, we're taking the risk seriously but we would be anyway, just dont take any silly risks like having a get together in your house or going to a restaurant.

We weren't willing to put it off any longer due to DHs age.

lilythesheep · 10/01/2021 19:20

I waited to TTC because of issues with job security - I wanted to wait for the perfect time. It took me almost 2 years to get pregnant. I was 32 when we started trying and had no reason to think it wouldn't be immediate.

Obviously you may fall pregnant immediately. But you may not. It would not be uncommon for it to take several months. Having been through my experience I wouldn't advise anyone to wait. If you want a baby, and you are otherwise ready, start trying. Who knows what state the world will be in by the time by the time your baby is actually born.

Lemonpiano · 10/01/2021 19:20

I don't think it's selfish, but naive. Hospital care is dehumanising in this country at the best of times.

Don't underestimate how quickly and deeply poor medical care can destroy your life - not just physically but mentally if you end up traumatised.

The people who recover from trauma and are able to live as if it never happened are the rare exceptions. It's a lifelong legacy.

I wouldn't be taking that risk over something that can wait a little longer.

WankPuffins · 10/01/2021 19:23

@Lemonpiano

I don't think it's selfish, but naive. Hospital care is dehumanising in this country at the best of times.

Don't underestimate how quickly and deeply poor medical care can destroy your life - not just physically but mentally if you end up traumatised.

The people who recover from trauma and are able to live as if it never happened are the rare exceptions. It's a lifelong legacy.

I wouldn't be taking that risk over something that can wait a little longer.

That was my experience with maternity care long before covid though.

So I wouldn't necessarily put someone off ttc.

Otocinclus · 10/01/2021 19:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

CeibaTree · 10/01/2021 19:29

We are ttc at the moment. I'm coming towards the end of my fertile years and if we want another child it's now or never! Good luck to everyone trying :)

Heyahun · 10/01/2021 19:40

Meh I just went for it during the first lockdown. Baby due next month! Been grand - husband has been allowed at the scan and will be allowed at the birth (hoping that doesn’t change)
I’m working at home since last March, it’s been very relaxing time to be pregnant tbh nothing on, missing nothing, suits me to stay in most of the time !!

Have only been seeing midwives in person from 28weeks - the rest was phone calls!

I don’t really see the point in waiting

Winterwoollies · 10/01/2021 19:57

Where I am, maternity services are running largely as normal. Crack on.

Norwayreally · 10/01/2021 19:58

I’d personally wait. I got pregnant in November 2019 so was pregnant during the first wave last year and I found it really difficult. I luckily had DH with me at the first few scans (pre lockdown) but from there on out I was on my own. I also felt incredibly anxious attending appointments and also anxious in general about catching it. My anxiety hasn’t dissipated since he was born, he’s 6 months old next week and I still feel anxious constantly. No baby groups are running either aside from online ones so there’s that too.

Time is on your side so I’d wait until next year when hopefully the world is a bit more ‘normal’.

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