Plain Jane??

[AJB120]

I feel like I’m nothing except from a mam and a wife, I feel like I’m such a plain Jane. My hair is boring, my clothes are boring, I’m frumpy, not pretty and not very feminine. I’m just a plain boring person. I don’t like me. How do I change it????

@thistimelastweek
Sharp haircut and edgy boots and no-one notices what's going on in between.

This is excellent advice

I wish women would stop using other women’s names as insults.

Oh do get over yourself - maybe find something actually important to worry about. You, and others like you, must have the most boring lives if all you have to do is search threads on MN to find something to offend you.

@eaglejulesk

I wish women would stop using other women’s names as insults.

Oh do get over yourself - maybe find something actually important to worry about. You, and others like you, must have the most boring lives if all you have to do is search threads on MN to find something to offend you.

Right, because unless it’s war or famine or actual murder we are not allowed an opinion, right? Just shut up and sit down and let the everyday sexism go unremarked. Okay then.

I actually thought from the thread title that it was going to be a baby name thread and that the OP was asking whether the phrase “Plain Jane” meant she shouldn’t give a baby the name “Jane”.

I clicked on to say “No, it’s a beautiful name. Use it. Nobody uses stupid phrases like that these days!” Silly me, eh? 🙄

They'd only get it if it was their own name. It's not my own name by the way but @RickiTarr you are completely right in everything you've said. It's sad to see women leap on board with such haste to make another woman's name an insult.

I thought it would be a baby name thread too.

I bet you aren't!

Lots of style advice above so won't add to that.

But what I do think is you probably need to think how to refresh your life more broadly, if you feel you are just a wife and mother. If your kids are little can you build up some interests or training for when you do return to work, or if you are working - look for a more interesting job, or outside interests, or if you are retired then look at volunteering etc. Style makeover is great, but having as rich and layered life as possible is the thing that really adds life to people.

Join Style Sisterhood group on Facebook. It's a lovely group and you'll get lots of ideas and honest opinions. There are lots of professional stylists on there too who you could pay to do an analysis of your colour and shape and help you work out what suits you best.

Also yes to the sharp haircut and edgy boots advice

When I was a kid I was plain and gawky (1950s) and had a beautiful younger sister. My parents made no secret of the fact that she was the preferred child. When I told my gran I thought it was unfair that she was pretty and myself ugly she said:-

You are not ugly. You are plain and that means ordinary. Nowadays a plain girl can make a lot of herself with the right clothes, hair style and make up. We didn't have that when I was young because make up was not considered respectable. All those famous Hollywood film stars like Bette Davies and Barbara Stanwyk are really quite ordinary without their props and make up. They just have the power to make people believe they are beautiful.

She later reminded me that my sisters looks would not last forever and then she would have nothing, whereas I would always have my intelligence.

My grandmother was a very wise woman.

Thanks @WiseOwlRelaxing

@WiseOwlRelaxing

They'd only get it if it was their own name. It's not my own name by the way but *@RickiTarr* you are completely right in everything you've said. It's sad to see women leap on board with such haste to make another woman's name an insult.

Seconded.

Good coat, good hair, big cosy scarf, light make up, job done. This is what works for me anyway. Sorry you're feeling down OP. I would also have loved to have been a mum so at least that's a lovely thing that you can be proud of. It's a rubbish time of year plus covid, don't be too hard on yourself.

There was a really interesting article on woman hour on the power of names lots of contributions from Traceys, Sharons and Janes. Worth a listen before anyone says using a person' name as an insult is harmless

I think you need to spend more effort on learning to like yourself, the more you like you the happier you'll be.

On the plain jane thing - been round for yrs, still didnt put me off calling my daughter it, she's anything but plain and dull, she's kind, sweet, confident and well lush. More important to learn to like what you have and be happy.

@sneakysnoopysniper

Yip, your Gran hits the nail right on the head!

@eaglejulesk

I wish women would stop using other women’s names as insults.

Oh do get over yourself - maybe find something actually important to worry about. You, and others like you, must have the most boring lives if all you have to do is search threads on MN to find something to offend you.

I'm hoping that one day you'll actually get why some women don't like the use of a perfectly decent women's name as an insult.

I really don't think you can say those of us that choose to tackle this everyday shit, that a lot of women put up with, all have boring lives.

Op I'm sorry you feel this way about yourself. Maybe ask for this thread to be moved to Style and Beauty, you'll get good advice over there about making the most of what you've got.

I felt the same. So I lost some weight and improved my fitness. Got my hair done, eyebrows and eyelashes tinted. Bought new makeup and clothes. Started following women on Instagram whose style I liked and screenshotted their outfits. It’s a work in progress. When lockdown is lifted I want my teeth whitened and some skin treatments, go back to the gym and lose more weight.

Seconding the advice to head over to the S&B board. So much about making the most of oneself!

Find a look you like on someone else your build & colouring & see if it suits you. I studied a woman I aw every day on the way to work who was my height,build etc & saw she preferred tailored or fitted stuff, nothing floral,frou frou etc & actually I found I look thinner in that than baggy stuff I used to wear. . You Tube has loads of make up tutorials for all age groups, not just the beetle browed under 25's. And ask you hairdresser what would flatter your face shape & colouring to get ideas. Try different tutorials on putting it up or curling it too if it's tricky like my flyway limp locks. Foam rollers for an hour minimum on nearly dry hair were a revelation!

Carried moonbeams- that post is lovely.

**carrie