Plain Jane??

[AJB120]

I feel like I’m nothing except from a mam and a wife, I feel like I’m such a plain Jane. My hair is boring, my clothes are boring, I’m frumpy, not pretty and not very feminine. I’m just a plain boring person. I don’t like me. How do I change it????

I bet that you are not frumpy, plain or boring. Who would you like to dress like?

Well what do you want to change? Why do you think your hair is boring? What’s boring about your clothes?

(I bet you’re none of what you’ve said by the way!)

I've never been particularly interested in following fashion, beauty tips... So as a shortcut... When I was feeling particularly shit after loads of surgery, I found pics of a person whose look I thought would look good on me. I copied it and adapted it over the next months...

Best thing I ever did to make me feel better about myself!.

Is there anyone who has similar build /colouring to you, that you admire?

Sharp haircut and edgy boots and no-one notices what's going on in between.

What would you like to dress like? And what do you like doing? It sounds like you need something that is just for you.

You just need to fake it until you become it. Dress like the type of person you'd like to be.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

If it's style tips you actually want, have a look on Instagram or Pinterest until you find someone's style that you admire, and then just shamelessly steal their ideas.

But actually, my suggestion would be to do something that makes you feel more confident in general. Take up a hobby, join a gym, whatever. Your 'style' will follow after. You'll either feel more confident to try out new styles or you'll feel more confident to think 'i don't care about fashion, jeans and trainers are fine for me'. But it's win win, no matter which of those it is.

I wish women would stop using other women’s names as insults.

(And no, my name is not Jane, but there will be Janes about.)

I always felt that way about my hair. It was mousey brown, it was limp, and I wore glasses so some styles didn't fit. I basically kept it cut short with bangs and thought I looked mannish and unattractive.
Then i got sick, was bedridden for three months and my hair grew out.
Like Devil'sAdvocate I found a picture of someone whose hairstyle I liked -- Jane Wymark as Joyce Barnaby on Midsomer Murders. I took the photo to a beautician and got the same cut.

I think I look really good now. If only I could find my Tom!

@RickiTarr

I wish women would stop using other women’s names as insults.

Honestly get a grip. It’s a really old phrase that everyone knows.

Honestly get a grip. It’s a really old phrase that everyone knows.

The “Och we’ve been doing it for ages. Don’t be so uptight” defence? Funny how that’s always deployed in the shadiest of causes.

The shadiest of causes being the phrase Plain Jane. Okay.

@RickiTarr

I wish women would stop using other women’s names as insults.

You'd prefer Plain Wayne?

Or Plain Shane perhaps?

A good haircut and fashionable glasses if you wear them make a lot of difference.

Grim Jim? Or Tim?

Do we need to rhyme words? Doesn’t “plain” work on its own? What OP really means is “dowdy” anyway. Do we need to rhyme that with something? Quick, think of something.

Is there someone in particular that you like the style of? Perhaps some small changes for confidence building.
I imagine that you are not as plain as you think

One of my sisters gave me the Trinny and Suzanna book and the other took me shopping. I used to give in after trying four things and if I didn’t like any. She made me persevere and I came home with about three outfits some things interchangeable.

I would say ask for a personal shopper in one of the bigger stores.

OP, do you realise you have just placed all your worth solely on your looks. We can all feel a bit plain or frumpy sometime but your so much more than just your mirror image. Maybe write down some positive changes you would like to make, the ones that will probably make the most difference are your mentally and physical health based ones. Take time for you, I hope you can work out what will make you feel more positive and happy.

I think you should make yourself your New Years resolutions. You can check out Pinterest for clothes & hair inspiration, sort out your wardrobe, play around with outfits. If you can afford it you can get a stylist to help over zoom. However all that’s just window dressing - if you want to feel invigorated you need to do something for yourself. Start running, plan a trip, start a course - do something that reminds you that you are a person separate from your family.

Did you used to have a "look" that you've lost? Or have you never really felt like you had your own style?

After DD I spent a couple of years feeling shit about myself until I updated my pre-baby style and got my hair done.

Who do you wish you could look like?

@RickiTarr

I wish women would stop using other women’s names as insults.

I agree.

I didn't really find my 'style' until I was in my early 40s. I always felt dowdy and frumpy next to the women I worked with at the time, but I was on a much lower pay grade than everyone else and I mistakenly thought that I'd have to spend a fortune to make myself look better.

I spotted one of those "Colour me beautiful" books in a charity shop, and thought it'd be an interesting read for £1. It is a bit of a strange book, in my opinion anyway, but it was the best £1 I ever spent! I learned to dress for my body shape, and that really helped. I still couldn't spend a fortune on clothes, but the stuff that I did buy suited my wee chunky body!

What type of clothing do you need OP? Do you work in an office for example? And what kind of things do you normally wear?

And by the way, although I'm a wife I'll never be a mam, so that's something wonderful that your body has been able to do - please don't be hard on yourself, I'm sure your family adores you

Look in the mirror each day, at least once, and say "I love you". It works wonders