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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’m not crazy?

34 replies

Indianafrankie · 08/01/2021 02:58

Am new to the town i live in (not U.K.) and heard on New Years Eve that my partner of 18 months has been sleeping with another woman, confronted him and of course he denies this. Claims they did have sex 7-8 years ago but now she wants something serious with him and so is passing this around (small town) to make people believe they are together. After I heard on NYE and listened to his story -I didn’t do it she is a liar etc, l said well ask her why she said this then. Finally tonight he does, turns up at her place of work, she gets in his car and they talk, where apparently she is sorry, doesn’t know why she said it but it will never happen again, this is all kinds of absolute rubbish isn’t it?

OP posts:
Sinful8 · 08/01/2021 03:04

You sent him to ask her at her work place?

On the plus side I hear Jeremy Kyle is freelancing these days

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2021 03:08

This is all kinds of crazy.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 08/01/2021 03:10

Yup. all kinds of rubbish.

Original poster
Indianafrankie · 08/01/2021 03:12

Thanks, no of course I didn’t, I asked him to ask her why she would say this then if it wasn’t true and he said it would be a better conversation had face to face and he turned up there (a bar) absolutely nothing to do with me but thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Indianafrankie · 08/01/2021 03:14

But thanks for mocking my life - really helps

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 08/01/2021 03:16

Why on earth would you ask Him to go ask her 🤔 He'll tell you a pack of lies...

You should have asked her yourself 🙄

Original poster
Indianafrankie · 08/01/2021 03:22

Guess I’m going to get battered for my experience then! I asked him because it’s a small town and he knows her...and he was so adamant he didn’t (never believed him) that I said flippantly well go an ask her why she would say that then

OP posts:
Original poster
Indianafrankie · 08/01/2021 03:24

I couldn’t ask her myself I don’t speak the language well enough - am learning but didn’t pick - my cheating partner in the topic of conversations available in the lessons 🙄

OP posts:
Hydrate · 08/01/2021 03:27

You are not being unreasonable thinking he's feeding you a bunch of bull. Logically there's absolutely no reason at all why person after 7 years after they quit dating, would suddenly want people to " think they are together " . I mean why would she want people to think that, is he famous or something? Sounds like a really lame lie that he made up and he's not very good at lying obviously. That is a ridiculous reason that he gave. As to whether he went to her work and spoke to her, no idea he may have, but he's probably having an affair with her or else he wouldn't be lying about it.

Sinful8 · 08/01/2021 03:28

@Indianafrankie

I couldn’t ask her myself I don’t speak the language well enough - am learning but didn’t pick - my cheating partner in the topic of conversations available in the lessons 🙄
OK then fine standard aibu response

You should trust you gut!

You clearly didn't trust him as you believed the rumour over him, so may as well end it, no future without trust.

Hope you didn't move there because of him as that's gonna suck

Sinful8 · 08/01/2021 03:30

@Hydrate

You are not being unreasonable thinking he's feeding you a bunch of bull. Logically there's absolutely no reason at all why person after 7 years after they quit dating, would suddenly want people to " think they are together " . I mean why would she want people to think that, is he famous or something? Sounds like a really lame lie that he made up and he's not very good at lying obviously. That is a ridiculous reason that he gave. As to whether he went to her work and spoke to her, no idea he may have, but he's probably having an affair with her or else he wouldn't be lying about it.
This is also fantastic advice, its a known fact ex's never do anything to fuck with thier ex's new relationship.

Anything your partners ex says is just 100% pure bankable truth

StopSquirtingBleachOnCaneToads · 08/01/2021 03:49

Were you there when they spoke at this bar? I know you said there's a language barrier but if you were there maybe you could at least pick up on body language and vibes?

Either way, I find his story quite hard to believe. Occam's Razor comes to mind... e.g the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. I think here the simplest explanation is that he cheated on you. I'm so sorry OP.

Original poster
Indianafrankie · 08/01/2021 03:53

I’m not disagreeing with you I’m almost certain he is lying! I’m a very grounded and reasonable (but embarrassed) person. No I didn’t move here because of him - thankfully, but right now i am more or less alone and was just seeking some support that I’m not mad in disbelieving him

OP posts:
Original poster
Indianafrankie · 08/01/2021 03:58

No unfortunately I wasn’t, and at the moment I am trusting my gut but he keeps looking me straight in the eye and telling me I should trust him - I used to! But now no, he kept telling me not to speak to her as she is bad news - yes yes I know!

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 08/01/2021 04:30

Once the trust goes that's it.Listen to your gut.

thosetalesofunexpected · 08/01/2021 04:52

Hi Op
Trust your gut inituition about your Partner
He is Crap Liar,so obvious this is bullshit
He is being trying to emotionally gas light,be manipultive towards you, so you question yourself why you are feeling that way you do etc.

He is trying to make a fool of you,
Insult your emotional intelligence
You really deserve better than this..
And he knows it to hence far fetched lies.!

Ditch him Op
You will be better off being a single woman, this.
He is really showing you his true colours,(his nature now he does not have to put so much of effort in to woo you,
(the honeymoon period of courting/relantship is well an truly over.!

Why on earth after 7yrs or 8yrs his ex would act/say something like that.!!!
Doesn't make any sense.!

See, Ditch him your Partner
As a stepping stone to something better in your life,future

See this Crap relantship/Partner of yours
As a learning curve to what red flags I should listen to,not accept at all in future relantships
So will have better relantships.

Walk/better still run, away from this relantship As soon as possible !

blackcat86 · 08/01/2021 05:13

Drama, drama, drama. Wanting to know why she said it, him going to her place of work, her getting in his car (I'm presuming you're not in the UK given covid measures). That in itself might be the stupidst thing I've ever heard - If someone is apparently spreading lies about you don't invite them to sit with you alone. Anyway, you sound like you think that this isn't really a lie and I can why because his story makes no sense. If you think he's cheating stop talking to him about it and do some digging.. he clearly won't be confessing if he is a cheat and his response to you asking him outright is some cock and bull story.

Original poster
Indianafrankie · 08/01/2021 11:01

Absolutely and it’s drama I definitely don’t need or am used to, that’s exactly why I mentioned the car - I thought that was ridiculous too, I know what he would say to that - I didn’t want the whole street hearing my business 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Indianafrankie · 08/01/2021 11:04

Didn’t make sense to me either - why after all those years, he claims it’s because she likes him and wanted people to think they were together - she doesn’t know about me

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 08/01/2021 18:47

He's cheating 🌺

Original poster
Indianafrankie · 08/01/2021 19:21

Yes unfortunately I believe he was, today finally I’ve told him that’s the end, I know it was the right thing but he is so adamant he did nothing and I should trust him

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 08/01/2021 21:37

he can sing that song for ever... it won't make it true... pack his bags.. or you leave ... but stop being made a fool 🌺

Original poster
Indianafrankie · 08/01/2021 21:59

Thanks you’re right, I’ve packed his stuff up and yes I have been a fool

OP posts:
Changemaname1 · 08/01/2021 22:02

You’ve done the right thing . He didn’t need to go see her he could have messaged her and shown you. ( google translate ... )

Sorry op Flowers

Original poster
Indianafrankie · 08/01/2021 23:52

I agree, I kept telling him this but he was insisting it was better face to face

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