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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have my friend in my house?

46 replies

30scrisis · 10/01/2021 13:45

My friend turned up at my front door absolutely devastated. Newborn baby and she's found our her partner had cheated on her again, this time the woman is pregnant. BF turned up shortly after and walked straight back out again, saying he would see me in a month. I couldn't have turned my friend away. She was crying her heart out. She had covid a month back, found out the days after she gave birth. So I'm guessing she had a degree of immunity? I may be uneducated on this. We have since split up. He won't discuss it. Just says my priorities lie elsewhere. He had friends over and went to parties etc in previous lockdowns, including this current one where he had three friends over. I didn't. I have stuck to the same circle, my mental health can be poor at the best of times. He has always disagreed with the figures over covid etc and think it is to a degree a conspiracy 🙄🙄 Now he's saying he can't trust who she's been around etc Anyway he wouldn't talk to me and we've split up. We were only back together for a few months after he found out I'd started seeing someone else. Our relationship had ended last summer before. So WIBU to have my friend in? I have minimal friends left after the last time we were together anyway. Quite accepting if I was BU. But what would you have done?

OP posts:
CatVsChristmasTree · 10/01/2021 13:47

She needed you, YANBU

BendingSpoons · 10/01/2021 13:49

YANBU. She can form a support bubble anyway as she has an under 1. Why is he criticising you when he has done far more?

Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady · 10/01/2021 13:50

It's sounds like an awful relationship anyway!

IndecentFeminist · 10/01/2021 13:50

He sounds like a delight in so many ways.

Not being unreasonable

inquietant · 10/01/2021 13:52

Your bf sounds unreasonable, it would probably be a good idea for you to try to move on.

I wouldn't feel great having someone in my house at the moment, but I wouldn't turn away someone in that state with a newborn. I wouldn't leave a partner over it!

PatchworkElmer · 10/01/2021 13:52

YANBU. He doesn’t sound like a great loss!

devildeepbluesea · 10/01/2021 13:53

YANBU.

Phew, I hope you're relieved to be shot of a prick like that.

Cocomarine · 10/01/2021 13:56

Don’t think it matters whether she needed you or not tbh - that’s a side issue. (and I’d have let her in)

Set off fireworks and pop champagne that he’s dumped you. And I mean this quite seriously - consider counselling to work out why you ever got back together with him after your last escape.

30scrisis · 10/01/2021 14:01

Thank you all. He doesn't like this friend anyway. She worked for him for a while. Her BF is black and I think although he doesn't verbalise it this is a problem for him judging by comments he's made. We've been on and off for 4 years, he's 13 years older. When we got back together he kinda asked me to choose and I said I wouldn't do that. Yeah she makes bad decisions sometimes but don't we all at times? Worst thing is he won't talk about it. He's done this before. I've basically chased him for years, I just don't know why though. I'm mid 30's and I feel since I've known him we haven't really got anywhere whereas other friends have met their partner, got married, bought houses, had babies. I've just constantly walked on eggshells. I do love him so much but my friend needed me. I couldn't turn him away. It would've been so heartless.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 10/01/2021 14:02

Sounds like your ex BF is a bully and controlling. He can do what he wants but you need to do what he says.

10kstepsaroundthegardenthen · 10/01/2021 14:03

Well done for getting ride of him before you got too involved.
Your friend needed you

30scrisis · 10/01/2021 14:03

We split up the last time because something happened with people he knew and me. I was very drunk. Can't remember much. Won't go into it but I didn't cheat on him. It took us a year to get back together.

OP posts:
AmelieTaylor · 10/01/2021 14:03

In a way, what you did is irrelevant what's relevant is the way HE behaves & treats you. He's not good enough for you. He's a hypercritical twat and he wasn't interested in talking to you, just ending it & behaving like a monumental toss pot. You previously lost friends when you were with him
& the list goes on

Don't waste anymore time on him.

That aside, no you weren't unreasonable letting her in. I am very worried about getting Covid and have gone beyond the rules etc. I have had one person in the house twice since February & we stayed 2m apart.

But if a good friend turned up like that & needed me, of course I'd let her in. Maybe you can be in a bubble with her if neither of you already have bubbles? (I hope she has the sense to dump him & not take him back. Wanker).

CakeRequired · 10/01/2021 14:04

YANBU to let her in, she needed help.

However, this bit confused me:

We were only back together for a few months after he found out I'd started seeing someone else.

Did you cheat on him? Or did you get back together because he found out you started seeing someone else after you split up? Assuming it's the latter and I'm just not reading it right. If you did cheat, I can see why he's got some of those issues, although not the covid related ones.

He sounds like a moron, thinking covid is a conspiracy, having parties during lockdown etc. He's no great loss to your life. Say bye and move on, and this time mean it, don't let him back in. Your relationship, or rather ex relationship, sucks. Don't try and fix it, it can't be fixed.

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 10/01/2021 14:05

Sounds like a lucky escape. Please don't take him back and I hope your friend is ok

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 10/01/2021 14:07

After reading your subsequent posts, I realise you've posted about him before.

Now is ABSOLUTELY the time to pull up your big girl pants & say NO MORE. Be strong, do NOT take him back. You CAN do it!

itsgettingweird · 10/01/2021 14:09

He sounds like a dick. And not just over this.

You didn't do anything not allowed within the guidelines. Your friend was vulnerable and needed immediate support.

The other information is irrelevant to the situation.

30scrisis · 10/01/2021 14:10

@CakeRequired yes it was the latter. I got with the other bloke about 8 months after we'd split up

OP posts:
30scrisis · 10/01/2021 14:10

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants I've had to make a new account so I'm glad you can remember my old posts. Things are still the same. I don't know why I love him like I do.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 10/01/2021 14:11

Delete, block and stick to it! He's toxic and you are better off without him.

rorosemary · 10/01/2021 14:11

I just don't know why though. I'm mid 30's and I feel since I've known him we haven't really got anywhere whereas other friends have met their partner, got married, bought houses, had babies.

If you want the same thing you really need to stop putting too much time in something that clearly isn't working. At your age men know if they want marriage and children and you really don't have the time to spend years and years chasing a dream.

30scrisis · 10/01/2021 14:12

I'd kinda told myself that was it and that nothing else was good anyway. Then I woke up today and I've questioned myself.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 10/01/2021 14:13

Read up on co-dependence, book a therapists. Get rid of this relationship properly.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 10/01/2021 14:18

You sound well rid. The relationship was doomed anyway. Don’t give him a second thought.

Echobelly · 10/01/2021 14:19

YANBU, though we still don't know much about immunity it is looking as though it lasts a few months at least, so she's not likely to be a carrier.

Your (I hope) ex was being a dick

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