AIBU - surely the majority of people enjoy spending time alone?

[Swingometer]

I'm slightly bemused by a recurring theme in the "what do you like that other people don't like" thread where multiple people have said 'being alone'

Now I'm not suggesting we all want to be alone 100% of the time but surely having some time on your own is desirable for the majority of people?

I can only think of 2 people I've known who genuinely didn't seem to take any comfort from being alone and preferred to have a companion 100% of the time. You don't need to be an introvert to enjoy some peace and quiet and the opportunity to do exactly what you want for a few hours.

YANBU - yes I prefer to have some regular alone time and so do most people I know

YABU - it's unusual to enjoy alone time and majority of people don't like it

My dh isn’t good on his own. I love a bit of pottering time. It causes tension.

Wasn’t sure how to vote on this as I personally HATE being alone but also I think I’m unusual in this.

If I’m working I don’t mind it too much as I just concentrate and get on but an evening totally to myself feels like punishment

I don't have children and I love being home alone, in silence. I have a DP who will put the tv/radio on as soon as he gets up. At the moment he is working away and I flipping love it. I make cards and spend my time busy doing stuff. I work 2 1/2 days so that's the maximum contact with people I can cope with. Before covid I wasn't one for constantly visiting or having over family and friends as I'm an anti social sod. In fact, not that there is anything majorly wrong in my relationship but I think I function better on my own.

@NooneElseIsSingingMySong

It comes down to being introverted vs extroverted. People think introverts are antisocial but that’s not always the case. It’s just the introverts recharge by having time on their own while extroverts recharge by being with people. I read somewhere it’s about a 60/40 split of extroverts to introverts. I think extroverts would have you believe that introverts are weird! There’s no right or wrong it’s just different. DH and I are both introverted. He’s been WFH since March and I found it incredibly difficult not having time to myself.

But only a tiny minority of extroverts are so extroverted that they never crave alone time. Just like most introverts couldn't live as actual hermits never seeing a human being for years. It's a spectrum and only a very few are at one extreme.

I love being alone & having my own space. Have spent most of the last year alone & I didn't feel lonely which didn't worry me.
Obviously I do miss seeing friends for a meal but there's Zoom/WhatsApp/Skype plus the old-fashioned phone so we have good catch-ups once a week.
I've lived in the same place for nearly 18 years so can have a good chat with neighbours, yelling at each other from our front gardens.
I was alone for Xmas & really enjoyed it - made the house all festive, ate hassle-free ready meals & had booked calls with family.
I honestly don't think I could live with anyone again...
A lot of friends hate being alone. I don't think they're happy in their own company. For them I've noticed they view not seeing people as meaning they've got no friends.
They think I'm weird.

@CheshireDing

Personally I am very happy in my own company. Doesn’t mean I don’t socialising and meeting friends for drinks etc in the ‘ good old days of 2019’😀

I do think people should be able to cope with spending a decent amount of time on their own. I lived alone when I bought my first house aged 21 but then had friends who moved from their parents straight in with a partner. If a person like that suddenly ends up on their own in their 40’s (for example) would they find it so easy ?

This was me - home > boarding school > uni > living with boyfriend/husband > age 50 leaving for a flat by myself. It was massively strange for the first month or so after DC3 left for uni (had a couple of months in the flat just the two of us), but now that they're back due to lockdown, I'm finding the constant companionship a touch wearing .

I didn't leave H for a long time as I was worried about being on my own, but it's been great. There's a massive difference between "alone" and "lonely" though - I was lonely before, but am alone now, and much much happier.

I'm a bit of an introvert...love being alone.

My best friend is the opposite and genuinely cannot understand why anyone would ever want to be alone.

I've found the lack of alone time really difficult in lockdown

My husband hates being by himself. It really gets him down.
On the other hand I love being by myself a I need a lot of alone time.
It can be tricky to manage

I LOVE alone time.

DCs are at exH's, they went yesterday morning and I will pick them up tomorrow afternoon.

Currently have a spiderman duvet on me (I don't miss them but it's nice to have their smell) as I watch SATC on the sofa in my PJs. I'll cherish every minute until they get back. I never miss them.

I've been single for 2 years now and never felt lonely. Now and again I miss telling someone about my day. But the benefits far outweigh that.

I have always enjoyed my own company though even as a small child. I get easily irritated by others in general

I crave alone time. Since COVID I rarely get any and I'm so fed up.

It's not good if people are in the house. I need time where I'm guaranteed not to be interrupted!

I don't understand people who don't like alone time.

I love being alone unless I'm with DH. Generally hate socialising in big groups/going out. I'm a housewife so spend the day by myself at home unless I meet with a friend in the house. Some would hate being at home so much but I love it and feel completely comfortable here. My idea of a great night out is a late night trip to Asda

DH likes socialising but only with people he really knows, we'd rather socialise together like that really annoying couple that don't do anything apart. Works for us though.

I moved in with DH very soon after we met because I hated living alone though.

I love being alone

Ever since I was a child. Right from my first job, I've picked jobs where I'm almost entirely alone. My most miserable experience was when I worked in an office with other people for 6 months. It made me depressed. Soon went back to working nightshifts entirely alone

I lived alone until I was married, had few friends. I really don't mind being alone

I love my Dh and children. But I cannot stand the rest of the world, I'm not one for friends

It's like your my twin. I am the same, I work part time so I can have the rest of the day alone whilst DP still working.
I have a few friends but they mostly understand why I only see them twice a year. My kids have at least had the decency to grow up and move out so I really am alone a lot. I love it. I want the holy grail of a job I can do without meeting anyone, still looking.

Very anecdotal, but all the people I know who hate being alone tend to hop from bad relationship to bad relationship. Being comfortable with you own company should be an essential life skill for all, particularly women.

I love being alone. I would actually consider divorcing my DH (who really isn't that bad and who I quite like) so I could have EOW alone.

@Gurufloof night work, office admin, cleaning, care work. Downside is long hours and shit pay but upside is you are usually alone!

My grandmother was the same.

She lived alone once my grandfather died and she was besieged with people trying to help, trying to visit incase she was lonely.

She changed her phone number as the local Church kept offering befriending services, she said it was either that or she told them to fuck off!

She spent 15 blissful years all alone before she died, mainly in her garden, pottering in the house or taking herself on day trips. Family were firmly told that they should only visit a few times a year and that we should be off living our own lives anyway.

Haha oops wrong thread!!!

I'm reasonably gregarious but Jesus Christ if this year has taught me one thing, it is that I need time alone every day. it doesn't need to be hours of peaceful solitude by a crystal mountain lake, just 20 minutes on the Chingford to Liverpool line and another 20 scuttling down Bishopsgate does the job. A little bit of time where my thoughts are my own and uninterrupted.

Love alone time. I've actually enjoyed lockdown as I've never liked going out or meeting people I enjoy it while I'm there but see the build up to it as a chore.

@Royalbloo

I think it depends whether you have kids or not. I used to get super bored on my own but now I have DD I love time on my own!

I love time on my own and don’t have children. I have known one or two who just couldn’t function without other people though. One of them did have children.

I think most people like a balance as PP said, but some are more predisposed to wanting to be alone/wanting not to be. Personally I like it but I also like low key socialising, I have felt bored and lonely during lockdown at times (live alone) because the option to do any socialising beyond walks is off the table. But I don’t miss living with someone. I love that my time is completely mine and I don’t have to consider anyone else’s needs and preferences at home. I enjoy solitary pursuits like writing and drawing and need time alone to recharge after socialising. I think everyone should live alone at some point if they can (obviously this isn’t financially possible for everyone) and I do think it’s unhealthy to be completely unable to cope alone or be scared of the idea. Resilience and self-sufficiency is very important.

I imagine im fairly typical. I need some time alone and some time with other people! Some time all alone, some with my kids (obviously that’s slot of the time!) and some with friends and family.

I think that’s usual and it’s why COVID is so hard.

Most people I guess are somewhere along a sliding scale/ spectrum, with different ideal balances.

@Hardbackwriter

Of course most people enjoy spending some time alone but if they acknowledged that the people who have built their identity around their unique sensitivity and importance as an introvert (which is a tiny but vocal minority of introverts, most introverts aren't at all self-important or tedious about it but MN has a disproportionate number who are!) wouldn't get to feel so very, very special.

This is so spot on.

I know someone on FB who posts about being an introvert, like it is their main identity. It's boring and most of the time people don't really understand the meaning of the word.

I don't know anyone who doesn't enjoy spending some time alone. It's nothing unique or special.

I guess I fall under an extrovert, but I like time alone and I also like sitting in silence at times. I like a balance, like most people.

Those threads always attract answers that make me scratch my head, because no one ever posts anything that is unique or groundbreaking, yet they think it is.

@WankPuffins your gran sounds awesome. I live for the day I can retire and see as few people as possible. Should I still be with DP he has a hobby that will take him out a lot so I will still have lots of alone time. I will add that lockdown and covid have barely changed my life. Apart from last years furlough when I blissfully didnt have to work, not much has altered.