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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Infertility and feeling like everyone must be laughing at what a fucking disaster my life is

30 replies

LaughingStock2021 · 08/01/2021 18:20

Feeling really awful today. It's PMT, I know. Every month before my period the pain of knowing I cannot have a child seems to ramp up a lot of notches.

Having a really savage feeling today that my whole life has been such a mess that what on earth must other people think? It's been full of illness and multiple bereavements of my immediate family. I try to keep going but really behind my back, people must be tittering at how deluded I am to keep going. I rarely give much though to what people think of me but for some reason today I am?

I come from a small town, so well aware of how nasty people can be talking about others.

My friends are lovely but i expect they feel a bit sad when they think of me, and I honestly can't blame them if they feel better about themselves when they think of how unfortunate I am in terms of my own health and that of my family. All my friends still have both parents. I'm worried my remaining parent isn't going to make it another year. I'm devastated.

I fucking hate being a lame duck. Probably for the best I'm not passing on genes tbh but the pain of wanting a child of my own is still there. Diagnosis this year has fully squashed any optimism about being able to do that, because I could end up really disabled and I'm terrified if that happened what if I resent the baby and terrified I would not be able to give the baby a good life or even fully meet their needs? What kind of monster am I to even think that way though that I could resent my own child? Again, probably for the best I'm not going to be a mother seeing as that's how my brain works.

I feel shit today, sorry for ranting in AIBU but I know I am being U really, just need a kick up the arse and to pull myself togetehr. Have loads to be grateful for really and a good life, just not healthwise! Ugh.

OP posts:
Hueandcry · 08/01/2021 18:27

Not sure why anyone would laugh at your situation. Certainly no friend would. Im sorry you're having such a hard time Flowers

Duckduckduck123 · 08/01/2021 18:28
Flowers
formerbabe · 08/01/2021 18:29

I'm sure no one is laughing at you...Flowers

Henio · 08/01/2021 18:29

Sending hugs Flowers I'm sure you would make a great mum, there are lots of other options out there too so please don't think it'll never happen for you

Whatup · 08/01/2021 18:31

Sounds like you need some comfy PJ's and a gallon of ice cream and some nice TV. Not to be patronising but sometimes nothing beats it for the blues! Hard to be sad when your comfortable and full!

Cornishmumofone · 08/01/2021 18:34

I got married at 24 and didn't have a child until I was 38. I never considered whether people were talking about me. Anyway, It was none of their business whether I was childless through choice or not.

Disabrie22 · 08/01/2021 18:35

I’m not laughing - sending lots of love to you, is there anything you can do to be kind to yourself? Feel free to talk and we will listen xxx

SpudsandGravy · 08/01/2021 18:37

I'm very sorry you're having such a hard time Thanks

I'd be very surprised if anyone is laughing at you. If anybody is obnoxious enough to be doing that then they're definitely not the kind of person you should worry about, and I'm absolutely sure that everybody else would despise them for it Thanks

TonMoulin · 08/01/2021 18:49

Like the others, I doubt anyone is laughing or judging you Flowers

I do think you have a really complex and shitty situation to deal with. I’m wondering if you could do with some support in RL and/or some counselling

museumum · 08/01/2021 18:58

Why would ANYONE laugh at somebody who has experienced illness and bereavement??
If you are around people in real life or in social media who would behave like that you need to have a big rethink of who you associate with. Nobody I spend time with would even think about “tittering” at misfortune as you say. Please get some better kinder associates.

butterpuffed · 08/01/2021 19:06

You need to change your username, you're definitely not a laughing stock , you're feeling low, which isn't helped by PMT and it's fine to let your feelings out Flowers

SirGawain · 08/01/2021 19:35

I’m thinking what a strong person you must be to cope with all this. No decent person would rejoice in someone’s woes. If the did they’re not worth the time of day.

LaughingStock2021 · 08/01/2021 20:01

Thank you all for replying, was really helpful to get it off my chest. Mumsnet is brilliant for being able to talk frankly.

My friends are all lovely people and definitely wouldn't be gleeful at anyone's misery. And my social media is a cheerful place, I don't have any frenemy type contacts there.

It's just a sense of embarrassment I guess. Illogical, but sometimes hormonal moods are wildly illogical.

Going to have a cup of tea and a bar of chocolate, thank you all so much Flowers

OP posts:
Lookslikerainted · 08/01/2021 20:16

I’m so sorry OP. It must be so so hard for you.

LadyJaye · 08/01/2021 20:22

All the PPs have said lovely supportive things, which I agree with, so I'm going to jump in with a wee bit of tough love and a quick reality check:

Nobody else thinks about us half us much as we think they do, with the possible exception of your mum (and even that's not guaranteed).

Honestly. You are not - and I mean this as kindly as I can - that important to other people, who all have their own shit going on 24/7.

Once you realise this, it's actually very liberating! Chin up, keep dancing, have some ice cream. Smile

Lookslikerainted · 08/01/2021 20:25

@LadyJaye

All the PPs have said lovely supportive things, which I agree with, so I'm going to jump in with a wee bit of tough love and a quick reality check:

Nobody else thinks about us half us much as we think they do, with the possible exception of your mum (and even that's not guaranteed).

Honestly. You are not - and I mean this as kindly as I can - that important to other people, who all have their own shit going on 24/7.

Once you realise this, it's actually very liberating! Chin up, keep dancing, have some ice cream. Smile

Yes this

I wanted to say this but chicken out. No one thinks about us but us.

Sarahandduck18 · 08/01/2021 20:29

Hugs

It’s sounds like your mood is all over the place.

People are too caught up in their own insecurities to really spend that much time thinking about others.

Just get on with your life how you want to live it.

LaughingStock2021 · 08/01/2021 20:30

Yeah in general i agree, and as I say it's not something I normally am bothered by. But the local grapevine hard at work and an upcoming school reunion is prompting some of this for me, I think.

There's a particularly unpleasant girl I went to school with who honestly does take a marked pleasure in other people's misfortune. Obviously, I don't have anything to do with her.

Sorry, I feel quite vulnerable.

OP posts:
LaughingStock2021 · 08/01/2021 20:35

Just get on with your life how you want to live it.

100%. I do, in terms of the things I have a choice in. I take ownership of those, the good and bad.

But I suppose with infertility that's the thing. It's not getting on with my life how I'd want to live it. There is a gap, for want of a better word, where I always thought a child would be. Same with having signfiicant bereavements, that's obviously not a choice, again it leaves a gap.

I suppose I need to work on acceptance.

OP posts:
SeeYouInAnotherLife · 08/01/2021 20:38

I’m sorry things have been so difficult for you.

But no one is laughing at you. Really they’re not. Most people think about themselves most of the time. If you’ve been unfortunate enough to come across someone truly unpleasant, try and put them out of your mind. What she thinks of you doesn’t matter.

Flowers Have you talked to anyone about how low you’re feeling?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 08/01/2021 20:41

You are having a real back dog of a day
But I’ll assure you no one would laugh at you , or mock you
And if they did they are evil , so no loss
Look after yourself
If the black dogs days are too many you know you can address it ?
FlowersFlowersFlowers

Thisisworsethananticpated · 08/01/2021 20:42

Black dog

Thisisworsethananticpated · 08/01/2021 20:43

Well the school reunion won’t happen hopefully

LaughingStock2021 · 08/01/2021 20:47

I do have some anti depressants prescribed, since parent's illness diagnosed. Haven't taken them yet though - I honestly don't think I can bear the initial worsening of anxiety symptoms for a few weeks that seems to be the norm for taking them.

Apart from before period when my mood is low, I'm managing.

OP posts:
SandysMam · 08/01/2021 20:49

I know what you mean OP. Sometimes I feel like nothing bad ever happens to anyone else I know except me!! I literally have one tragic disaster after the other. I don’t feel like people are laughing at me but I do think they are thinking “thank fuck I’m not Sandy” which is worse! It leads me to some very negative thoughts wishing bad things on people which I then feel awful about.
I’m sorry you have been through so much shit, definitely have that chocolate. There is some very good advice on this thread Flowers

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