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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that bitching is good for you and every ones should do it?

48 replies

Annoy · 08/01/2021 19:17

I’m not a gossip but I do like a good birch sometimes if someone is off... this bitching only happens with a trusted friend or member of staff and it’s never about someone I’m close to.

For example, I’d never bitch about my sister as if there’s any issues with her we’ll chat it out.

But I will bitch about a colleague or the local shop keeper if they’ve pissed me off for some reason.

I think it’s helpful as it stops me snapping at them and alsoI often find thatthe person I’m birching too often thinks similar about the person I’m bitching about.

In work I have a bitching buddy and I would expect other to too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Annoy · 08/01/2021 19:19

By off I mean unreasonable. Not absent

OP posts:
Original poster
Annoy · 08/01/2021 19:20

Sorry for typos. I’m trying out this quick text thing on iphone and it’s shit!

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 08/01/2021 19:21

Hmmm. Sort of. I don’t find bitching to be particularly useful, especially if it’s about something totally inconsequential - ie the shopkeeper. But I do think it’s useful to be able to let off steam to your partner / close friend about stuff driving you bananas or unfair situations.

I think that’s different to bitching though, which to me is very personal, scathing and often defamatory beyond the original point. Ie “my boss is unfair for making me work at lunch” - fine. “My boss is a skanky old ho who makes me work at lunch and it’s probably because she’s unhappy at home because let’s face it she’s really ugly” - bitchy and not fine.

NiceGerbil · 08/01/2021 19:25

Our team let of steam about when people cock stuff up etc

I think it's completely normal tbh.

My team is all male as well and my workplace is 90% male the idea (not mentioned on this thread but in popular culture) that women are worse for this is not at all true IMO and IME the men can be awful!

I'm sure people bitch about me when I've fucked up as well, which is obviously fine!

As long as there's no bullying or any way they overhear etc then it's normal human behaviour and fine I reckon!

Original poster
Annoy · 08/01/2021 19:29

@ShirleyPhallus

Hmmm. Sort of. I don’t find bitching to be particularly useful, especially if it’s about something totally inconsequential - ie the shopkeeper. But I do think it’s useful to be able to let off steam to your partner / close friend about stuff driving you bananas or unfair situations.

I think that’s different to bitching though, which to me is very personal, scathing and often defamatory beyond the original point. Ie “my boss is unfair for making me work at lunch” - fine. “My boss is a skanky old ho who makes me work at lunch and it’s probably because she’s unhappy at home because let’s face it she’s really ugly” - bitchy and not fine.

Ha, see I would say my bitching is in between your 2 examples 🙈
OP posts:
Original poster
Annoy · 08/01/2021 19:31

@NiceGerbil

Our team let of steam about when people cock stuff up etc

I think it's completely normal tbh.

My team is all male as well and my workplace is 90% male the idea (not mentioned on this thread but in popular culture) that women are worse for this is not at all true IMO and IME the men can be awful!

I'm sure people bitch about me when I've fucked up as well, which is obviously fine!

As long as there's no bullying or any way they overhear etc then it's normal human behaviour and fine I reckon!

Oh yeah, bullying is unacceptable. And I accept that people are bitching about me. That’s fine
OP posts:
HintOfVintagePink · 08/01/2021 19:35

Nope. Totally disagree. There’s something karmic about bitching. It will always catch up and catch you out. People will trust you less and will bitch about YOU more if you bitch about them.

SomewhatBored · 08/01/2021 19:36

Not at work, no. I have a rule not to get involved in malicious conversations in the office.

Venting to someone outside work can be a healthy way to let off steam, but don't do it at work because it may come back to bite you.

SmileyClare · 08/01/2021 19:36

A bitching buddy? No don't have one of those. Would you list it as one of your hobbies? Grin

I mean we all occasionally like to moan or laugh about our boss to a friend or partner but I find the term "bitching" conjures up an idea of school girls whispering vindictive gossip about others.

I don't like hearing insulting gossip about people really. What on earth has a shop keeper done to deserve a "bitching" session? Confused

Maybe you have a short fuse and this is your way to let off steam? Even so, I don't think you can justify it by deciding its good for you. It's pretty unpleasant.

Orf1abc · 08/01/2021 19:38

There was a thread earlier where a poster logged into a zoom session to find her colleagues bitching about her. Horrible. Obviously they didn't mean for her to hear them, and they might have felt they were being reasonable. Just keep in mind that the person you're bitching about has feelings too.

BIWI · 08/01/2021 19:38

Nasty, nasty, nasty. Why would you want to do this?

Original poster
Annoy · 08/01/2021 19:41

Maybe the word bitching is wrong. More venting. I would say such things as ‘he does my head in’ or ‘why is she always such a martyr? We all have a heavy work load, not just her.’

OP posts:
Original poster
Annoy · 08/01/2021 19:41

@BIWI

Nasty, nasty, nasty. Why would you want to do this?
Because i think it’s human nature and everyone does it to some degree, even if they don’t admit it
OP posts:
SunniCameHomeWithAVengeance · 08/01/2021 19:41

Bitching is such a female hating word. Men criticise, women bitch. I personally don't talk about people behind their backs. I might think they are an idiot but I don't voice it.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 08/01/2021 19:42

Nope. It's immature and nasty. You might stop one day if you find someone has been bitching about you.

Liftmusic · 08/01/2021 19:44

I used to do it a fair bit but then I matured and realised it made me look horrible and I am not. I was trying to fit in and would never say it to the persons face.

I never do it now and like myself more because of it. If one of my friends starts bitching I steer the conversation to something else (also thinking that if she does it about them she is doing it about me).

HintOfVintagePink · 08/01/2021 19:45

I wondered how long it would before the ‘female hating’ comment came out. We know what bitching means - it’s slang for gossiping, criticising, ‘slagging’ off, moaning. Don’t make it a male/female thing. It’s just the colloquialism chosen to ask the question. Men bitch just as much!

Liftmusic · 08/01/2021 19:46

@HintOfVintagePink

I wondered how long it would before the ‘female hating’ comment came out. We know what bitching means - it’s slang for gossiping, criticising, ‘slagging’ off, moaning. Don’t make it a male/female thing. It’s just the colloquialism chosen to ask the question. Men bitch just as much!
I know, completely agree. Plus, men bitch and I have described them as bitchy.
CrotchBurn · 08/01/2021 19:48

Bitching is normal. Its social glue.

sproutburger · 08/01/2021 19:48

No, there's a group at my work who seem to do little but bitch and whinge about everyone and everything. It's created quite a negative atmosphere and I can't say I've missed being around them since March.

Liftmusic · 08/01/2021 19:58

I also don’t like it online, sometimes you see little gangs picking on another person and I find it depressing (I don’t mean here).

krustykittens · 08/01/2021 19:59

Depends. Everyone gets pissed off by other people and you need to vent. I only vent to my OH, however, as I can trust it to go no further and sometimes he will point out that I am unreasonable. But just casually slagging people off with workmates etc? No. That is unpleasant and uncalled for. If you have a problem with a colleague, talk to them. If you haven't the courage of your own convictions, shut your mouth. It's VERY unprofessional in the workplace. As one of my old bosses once said, "Make up your own mind about your colleagues and then keep your opinion to yourself." People who indulge in bitching as a way to pass the time nearly always go too far, imo, in a bid to keep the fun going they tend to get nastier and nastier. I have acquaintances on FB, through work, who used to love taking pictures of strangers and post them on FB, mocking them as they had decided they were 'up themselves' etc, or laughing at their taste in clothes. It was really unpleasant and has changed the way a lot of people view them. They eventually stopped when people pointed out how unpleasant and immature they were but we know that attitude is there now. They have just learned to hide it better.

Edgeoftheledge · 08/01/2021 20:00

Eww you sound delightful

JuniLoolaPalooza · 08/01/2021 20:03

@HintOfVintagePink

Nope. Totally disagree. There’s something karmic about bitching. It will always catch up and catch you out. People will trust you less and will bitch about YOU more if you bitch about them.
Totally agree with this. You have to be especially careful at work as people will stab you in the back - I might say something to a friends face but not put it in a message that can be screen shotted for example. I also observed that people who slang others off a lot are probably aslo sagging me off behind my back and I want no part in "feeding" that
redamancy · 08/01/2021 20:04

It doesn’t cross my mind to bitch tbh, it doesn’t achieve anything - I wouldn’t say it’s human nature at all.

I used to work with a woman who loved a good bitch and everyone knew as soon as they left the room she would have something negative to say about them to someone else, I met her mother and sisters once and they were exactly the same! Do your family like a good bitch too OP?