To be a bit frustrated with MIL?

[thesebootsaremadeforwalkin]

Mil doesn't do/have online banking and does most of her stuff in cash. She phoned the other day and asked if I would order an item of furniture she wanted that was on sale online and a few matching smaller items from the same store. I said yes and she gave me the cash to cover the items.

I go to place the order and the local store is out of stock, the only store that has it in stock is 50 miles away and they are only doing click & collect, no deliveries. I'm not sure it's ok to travel 50 miles to pick up a piece of furniture so I ring her back to check she still wants the item and is willing to go and pick it up. She says yes, is insistent she wants this exact item, so item is ordered.

Fast forward a few days and now she's decided actually she doesn't want to go and pick it up after all. So she's found a courier who might be able to pick it up for her but to organise the whole thing I'll have to ring the store, check that they will release the item to a courier, then ring the courier company and check they will pick up and deliver the item. Then book it all for her assuming they'll do all this.

Aibu to be a bit fed up and regretting offering to help? And Aibu to think she should just give up and get a refund for the items?

YANBU to be frustrated and I'd say your role was done when you ordered, I'd let her sort the rest; she doesn't so online but she can use the phone ;-)

Yanbu

I think MIL is BU. Does she normally treat you like a personal assistant? How involved does your DH (ie her own son) get in sorting out her requests?

If she has managed to find a courier company she must be capable of arranging the pick up? Just hand it back to her ?

Why can't she ring the shop and courier herself?

I would let her sort it out and I would reconsider what I was prepared to do going forward. Also where's your dh in all this. Does he not take any responsibility for his DM. What age is she?

If this is a one off, is it really that big of a deal? It's a nice thing to do for a family member. But why can't her son do it?

I've helped her out with a few things like this before, (ordering stuff online etc) and it's always been fine it's just that this time there's so much faffing around. I've already had to go to hers, pick up the cash and go to the bank to deposit it in my bank as it was expensive order and I didn't have enough to cover it. If the courier says yes I'll probably have to do the same again as she wants to pay cash on delivery but I don't think they will let her do that as they want an online payment.

Dp would help but for various reasons he can't at the moment. Mil is lovely and I'm normally happy to help but it's just so complicated! She's a big worrier and gets flustered really easily so she won't organise the delivery herself for fear of getting the postcode or the store wrong, or the order details, etc etc.

I'm also curious about her age and her son's role in all this. Whatever you do, I'd back away (if possible) in future. Maybe it's time her son takes a more active role in facilitating these things.

Not doing online banking doesn't mean she can't arrange things by phone.

When she initially asked me she did say that she'd tried to do the order on the phone but they wouldn't do it. They also couldn't take the payments over the phone.

After seeing the update, I'd probably just do it (after having a grumble to myself). She's unlikely to make large, complicated orders very often, and if you like her and are willing to cover for her son for the time being, it's worth some effort to keep everyone happy.

What's the big deal here? Is there some massive backstory that you're going to dripfeed OP? OK, I get it's a bit of a faff but she's tried to do what she can from her end. I'd help out this time and then mention to DH that going forward he can help his mum with shopping/banking issues etc.

She needs to learn to order things online. It's not hard

Veterinari maybe she hasn't got a computer?

@Veterinari

She needs to learn to order things online. It's not hard

It is for some people.

I'd let her crack on. Unless she's over 80, in which case it's her son's job.

Is this really such a huge deal to help out a family member ? It’s just two phone calls isn’t it - she isn’t asking you to fly her to the moon?

I don't mind helping but it's just a bit annoying as I've had to wipe out the last of my overdraft paying for the courier (because she doesn't do online banking and you have to pay online in advance).

I have a bill payment due tomorrow and since don't get paid till next week I will have to get up early tomorrow to go and pick up the cash from her place so I can put it in my bank. It's a fair bit of running around for me and multiple non essential trips out in the cold which always makes me grumpy as I hate the cold 😂

It's fine but it's not the first time I've had to go out of my way because she doesn't want to get online banking. I don't want to be the go to person to do all the running around every time she wants to order something. She's not super elderly and has the internet and a laptop so there's no reason she can't other than she just doesn't know how to do it.

Couldn’t she just get a credit card and pay them by card?

You could just sat "sorry, no can do". Or bat it back to her to organize. Neither of those would be terrible things to do.

I'm also not clear what online banking has to do with it. I dont bank online but I buy stuff online using credit card/PayPal.

You don't need to do online banking to use a debit or credit card online. Presuming she uses a card to withdraw cash from the bank. You (or she) could just use that card for the order online. If she doesn't want you to have the physical card, just ask her for the numbers. Or am I missing something? That would cut out at least half of the running around collecting and depositing cash.

As far as I understand it she has a card but refuses to use it to buy things online, that's what I meant by online banking (sorry for the confusion, I realised my mistake!) I'm not quite sure why, I think it's a combination of her not knowing how and not trusting her card details online. Plus she usually gets paid in cash so doesn't normally have much money actually in the bank.

Blimey, it doesn't take much for you to find things complicated. A few phone calls for your MIL is no big deal. All she's done is decided to have a courier instead of click and collect and you're frustrated already?

You did the ordering - but she can do the rest. Pass it back.