Compulsory assertiveness training at school. for girls

[CallistoSol]

I've just read yet another post by a woman allowing herself to be treated like dirt in her own home. I am constantly astounded and dismayed by how lacking in basic assertiveness skills women seems to be. Surely its time for this to be included in the curriculum as parents are clearly failing to give girls confidence and teach clear boundaries?

I've literally just started a similar thread!!

@Sheleg

I've literally just started a similar thread!!

Cool, will check.it out

Yanbu. A lot could be done to improve the self-esteem and self-respect of young women and girls. It’s so culturally entrenched that it’ll take decades to combat too. It should start early too, telling girls they are clever and capable instead of pretty and cute.

What are parents and the curriculum to teach boys to respect females? Or is assertiveness something we have to learn?!

I agree with you but 60% think you are being unreasonable!

Obviously in an ideal world boys would grow up learning that women and girls are equals. However, as boys seem to grow up thinking women and girls are less and other I would prefer to concentrate on what we can do to help girls.

@FOJN

I agree with you but 60% think you are being unreasonable!

I assumed I would be found guilty of unreasonableness. But then I am assertive and have strong boundaries so it isn't the first time

Both could be covered in PSHE, along with healthy relationship boundaries etc?

I think both girls and boys should be taught something similar to the Freedom Programme throughout their education. It should be an ongoing topic which is adapted for age and developmental stage from 4 to 16.

Girls definitely need to be taught that they are allowed boundaries and how to say no. That in no way takes away the need to teach boys to respect girls and women, both should be taught, because the most respectful man in the world will never be harmed by an assertive woman who knows what a good relationship looks like.

@CallistoSol

Obviously in an ideal world boys would grow up learning that women and girls are equals. However, as boys seem to grow up thinking women and girls are less and other I would prefer to concentrate on what we can do to help girls.

I dislike this attitude. It's girls who carry keys on nights out in their fists in case they get attacked, drink with their hand over the bottle at a party and feel the pressure to dress a certain way to not attract attention. And now they should be taught assertiveness because we can't trust boys to respect them. And your OP states parents aren't doing enough to teach girls this. I'm sure there's an indirect view that it's the mothers who are lacking in doing this for their daughters. I say parents and the curriculum should teach boys from day one about respect not girls how to protect themselves.

A lack of assertiveness is a very small part of why a person might stay in an abusive relationship. You can enter into a relationship with all those skills, it's what happens during that time that results in the loss of esteem and confidence.

Perhaps we should also offer classes in 'not all lives are as simple as yours'?

I agree with you OP. Not so much as an effective counter to extreme cases but as something that could help a lot of women, in a lot of everyday situations. It's the 'how to' that's often missing. How to be a nicely, politely assertive. Far too many people see assertiveness as meaning something similar to aggression.

Also how to recognise when you're being trampled on. That other people are not all as nice as you, haven't been trained to be as thoughtful about others as you have been and care very little about fairness, or your feelings.

That's a British failing generally, having nothing in-between complacent capitulation and spluttering rage. Refusing to complain when a complaint is obviously warranted, then losing control completely and shouting at people.

So, I think all British people need to be taught assertiveness.

Surely its time for this to be included in the curriculum as parents are clearly failing to give girls confidence and teach clear boundaries?

Why is it up to schools to fix every one of society's problems? Why dong you think parents who are lacking should have to step up?

I agree with the principle, that girls should be taught to have self-confidence. I just don't know why this is anything to do with an academic curriculum.

I do think PP's previous comment on teaching the something like the freedom program is spot on ... gives girls (and their friends) the ability to spot early red flags on a relationship.
I was blind to the red flags / thought I could handle them ... I was wrong

This has to be a joke? 'How Not To Be Abused 101'?

I agree with parents, teachers, and everyone instilling confidence in all children, but suggesting that women "allow themselves" to be treated like dirt is unhelpful victim blaming. Maybe we should be teaching everyone not to treat others like dirt.

I agree especially about relationship boundaries.

Yes and perhaps balanced with what 1940s suggested earlier otherwise it's a bit victim blaming.

I don't think this would work, but I do think there is room in the curriculum for proper teaching about respect, relationships, boundaries and so on for both sexes.

I hate the way that systemic misogyny is by default tackled with How Do We Teach Our Girls policies.

Every nice well-meaning liberal parent I know is fully signed up to the whole gamut of teaching their daughters they can be anything they want, free of gender stereotypes, how to stand up for themselves. That's great.

Way fewer talk about How We Teach Our Boys - how we bring them up to respect women, to question ideas of masculinity in the same way most women of my acquaintance and their daughters question femininity, to have the same understanding and self-awareness of their sexuality that women need to have.

I agree.
Girls would benefit from assertiveness skills
Parents play their part too
And boys should also be taught to respect girls.

It’s a multi layered issue not helped by for example a danish kids tv show about a man with an uncontrollable wayward willy

@Whatisthisfuckery

I think both girls and boys should be taught something similar to the Freedom Programme throughout their education. It should be an ongoing topic which is adapted for age and developmental stage from 4 to 16.

Girls definitely need to be taught that they are allowed boundaries and how to say no. That in no way takes away the need to teach boys to respect girls and women, both should be taught, because the most respectful man in the world will never be harmed by an assertive woman who knows what a good relationship looks like.

I agree. As a child I was never taught to stand up to others and I was even discouraged from doing so. My dad avoids any kind of confrontation and I was bullied at school. It had somewhat to do with being a female for sure. My brother got away with far more

Place marking

@FOJN

I agree with you but 60% think you are being unreasonable!

Almost certainly because where is the thought that boys need to be taught to respect women as people with rights? Very sad to see upthread someone saying essentially "well, that won't happen, so..." Why the hell not? Both. Both are good.