to think its so damm rude of people who tell others to f* *k off.

[talulasmum]

grow up for gods sake, the majority of us only come on here cos we're bored stiff and just killing time till something good comes on the telly, chill out. its not like we're discussing climate change or world peace, why get so angry ! !

some of you just cant control it.

( yes, ive done it, but that was then, this is now.)

Lapid i consider there to be a two tiered system where popular posters are pretty much allowed to get away with most things within most others value systems - so for instance whilst i just would not do to be racist it is fine for certain posters to tell others to effectively get themselves when some one has used an expletive directly at them - rather than as an exclamation ie"oh shit" or "bollocks!" but rather on a personal level.

I think this is quite indicative of mumsnet, something that i accept as part of the norm and as part of a wider context. a large part of mumsnets value system incorporates being nasty on a personal level - the wider context i previously mentioned, is the nice stuff, the sad stuff etc - but yes this is a factor.

and the reason its being talked about is becuase - it didn't used to be. More shockingly, it didn't used to be for the people who actually employ this personal method - who have been hee a long time.

Tiz the rare and the brave that apologise, for this is seen as a sign of weakness.

i chose my words carefully when i said 'tiered'

one may also say "cliques" of people but we all know how that word sets people off.

Ooh. This is interesting

but Talulasmum, a lot of us are discussing things like climate change or world peace .... ok it's the bottlefeeding and smoking in preganncy threads that tend to get the swears, but it's because people feel strongly about it.

Colditz - please direct me to threads on climate change and World peace?

They've gotta be more interesting than debating whether some folk can say fuck off or not

Sorry Custy, but I just don't understand what you are saying in your last post.

"popular posters are pretty much allowed to get away with most things within most others value systems - so for instance whilst i just would not do to be racist it is fine for certain posters to tell others to effectively get themselves when some one has used an expletive directly at them - rather than as an exclamation ie"oh shit" or "bollocks!" but rather on a personal level"

So you are saying that you would not be racist, but that other people will tell posters to get over themselves if they are sworn at? How are those two things linked?

I genuinely don't see anything wrong with telling people not to overreact - or even "get over themselves". Using your own example of below, the post which implied you were thick and ignorant - well, MT didn't really say it like that, did she? You made some comment about her not calling people thick, when she had said they were ignorant of the facts, and she responded "Being ignorant of the facts isn't the same as being thick Custy - you being the exception to that rule obvioulsy ". Now I can see how that could be offensive, but you had capped your own post with a and I think anyone reading her response would have seen it as joking. Do you really think she believes you are stupid? Honestly?

Actually, I think you are right, Custy, I've been taken aback to see you being attacked on a couple of threads for what seemed to be perfectly reasonable posts. Taken aback because you are a well-known poster and other regulars tend not to get too aggressive with each other.

I haven't read all the replies, sorry.

Personally, I find that sometimes a good, stiff 'Oh Shut The Fuck Up' works wonders. Maybe it's just me.

I should add that if you were genuinely upset by that remark, then obviously it was out of order. But in the past, you yourself would have said something like "thick as custard, ho ho ho" and not taken it so seriously. You do seem to be more cross about small comments these days - perhaps because you have been subjected to too many of them, I don't know, I obviously don't see every thread you are on. Perhaps that's why sometimes other posters, such as me, think "blimey, she's over-reacting there" - do you see what I mean?

We need to be really careful here not to make it all about one person, however it started.

WHO IS ATTACKING THE BELOVED CUSTARDO? MAY THEIR FINGERS BE RENT FROM THEIR BODY AND THEIR FANJOS TURN TO TICKERS OVERNIGHT!

Of course, VVV, you are right, I was just responding to Custy in specifics because of her post.

In general terms - of course personal attacks shouldn't be allowed. But sometimes I think that people's definition of what constitutes a personal attack can be very tenuous (probably not the right word, but you know what I mean) and it's not necessarily evil to tell someone you think they are over-reacting.

For example, if you now say to me "that was a stupid thing to say" and I go ballistic over that, I think Colditz would be justified in telling me to calm down (just using us as we are all here!)

I'm also genuinely curious as to who constitutes this tiered system that Custy mentions, as she has talked about it before. I really can't think of one poster who never gets pulled up. Cod does; hunker does; Aitch; you yourself VVV. Who are these teflon posters? I'm NOT being catty, I really want to know.

Me, I'm untouchable! mwahhahahaha

You see, you can't I'm untouchable

It was more along the lines of WHY you are untouchable

Oh I get pulled up very regularly, on the pretext that I never get pulled up

custferatu great posts. agree with you.

im not objecting to bad language being used in some situations, im objecting to it being used as a personal attack on someone. i dont think ive ever told anyone to f**k off in real life (apart from my dh)

said it in my head to millions of people. but its only a few people on here that are quite offensive, maybe they think their being "edgy" i dont know.

lapin sometimes i think you go out of your way to have a go at me

my pov is that there are some posters who are alowed toget away with more than most. more nastiness etc.

i didn't say anyone was as you put it " teflon"

and a smile doesn't make a nasty comment ok.

Custy, I absolutely don't go out of my way to have a go at you. To be completely honest, I don't care enough to make the effort. I'm just responding to your post. As far as I know this is the only issue on which I disagree with you. And I don't consider that my post was "having a go" anyway, it was perfectly polite.

I know you didn't say anyone was "teflon" -I did, it was my own shorthand for "popular posters are pretty much allowed to get away with most things".

You have mentioned this before, and all I am asking is - who are these posters? because I don't know who you are talking about.

lapin i understand you are having difficulty getting on tonight - so i understand a delay in any response.

I haven't mentioned any names. that would both be crass and unwise. well tantamount to shooting myself in the head - still it is somethign that i feel is a reality here.

Well I know exactly what custy means, being amongst the bottom feeders myself .

I've seen posters say outrageous things and get away with it - usually under the pretext of feeling unwell/being drunk/whatever else they can think of.

Oh it was only for 10 minutes, same as everyone else when it all went "wibble" earlier.

OK, fair enough, I guess we will just have to agree to disagree.