DH feels the kids and I should go to my mums while he isolates in our family house after an overseas trip.
DH went overseas midDec as his mum was sick. She died on 30th. Everyone is very emotional. He will return a week after our oldest’s (primary age) birthday and 4 days before the anniversary of our son’s death near the end of this month.
We live in a small 3-bed house. One kitchen. One bathroom. Two primary age children. No spare room. We both have wooden shed offices in the garden.
I am CEV. My mum offered to put him up for 10 days isolation. I told him about this offer and he flipped out for ‘telling him how to live.’ No, he will come home and Isolate here so he can have all his stuff and be in comfort while he does so. My mum’s husband is CEV too. But the room being offered has an en-suite and the suggestion was that we move his work laptop there, she delivers meals to his door and he can Isolate in that room.
We both need to work FT to pay the bills. I am self employed. He works for a large financial company. If I don’t work I get nothing. Last lockdown we split the childcare as his employer agreed he could be part time. Then in the summer then his work said no. I worked through every bit of savings I had trying to manage the kids and work. It nearly broke me and I was recovering in October and November with very little work or income (I have lifelong health issues that cause fatigue). Btw He decided he could not teach the kids during his ‘shifts’ with them in the first lockdown. That was all put on me.
Over Christmas I was laid out on Christmas Day because of my fatigue. The dinner burnt because I was on the sofa flat out exhausted. I could not get up to sort it and with the best will in the world our kids are too small to understand or help much.
Back to today. DH will go through 3 international airports on his way back. He may be taking precautions but he’s in the US and I don’t believe he can be confident he’s safe if he’s been to shops. Which he has.
DH is furious about the idea of going to mums. Apparently I can’t plan his life and tell him what to do. I wasn’t. It was a suggestion trying to be practical with this upcoming situation. Apparently I do this all the time. From my POV he does very little family management and I’ve given up asking for help (him being away has had zero impact on the state of the house. It’s genuinely no different. The only practical change is I do every bedtime). If he feels like I organise stuff, then yes maybe I do. But that’s because he never has e.g. he flat out refuses to tidy up after the children, only his own things (and then not always).
DH feels the kids and I should go to my mums while he isolates in our family house.
The other factor today is that I also have to work. I’m self-employed. No sick pay. No guaranteed income. I have to hustle for every new project.
In anger I suggested he should isolate here with the children (so they have all their stuff) as if he won’t go I’ll have to go. At least I can earn that way.
But I know if I leave the kids he will just be a grumpy bastard to them the whole time. He also has to work so he will leave them in the house all day while he’s in the shed.
We both have to work. We can’t be in the same house while he isolates. The kids need to be considered. It’s a hard time for them too - their gran died, the oldest’s birthday before dad gets back, anniversary of other sibling’s death, lockdown and homeschooling with no spare laptops (Who has a bloody spare laptop?! But that’s another thread)
Who is being unreasonable? (And what should I do?)