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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have my friend in my house?

46 replies

30scrisis · 10/01/2021 13:45

My friend turned up at my front door absolutely devastated. Newborn baby and she's found our her partner had cheated on her again, this time the woman is pregnant. BF turned up shortly after and walked straight back out again, saying he would see me in a month. I couldn't have turned my friend away. She was crying her heart out. She had covid a month back, found out the days after she gave birth. So I'm guessing she had a degree of immunity? I may be uneducated on this. We have since split up. He won't discuss it. Just says my priorities lie elsewhere. He had friends over and went to parties etc in previous lockdowns, including this current one where he had three friends over. I didn't. I have stuck to the same circle, my mental health can be poor at the best of times. He has always disagreed with the figures over covid etc and think it is to a degree a conspiracy 🙄🙄 Now he's saying he can't trust who she's been around etc Anyway he wouldn't talk to me and we've split up. We were only back together for a few months after he found out I'd started seeing someone else. Our relationship had ended last summer before. So WIBU to have my friend in? I have minimal friends left after the last time we were together anyway. Quite accepting if I was BU. But what would you have done?

OP posts:
willloman · 10/01/2021 14:25

He was looking for an excuse. Move on to better people.

CakeRequired · 10/01/2021 14:28

yes it was the latter. I got with the other bloke about 8 months after we'd split up

That's what I thought, so he just doesn't want you to be happy. Sod him, find someone else.

Cocomarine · 10/01/2021 14:39

Given your follow up posts I’ll say it again: GET THERAPY

Rewis · 10/01/2021 14:42

Trash took himself out. Thats's good. No need to waste time thinking if you were unreasonable or not. It really doesn't matter in this case.

30scrisis · 10/01/2021 14:48

I think I do need a degree of therapy yes. Other relationships that havent been for me I have up and left. I seem to not be able to do it with this one.

OP posts:
AvoidingNextdoorNeighbour · 10/01/2021 14:52

Yaaaay! You just got your freedom handed to you with little effort on your part! Good for you. Now keep his gift of "fucking off" and run with it. Be glad you're shot of him. It sounds like a dreadful relationship to be honest.

I know people say you have to work at a relationship and put the effort in. I disagree. If it's a chore it's not one you want.

And good for you for looking after your friend. I'm a complete stickler for the rules, going so far as disinfecting my letterbox for posties, washing my shopping and getting DH to put his work stuff in the wash immediately after coming home and going off to shower (vulnerable household), but when my dad died and his GF was standing there breaking her heart, I rushed over and gave her a huge cuddle. She needed it, Covid be damned.

Winterwoollies · 10/01/2021 14:52

@30scrisis

Thank you all. He doesn't like this friend anyway. She worked for him for a while. Her BF is black and I think although he doesn't verbalise it this is a problem for him judging by comments he's made. We've been on and off for 4 years, he's 13 years older. When we got back together he kinda asked me to choose and I said I wouldn't do that. Yeah she makes bad decisions sometimes but don't we all at times? Worst thing is he won't talk about it. He's done this before. I've basically chased him for years, I just don't know why though. I'm mid 30's and I feel since I've known him we haven't really got anywhere whereas other friends have met their partner, got married, bought houses, had babies. I've just constantly walked on eggshells. I do love him so much but my friend needed me. I couldn't turn him away. It would've been so heartless.
So he’s racist, hypocritical and controlling? Don’t even mourn the loss of this relationship, he sounds like an absolute twat.
S111n20 · 10/01/2021 15:04

You sound better off without him.

Shamoo · 10/01/2021 15:19

I agree with the pp who said that whether it was reasonable or not to let her in (if she has a child under 1 it may not even be a breach of the rules, but I would have probably let her in anyway regardless of breach) is irrelevant - he has breached rules so he is being a complete hypocrite. Call him out on his hypocrisy and then leave him be. You can do better than him OP.

Hope both you and your friend are ok.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/01/2021 15:20

You have allowed this man to keep you in limbo for years whilst he picked your friends off one by one. He sounds very controlling. You are so well rid. If you want a proper relationship and children you need to keep as far away from this arsehole as possible.

TillyTopper · 10/01/2021 15:49

YANBU. To be honest if your BF can't understand the important of being there for someone at such a time he's probably not a long term keeper!

30scrisis · 10/01/2021 16:13

I think I need to just accept that I'm best off out of it. All your views have helped hugely, it was kind of what I felt anyway but just needed an impartial push... Think no contact would be the best way to go. Do I even delete all our mutual friends?

OP posts:
Ilovechinese · 10/01/2021 16:15

Yanbu to have been a good supportive friend! He is unreasonable and also sounds like a controlling prick! So it's fine for him to break the rules and he doesn't fully believe in covid but he can pretend he does so he can use it against you as a form of control! I would just get rid and block him on everything!

updownroundandround · 10/01/2021 16:16

@ 30scrisis

You were absolutely not BU, he is indeed a total bastard !

He cheats on you, disregards lockdown when it suits him, dumps you whenever it suits him and then blames you for helping your friend as the reason he's fucking off for a month ffs !

You are being a good friend, please don't stop being a good friend.

Your BF only sticks around when you devote all your time ensuring his happiness. Yet when you need to prioritize someone else (doesn't matter who, it could've been your Mum or next door neighbour, the result would've been the same), he fucks off after giving you a mouthful !

Dump his selfish, arrogant ass for the final time and devote your time to those who love and respect you.

HappyBumbleBee · 10/01/2021 16:42

Yanbu and it sounds like you’re well rid of your bf too!

Skysblue · 10/01/2021 17:28

Yanbu. He was looking for an excuse to leave. To be honest he sounds horrible and you’re much better off without him!

Well done on supporting your vulnerable friend, which has always been both legal and acceptable since the pandemic began.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 10/01/2021 17:32

sounds as if he has done you a favour.

Chuzzle · 10/01/2021 17:56

YANBU. He sounds delightful.

Well done for being there for your friend - which you are legally OK to do as she has a child under 1 (as already stated).

Chin up. Sounds like you're well rid.

cakecakecheese · 10/01/2021 18:11

Please make this a once and for all final split. It's far far better to be on your own than to be with someone so awful.

30scrisis · 11/01/2021 09:47

Thank you all, I will carry on being a supportive friend and I will actually leave him be this time. My friend and I have something in breakable. Shame really because the bloke I had met in the interim last year had a heart of gold and would've done anything for me. Wasn't my type at all looks wise but never once upset me. Very hard to decide what to do about relationships at this age.

OP posts:
ChristmasAlone · 11/01/2021 09:52

He sounds like an absolute cock

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