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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Infertility and feeling like everyone must be laughing at what a fucking disaster my life is

30 replies

LaughingStock2021 · 08/01/2021 18:20

Feeling really awful today. It's PMT, I know. Every month before my period the pain of knowing I cannot have a child seems to ramp up a lot of notches.

Having a really savage feeling today that my whole life has been such a mess that what on earth must other people think? It's been full of illness and multiple bereavements of my immediate family. I try to keep going but really behind my back, people must be tittering at how deluded I am to keep going. I rarely give much though to what people think of me but for some reason today I am?

I come from a small town, so well aware of how nasty people can be talking about others.

My friends are lovely but i expect they feel a bit sad when they think of me, and I honestly can't blame them if they feel better about themselves when they think of how unfortunate I am in terms of my own health and that of my family. All my friends still have both parents. I'm worried my remaining parent isn't going to make it another year. I'm devastated.

I fucking hate being a lame duck. Probably for the best I'm not passing on genes tbh but the pain of wanting a child of my own is still there. Diagnosis this year has fully squashed any optimism about being able to do that, because I could end up really disabled and I'm terrified if that happened what if I resent the baby and terrified I would not be able to give the baby a good life or even fully meet their needs? What kind of monster am I to even think that way though that I could resent my own child? Again, probably for the best I'm not going to be a mother seeing as that's how my brain works.

I feel shit today, sorry for ranting in AIBU but I know I am being U really, just need a kick up the arse and to pull myself togetehr. Have loads to be grateful for really and a good life, just not healthwise! Ugh.

OP posts:
Chicchicchicchiclana · 08/01/2021 20:51

Why have you put this in AIBU? You need some kind support. Mumsnet AIBU isn't really the best place for it.

Highfalutinlootin · 08/01/2021 21:44

This post is a bit self-indulgent and dramatic. But on the bright side, I can assure you no one spends time looking down on others for health issues or infertility. I have never met anyone that cruel. But also, no one really cares enough about anyone else's life to think about things like that. Find people in your life or a therapist you can share these challenges with to work through your feelings.

LaughingStock2021 · 08/01/2021 21:59

This post is a bit self-indulgent and dramatic.

Yes, it's fair and true that I'm indulging myself and my feelings. They just feel...big and impossible to fathom. Don't want to worry anyone in real life.

I'm devastated about the possibility of having no parents left and devastated about not being able to have children of my own, and my shitty painful period is a very unwelcome reminder of the latter like a cherry on a shit cake so yup right now I'm going to wallow with chocolate.

I assume you are infertile and have no parents/ terminally ill parents yourself but have adjusted brilliantly? Good for you. Wish I was a tough nut.

I don't know how to reframe this. A therapist cannot help, it is what it is. I don't actually think there's anything mentally ill about my reaction to multiple grief situations. Infertility feels like a form of grief to me.

OP posts:
LaughingStock2021 · 08/01/2021 22:00

can assure you no one spends time looking down on others for health issues or infertility. I have never met anyone that cruel.

I have though.

OP posts:
alltoomuchrightnow · 08/01/2021 22:42

That's harsh, Highfalutin, I'm infertile and met hundreds who have looked down. That's no exaggaration. It's made me ill and almost suicidal at times. I could write a book re the comments and assumptions made.
It's ranged from my own family , to customers (I work in retail) asking personal questions...

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