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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To throw out mail?

41 replies

Scottishshopaholic · 09/01/2021 12:38

Basically DP and I will have been living at this property for a year as of tomorrow but we are still receiving mail for the previous owners.

When we first moved in I tried to keep all of it and was handing it over at intervals (they only live 5 minutes away). After a few months of this happening I suggested a mail redirect. To which I received a rather sour message, saying that they had already done this and had changed their address over with everything. This was obviously rubbish as we had just received a doctors letter for them (surely that’s something you’d change over quickly?)

Anyway most of the stuff that comes from them now is junk mail, stuff from charities etc, however a final demand came in for them today (looks like it’s from council). DP has mentioned he has thrown several of them away for them already. I feel a bit guilty about this, however they obviously haven’t got their shit together and aren’t exactly appreciative when we do hand it over.

To complicate matters we have a terrible relationship with them, when we received the keys house was filthy despite them saying they had professional cleaners in (I let this go knowing there was nothing they could do). We then had to get lawyers involved as they had wrongly advertised something relating to the house, we ended up taking a settlement from them out of court. Plus they left crap in the garden which I ended up giving away for free after months of them not coming to pick it up.

Anyway getting back to the mail, I think from now on I’ll bin the junk and return the important looking stuff to sender. I just really don’t want to ever speak to them again. DP just wants to bin it all. AIBU?

OP posts:
Dogscanteatonions · 09/01/2021 13:09

If it looks important I'd cross out the address and write "return to sender no longer at this address" and bung it in a post box. Everything else yes I'd bin.

Dogscanteatonions · 09/01/2021 13:10

And bugger going out of your way to give them mail!

UrAWizHarry · 09/01/2021 13:11

Just return it to sender. Job done.

thisismyusername21 · 09/01/2021 13:14

Cross out their address and write return to sender on envelope on any that look important. I would bin junk mail too.

I expect my old place is still getting junk Mail
For me 😂 anything important I changed address.

NoWordForFluffy · 09/01/2021 13:14

We still get stuff after 6 years. None of it seems important, so we put it in the recycling.

We also walked it round initially, but sod that now!

twoshedsjackson · 09/01/2021 13:22

Perhaps, if you're feeling kind, you could open the letter which looks like a final demand, and contact the sender to pass on the new address, which you obviously had. It's a shame that you are not on friendly terms, but I can understand why you don't wish to make personal contact.
A friend of mine had this problem when he moved into his flat, not from the person who sold to him, that resolved rapidly and amicably, but the last resident but three. It became apparent that she'd skipped off leaving debts, and he eventually had to open mail and contact the senders. He was concerned that a bad credit record would be attached to his address, rather than the debtor. It worked for some creditors, but the older debts seemed to have been "farmed out" to a collection agency. Ten years later, he's in the process of moving house again, and I'm keeping an eye on his post; she's still getting the occasional bit of mail, and I just bin it.
If you find that writing "return to sender" doesn't do the trick, (it didn't in some cases for him), and you can be bothered, you could try this.
Most charities give up after a while, in my experience; cheaper to keep in touch with previous donors by email.

DishedUp · 09/01/2021 13:30

I would return to sender with not known at this address

I had an issue where previous tennant was clearly in a lot of debt, lots of letters through that I didn't open just piled up on the side. Ended up with bailiffs come round to collect their debt. Was quite difficult to sort out once it got to that stage. Also had police come round looking for them and things. Its best just to return to sender so it doesn't escalate.

FourDecades · 09/01/2021 13:42

If it's a debt letter from the Council l certainly wouldn't ignore that one as it's your address the baliffs will go to

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/01/2021 13:44

"Anyway getting back to the mail, I think from now on I’ll bin the junk and return the important looking stuff to sender. I just really don’t want to ever speak to them again. DP just wants to bin it all. AIBU?"

YANBU. Returning to sender is really the quickest way to stop future mail from coming your way. If he keeps binning it, the sender doesn't know that and they'll keep sending. It's not about being helpful to the previous owners - it's about not having to see their names (and therefore give them any headspace) coming through your door.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/01/2021 13:46

I used to send back. After year or so of stacks of letters I just started throwing them out. Surprisingly they stopped few months later🤷🏻

2020out · 09/01/2021 13:48

@twoshedsjackson

Isn't it illegal to open other people's mail?

emotionalpuddle · 09/01/2021 13:49

3 years on and we still get the previous owners post. I write "no longer at this address" and pop it in the post box. They hadn't changed their address anywhere and asked the neighbour to get their post from us and drop it in to them apparently! Most things have stopped coming now apart from a lovely little tiger they sponsor 🤣

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/01/2021 13:56

[quote 2020out]@twoshedsjackson

Isn't it illegal to open other people's mail?[/quote]
Not in certain circumstances. I would say that oepning letter suspecting it's a bailiff warning, for example, would be a reasonable excuse. Because if I had bailiff herr by the door the whole estate would know with minutes and I am not having that😂😂😂

Biker47 · 09/01/2021 13:58

[quote 2020out]@twoshedsjackson

Isn't it illegal to open other people's mail?[/quote]
No.

"A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person’s detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him."

Trying to either get it onward to the intended recipient or for informing the sender that the person doesn't live there is neither to the detriment of the intended recipient or unreasonable.

TillyTopper · 09/01/2021 14:05

If you throw it away then it'll just keep coming. Just print a few "return to sender, addressee no longer at this address" and pop them back in the post.

FamBae · 09/01/2021 14:24

If you have already passed on final demands I would definitely open and contact the company involved, it looks like they are sticking their heads in the sand by not notifying them of their new address.

TwirlingTwizzler · 09/01/2021 14:27

We had bailiffs at our door looking for the previous owner, I had to show them proof that I wasn't them. Return it to sender.

Cherrysoup · 09/01/2021 14:29

If you know their address, open the letter and pass on their details to the person who wants them to pay up.

We had demands/threats of bailiffs last house we bought, had to phone up the bailiffs and tell them we’d bought the house, bloke they were looking for had moved up the road, didn’t know his exact address, but estate agent could tell them. They’ve left us alone since, but the sheer volume of letters and paperwork we found left behind relating to him committing crimes and begging not to be convicted was concerning.

2020out · 09/01/2021 14:36

@biker47

Thanks. Sorry for the classic "could've just Googled that" question!

VettiyaIruken · 09/01/2021 14:36

Don't worry about bailiffs. If they come to the door you can prove you're not who they're after plus give them the correct address.

twoshedsjackson · 09/01/2021 14:45

I take your point about not opening other people's mail.
He only did it after "return to sender" and "not known at this address" and putting it back in the post didn't work, with official-looking letters.
It was the prospect of his address acquiring unfavourable associations which led to stronger action.

2020out · 09/01/2021 14:48

@twoshedsjackson

I take your point about not opening other people's mail. He only did it after "return to sender" and "not known at this address" and putting it back in the post didn't work, with official-looking letters. It was the prospect of his address acquiring unfavourable associations which led to stronger action.
Another poster answered my question and told me I was wrong Smile. It's not illegal.

I actually asked because I accidentally opened a huge bill addressed to someone else recently and was worried what could be done. I didn't want to phone the company only for them to tell me I'd broken the law!

LouiseTrees · 09/01/2021 14:49

With the council could it be council tax or something and could they end up at your door looking for it? I would be inclined to inform the council specifically of their new address.

ittakes2 · 09/01/2021 14:52

Write return to sender on please remove from mailing list on all of them and if it’s looks important I would write their new address on it. Think it’s illegal to tamper with mail.

EagleFlight · 09/01/2021 14:55

I’d return it all to sender. If it’s clear who the junk mail sender is, then try to find their head office email and ask for it to be removed if it really annoys you.

I wouldn’t bother rushing to the post box though and just do it when convenient or you are going anyway.