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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Equity splitting with ex - he’s being a dick

57 replies

LostStars39 · 10/01/2021 16:50

Hi all,

I hate it when people do this and post in aibu for traffic but I’m getting a bit desperate sorry!
I’m an absolute mess at the moment me and my ex are in the process of splitting (completely out unexpected he ended things with me) basically legally we are tenants in common, however throughout the 3.5 years we’ve had the house I’ve put in substantially more than he has. I worked the equity to be £27k and did a spreadsheet with all the extra money I’ve put in over the years and that my family has gifted us and I’d have to pay him about £2.5k. He’s obviously gone to his solicitor and got advice that everything should be split 50/50 and he said the lowest he’d take is £10k which I feel sick at doing. He’s the one who’s left me and ruined my happy life and now he’s trying to take all the money me and my family have put in while he could never save and would treat himself every month instead.

I realise I’m an absolute idea and am so angry for not protecting my money in the first place, but I genuinely thought we were happy and were going to spend the rest of our lives together (how naive I know) so please be gentle with me as I’m in absolute pieces as it is.
Do I have any rights at all?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
toocold54 · 10/01/2021 18:25

I always when people get married everything is split 50/50 which is why SAHP can get half the house after a split.
I hope you get it sorted soon I’m sorry i don’t have any advice.

Original poster
LostStars39 · 10/01/2021 18:29

@MizMoonshine that sounds exactly my situation! I’m glad your DP got it all sorted although it’s sickening to have to give the ex £10k after she was the one who ended it (exactly the same here) I will never let myself get into this position again Angry

OP posts:
YoniAndGuy · 10/01/2021 18:30

[quote MizMoonshine]@LostStars39 my DP has just give through this with his ex wife. She paid nothing in at all. He paid the (large) deposit with money from the sale of his old house and they were Tennant's in common.
She's walked away with 10k after abandoning him and their marriage. He negotiated her down from half[/quote]
But they were married- completely different.

LadyLindaT · 10/01/2021 18:33

I just remember from what I went through that, despite my majority contribution to the deposit and the joint ownership of the house, (married) if someone wants to be really evil, 50% of nothing is nothing. It's 25 years later, and I am still trying to cope with the financial consequences.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/01/2021 18:38

It does depend on a few things op - for example could he argue/did he do that whilst you were paying the mortgage, he was paying for food for example? If you had a joint pot, it doesn't really matter what pays for what, as actually that could hypothetically be very unfair on someone who's paid the food and bills but nothing to the actual mortgage.

I'm afraid to tell you op, that my dh and I have just had a very simple divorce, we didn't really argue about anything though there were a few things to sort - it cost us £15k in legal fees. So, whilst your £10k is a lot to you, it may well all go in legal fees and neither of you would get it. I'd go for one chat with a solicitor, take every fact you have with you, ask her how much it will cost to resolve - it may be in your interest to accept 50/50.

Hawkins001 · 10/01/2021 18:39

All the best op, do not give up

HappyThursdays · 10/01/2021 18:47

If he's afraid of confrontation this is probably his solicitor talking

Push back and see what happens

I agree your legal fees would eat that difference and more

SerenityFlowers · 10/01/2021 18:49

Your legal rights are completely different if you're married. It's not going to cost £10k in legal fees for a consultation and advice with a family law solicitor. Your ex has already got you on the run so his advice (which has probably only cost him low hundreds so far) has been a good investment for him!

Original poster
LostStars39 · 10/01/2021 18:59

Thanks everyone! I just wish I could go back 3.5 years ago and put something legal in place to protect myself! Deposit wise I paid in just over £5000 and he paid in £1900 (it was 5% deposit) and since then I thought things would be more equal but he just could never save! We both paid the same amount each month (£550) into a joint account where all our bills came out of.

So sorry to hear all the stories of similar situations, it may be legal but it’s so unfair

OP posts:
ivfbeenbusy · 10/01/2021 19:01

So what was your tenancy in common split? You haven't said?

Dddccc · 10/01/2021 19:09

So technically based off deposit amount there is a 3100 pound difference so taking that out the equation it should be 50 50 after that amount deducted

Original poster
LostStars39 · 10/01/2021 19:12

Hi @ivfbeenbusy sorry I haven’t mentioned it, do you know how I would find this out? I’m sure it’s 50/50
(I promise I’m not usually this stupid my heads just all over the place!)

OP posts:
RandomMess · 10/01/2021 19:12

Perhaps it's worth mentioning to him that if you can't afford to buy him out there will also be estate agents fees and legal costs to pay that he will have to pay 50% of.

RandomMess · 10/01/2021 19:13

Also if he insists on this you will no longer me able to pay towards the mortgage and it could take months for it to sell...

What is he planning to do when he moves out? Has he an incentive for it to happen quickly or not?

Original poster
LostStars39 · 10/01/2021 19:21

Hi @Dddccc but then there’s also money I put in throughout the relationship. For example we had a new boiler and the bathroom done and I had a car accident and got an insurance payout of about £2500 plus I paid in £1000 from my savings and my parents gave us £500 and he didn’t pay a penny, the rest came from joint savings (again mostly me paying into it!)

OP posts:
Markies · 10/01/2021 19:24

If your agreement was 50/50 then do you really have a leg to stand on? Friends bought a house together - not married and he put down 100k extra so this is reflected in their agreement.

Original poster
LostStars39 · 10/01/2021 19:26

@RandomMess apart from paying rent in his new flat and obviously bills there, he’s got no reason to rush to have it all go through quickly.
I even said to him not to rush anything as he could stay in the house with the cats for as long as he needs as I’m at my parents, because the legal process isn’t going to be quick

OP posts:
RandomMess · 10/01/2021 19:31

Perhaps you need to rephrase it and ask for 50% of the costs for home improvements that you paid for and then evidence what you paid into the savings account versus him and the cost of the renovations that you paid for solely.

Legally that is probably a stronger case perhaps?

Dddccc · 10/01/2021 19:31

Unfortunately repairs and other costs like that are not taken into account as you will benefit in the long run by keeping the house

ivfbeenbusy · 10/01/2021 20:11

@LostStars39

Hi *@ivfbeenbusy* sorry I haven’t mentioned it, do you know how I would find this out? I’m sure it’s 50/50 (I promise I’m not usually this stupid my heads just all over the place!)

Ah ok? You'd know if it was different to 50/50 as you certainly remember it! (My then partner was advised to obtain legal advice because I insisted on 75/25)

Doesn't put you in the best position really? If you were going to be paying more of the mortgage you should have stipulated a difference in equity split on the tenancy in common? As 50/50 isn't much better to a joint tenancy mortgage really?

I know you said you paid for repairs but this may be difficult to prove and would be his word against yours unless you can show receipts in your name?

Go back to him with a counter offer reminding him of the extra money you put in the house and that you can prove it - may be enough for him to back down?

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/01/2021 20:29

Id negotiate with him. You have said his deposit was £1900 and he paid half the mortgage for the 3.5yrs (and still is). So it doesn’t seem right that you would only offer him an extra £800 to buy him out? Too, you said you’d paid money for certain repairs/renovations, but did he earn any sweat equity by performing DIY services?

Have you had the house valued by estate agents? Have him choose one and you choose one to do a property valuation, then take the average to estimate equity- value minus mortgage balance. Then from this £ amount, give yourself your deposit back, and him his deposit back and then split the remainder 50/50.

I think you will find that while it won’t be as much as £10k, it will be more than £2.7k.

Original poster
LostStars39 · 10/01/2021 20:35

Thank you @PlanDeRaccordement that’s some really good advice. He never did any sort of DIY work around the house, that was mainly my dad (although not the bathroom)

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 10/01/2021 20:44

I would calmly reply to him. State the deposits you both paid. The do a breakdown the related house costs since you brought the house and how they were funded. Split them and deduct his half of the costs from the 10k. Then give him that figure as settlement. Showing how you worked it out.

Hankunamatata · 10/01/2021 20:45

And dont say money gifted to both of you. The money was given to you as part owner in the house

Dddccc · 10/01/2021 21:14

The related upkeep of the property does not come into as you will benefit from it not him also if you add half all his payments up plus his deposit its 11350 so they way you want it you want to keep everything and him nothing I know you are angry at the fall out but you don't have much options really

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