To think that bitching is good for you and every ones should do it?

[Annoy]

I’m not a gossip but I do like a good birch sometimes if someone is off... this bitching only happens with a trusted friend or member of staff and it’s never about someone I’m close to.

For example, I’d never bitch about my sister as if there’s any issues with her we’ll chat it out.

But I will bitch about a colleague or the local shop keeper if they’ve pissed me off for some reason.

I think it’s helpful as it stops me snapping at them and alsoI often find thatthe person I’m birching too often thinks similar about the person I’m bitching about.

In work I have a bitching buddy and I would expect other to too.

I think maybe people are talking about different things?

'
I don't like hearing insulting gossip about people really.'

I never do this, I'm not interested.

Ours is more like. God that workshop the other day, X facilitated really badly what a waste of time. Everyone seemed really pissed off.

I see that as normal and I have met only a handful of people, or maybe no one tbh, who never ever does that.

I agree it's quite an immature thing to do. It's one thing to make a passing comment to a work mate, you know an eye roll and "Martin the team leader is being a twat today" or asking dh "god what's she wearing?" about a celebrity or something.

However, I find it unpleasant that you enjoy a good bitch I don't agree that everyone does that. I feel pretty uncomfortable listening to malicious gossip or laughing at nasty personal insults.

I don't find it a bonding experience. I don't find it that entertaining or funny. I wonder if that comes with age and being more accepting of others, having more empathy? ( I'm quite old )

I also am perfectly happy with the fact that that my colleagues will talk about me (is that better than bitch which maybe has more connotations?) if I balls something up and cause urgent rework or something..
In general our team is very close knit and I think you do need to sound off sometimes to avoid getting frustrated etc with the person which would be way worse.

We all have our good and bad points and of course people notice that and talk about them.

I would definitely definitely say God X is being a dick about this topic.

I would never comment on personal stuff. Especially about women. In a male dominated workplace it would be counter productive.

I've told the men off before for things they be been saying, or just got up and left. I'm not having it tbh.

Talking about/ criticising work things out attitude is one thing. Gossiping/ talking about looks clothes etc is quite another and it's bollocks.

@NiceGerbil

I think maybe people are talking about different things?

'
I don't like hearing insulting gossip about people really.'

I never do this, I'm not interested.

Ours is more like. God that workshop the other day, X facilitated really badly what a waste of time. Everyone seemed really pissed off.

I see that as normal and I have met only a handful of people, or maybe no one tbh, who never ever does that.

This is what I mean.

I would never talk about personality or clothes. But what they’ve done that’s pissed me off.

I’m actually quite a nice person and well liked in work, I’m also trust worthy

I don’t believe for a second that those that disagree don’t do what I do to some degree... they just don’t call it bitching. Maybe bitching is the wrong word, because as I said in my OP... I don’t gossip

Me too

Funny isn't it.

I think letting off steam is better maybe.

I'm not going to lie. I feel people who bitch nastily drain my soul. I don't want to be around them. They are literally happy suckers. I have a friend who is bitches constantly about people... I leave her on speaker phone most of the time.I am considering ending the friendship.

@Annoy

I don’t believe for a second that those that disagree don’t do what I do to some degree... they just don’t call it bitching. Maybe bitching is the wrong word, because as I said in my OP... I don’t gossip

The rule I follow is quite simple - if I wouldn't be happy to say it to the person's face, I don't say it.

In the example someone gave above, of a course being badly facilitated, that's feedback I'd happily give face-to-face (obviously, worded in a constructive way).

Yeah ditch her.

I've ditched some friends who I'd had for years. It was hard (part of a group so I had to ditch them all and it was a 20 year+ since school type thing) but I'm happier for it.

I have no time for people who judge on trivialities/ gleefully pass on horrible news) etc etc. It's boring and pointless and says more about the person gossiping than anything else.

Love a good gossip/bitch. Only really do so with my sister...I can't let others know what I'm like

You're back pedalling madly Op

You're not bitching about work colleagues then, you're criticising their work performance? Well that's fine, my boss does that to me every time I have an annual review.

I'm reserving judgment on your bitching buddy at work. It sounds off to me.

I once walked into a conversation in the office kitchen between two women. It was obviously about me and they were talking about how I dressed and that I was only thin because I probably lived on lettuce and laughing.

It was upsetting but worse, so embarrassing for all of us. I awkwardly made my coffee in the deathly silence and walked out. It reminded me of the sort of border line bullying you get at school. I was close to hiding in the toilet and crying, I thought I was past all that school yard crap. I got over it and didn't cry! I think if you've been the target, you see things differently.

Bitching makes a bitch. It brings out the worst in people and I’ve found bitchy people just get nastier and nastier. Then they attract like minded people and soon their whole life revolves around negativity and nastiness.

Rather than building up resentment and then venting, why not try being your true self all the time? Live honestly and without fear?

Depends on what you're saying and about whom.

I wouldn't say something nasty about someone's appearance generally.

However, I know a slim, attractive woman who posts photos of herself in a bikini (size 8) tanned and gorgeous who posts a long caption about how shes not perfect and she has so many flaws and she knows she has a mum tum (she hasn't) but she embraces it anyway.

Yeah I'll have a good old bitch about that!

I feel a bit soiled when I bitch. As in, trash somebody who hasn't harmed me.

IF somebody has set out to exclude me, mock me, undermine me, then I'm not bitching I'm reporting my experience.

Agree, men report their experience of somebody all the time and they're respected for not putting up with shit.

Absolutely not.

I may sometimes openly question the decisions or competence of senior management but I do not bitch about work colleagues. Never have, never will. If anyone starts to bitch to me about someone else, I immediately and pointedly change the subject. This approach has served me well for 30 years and it is how I intend to continue.

That you enjoy a good "bitch" (that word makes me cringe) is one thing but it's more worrying that you think it's a healthy thing to do, it really isn't, its just indulging and perpetuating negative thoughts which isn't good for any of us. I usually find it reflects the insecurities of the person doing it.

Venting and having a bit of a moan is only useful as long as you acknowledge that's what it is and doing it doesn't change whatever you're unhappy about.

I can honestly say I do not bitch about people. I am also an auld wan, invisible to most people under the age of 30. You'd be surprised what I hear and see.

I don't usually bitch about people but have been through some stuff where it really does help. It is cathartic.

I hear loads of stuff because the men somehow think I'm 'one of the them'.

When I was younger I didn't know what to do tbh. Now I'm older I say that's out of order or just walk away.

And yes I do tell my (small number) of female colleagues who said what because they need to know who's a sexist arsehole when they think it's 'safe'.

I also let of steam with my team about other members of the team and they do it with me.

It's way better that we get things off our chests that way than be constantly saying to each other. You handled that badly. That was a silly mistake. I find your communication style irritating. Why the hell did you go and do that? Etc etc. Rather than letting off steam and having a swear and then telling them in a more constructive way!

I have no doubt they do it about me and that's fine.

@Somanysocks

I don't usually bitch about people but have been through some stuff where it really does help. It is cathartic.

Is it bitching if you are reporting what happened? eg, somebody giving you the silent treatment for over a year? I ''protect'' her by not sharing that with somebody. If i share it, I will be perceived to be bithcing :-/

@SmileyClare

You're back pedalling madly Op

You're not bitching about work colleagues then, you're criticising their work performance? Well that's fine, my boss does that to me every time I have an annual review.

I'm reserving judgment on your bitching buddy at work. It sounds off to me.

I once walked into a conversation in the office kitchen between two women. It was obviously about me and they were talking about how I dressed and that I was only thin because I probably lived on lettuce and laughing.

It was upsetting but worse, so embarrassing for all of us. I awkwardly made my coffee in the deathly silence and walked out. It reminded me of the sort of border line bullying you get at school. I was close to hiding in the toilet and crying, I thought I was past all that school yard crap. I got over it and didn't cry! I think if you've been the target, you see things differently.

Im not back pedalling but I do think I have been slightly misunderstood on here. I stand by the fact that I have a bitching buddy in work..... there are 65 colleagues and it’s her that gets it, and vice versa. I’m her sounding board.

Like I say it’s a bitch about work, not about personal stuff.

I bitch about our local shop keeper all the time to my dh as he is an absolute grumpy arsehole. It’s about how he acted or spoke. Not how he dresses etc. But what’s the point in telling him he’s a grumpy sod? I’ll just go and bitch to my dh instead.