Child terrified at bed time

[Frazzledmum55]

Dd is 8 and has recently become really really scared at bed time, goes to bed fine but within minutes is adamant she can hear noises, there’s someone in there ect. Screams out suddenly.
She’s always had a slight tendency to get a bit scared of the dark at night but not like this and not so consistently.
Bit of relevant information is we moved 6 months ago, so nee bedroom. But I’ve got a dimmer switch so the lights not off, and done everything to make the room cosy. She loves the room.
Has anyone ever experienced this and got any tips?

I know iabu but I find myself getting frustrated and telling her off and to be quiet as it’s really quite annoying when it’s every night.

Audiobook or CBeebies radio to listen to - might help her drift off and drown out any creaks or noises that are scaring her?

Is she too old for "monster repellent spray" (lavender pillow spray re labelled)? Or dream catcher above bed to catch bad dreams? Or you could incorporate checking under bed and in wardrobe as part of her bedtime routine!

I'd probably just sit in with her for a little while each night, tbh. My DD is almost 8 and likes to just have some quiet company while she relaxes before going to sleep. It's a big change, new bedroom, new house, new noises. There might be something making a noise like a heating pipe and if you can hear it you can explain what it is.

I don't want to alarm or even scare you but could there actually be a presence in her room. Reading between the lines this seems like a new thing that's coincided with a move to a new house.

Have you actually listened to see if you can hear anything? Could there be mice in the walls or a rat in the attic? Best to be sure before you dismiss her!

I’d second sitting with her for a bit.
See if it is the pipes or noises from next door or whatever.
A nightlight might be better than a dimmer. I always found dimmed lights a bit spooky when I was a kid.

One of mine did this at a similar age. He was also terrified of being upstairs on his own. It did eventually pass but it took a few years. Sorry...

We tried to be gentle, understanding, let him sleep in our room, gradually built his confidence back up. It eventually worked. He spends his life in his bedroom now.

Poor poppet 🥺 she very well may be able to hear something, pipes or creaking! I would sit with her x

My Niece (7) goes to sleep every night listening to a David Attenborough podcast of Blue Planet and won't go to sleep until her mum 'puts David on' but it works. She does to sleep, doesn't get out of bed and sleeps well. Can you try something like that?

Rather than a nightlight have you tried leaving the bedroom door ajar and the landing light on? I found this a great comfort as a child.

We had this (Amongst other worries) with our son. We ended up doing a cbt course to help. Basically we had to speak with him about exactly what it is he was worried about, what he suspected may happen, if there was any evidence that fears were true. Then we had to come up with a step by step plan (with him) with the end result stay in bed all night. Each step had a reward to it so if he stayed in bed with us checking him every half hour for one week he may get to bake a cake with us then gradually making it harder for him with a reward at the end of each week. It worked brilliantly and within about 5 weeks he stayed in bed with no checking from us. Really made the world of difference! Good luck x

I think the first thing I would do would be sleep in the room with her for a few days, so you can establish if there are in fact any noises and then find out what they are.

If she doesn't hear anything or become afraid while you are there, you can ask her what is different than when she is on her own and take it from there.

We're having the exact same issue with our 7 year old. Tried charts, being strict, getting cross, timed check ins etc but she's now too afraid to go upstairs on her own during the day. Now one of us is sitting upstairs, light on on the landing in the evening and we're just going to be gentle and wait for her to grow out of it. We also have started using the moshi app.

She said she saw something scary on YouTube and she has a very active imagination - I think there's a bit of anxiety flare up with this lock down too. Let me know if anything you try works!

Oh we are also doing a walk with the dog after dinner to try tire her out a little bit.

So go answer a few things
I’ve let her sleep in my bed occasionally which seems to help but she develops habits really quick and it’ll be so hard to get her back in her room after only a week of doing this.
She has a mid sleeper and I think she worries there’s something underneath but I can’t change the bed as desperately need the space.
We’re in a flat and I’m pretty sure the noises are the heating or occasionally the upstairs neighbour although they’re pretty quiet.
It’s like she’s worked herself up and it’s just become a bit of a thing that she can’t get out of.
We’ve been here months with no issues as this has only started recently.

Hi OP I sympathise with you. DS is 8 and has moved bedrooms and now has a midi sleeper. I think he can hear noise from next door (his bedroom is on the joining wall - it's the only room where you can hear next door due to house layout).

I was about to ask neighbour if he could see her dd's room so he cld see what causes the noise.

In the meantime he mentioned he'd prefer to sleep underneath so now he's on a mattress under his MIDI sleeper.

He went to sleep at 9 & arrived in my bed at 3 but it's a huge step in the right direction.

I think it's payback because he was in a night time routine at 2 wks old and slept through from 6wks. I did wonder if it was karma tbh 🤦‍♀️

@Bluefargo my daughter is similar, she mainly says she doesn't want to be on her own rather than being scared but I think it equates to the same thing.
She got given walkie talkies at christmas so now we use those in the day if she wants/needs to go upstairs and we don't want to go with her and she's getting better.
Could be worth trying?
I still have to sit with my dd while she goes to sleep and she ends up in with us 9 times out of 10. Moshi app helps so am generally not there for too long.

I was like this as a child. I thought there was someone hiding in the room waiting to hurt me. I'd be frozen in fear and began wetting the bed because I was too afraid to move. Still have a severe phobia of being alone at night. Have been frozen with fear while DH has been out, we have several systems set up for me to protect myself and call him back easily when I have a fright.

Telling her off will just make it worse and it wont go away on it's own. You need some proper professional advice about what will help, they should recomend cognitive behavioural therapy. You need to help her manage it, it has massively affected my life and I'm only just starting to combat it.

My son went through something very like that around that age. Fantastic sleeper then suddenly wouldn’t go to sleep unless I was in the room- terrified someone was coming in through the window. No idea why but lasted weeks then suddenly stopped again. I took my kindle and sat on the floor and read. It was a complete pain but it was just a phase. Was brilliant going to bed and sleeping both before and after. Just a phase. 🤷‍♂️

I was the same at that age. I remember being terrified about being sent upstairs alone.

Active imagination, big reader. I remember the BFG caused many nightmares.

I wasn’t allowed a night light - would have helped.

If it helps it only last about six months according to my mum.

It’s one of 3 things, real, imagined or some kind of presence. You can rule real in/ out if you put your phone or a recording device under her bed so that when she says she hears something you can listen to it later, not to trick or show her up but to get to bottom of it. Maybe mice in walls, heating- cooling pipes, boiler on/ off etc as that would be easy to explain and rule out. Other suggestions for imagination from PP good. We too set up stall in the corridor out of sight but reassuringly nearby until our DD was happier with her fears- suddenly developed at 6 and hadn’t moved rooms it took about a solid month then a couple of nights a week for another 6 weeks or so

Pigeons Or squirrels on the roof can be quite Distracting and scratchy or a bird nest in roof too

@SusieSusieSoo our DD slept through the night from 6 weeks too and I’m talking a good 9 or 10 hour stint! - it’s totally karma!

My niece has just went through the exact same, new flat with mum and new room. She LOVES her new room but like others have said I think it’s the new noises.

We got her nighttime spray ( similar to what pp suggested ) and put a dream catcher above her bed. She sprays the spray herself, under the bed, round the windows, the door, corners of the room etc and it seems to have worked a treat! It was bloom & blossom we got for her the BFG one you could maybe give this a go?

Random but does she have curtains with faces on? I used to have a night light but had these minnie mouse curtains and in the dark with a bit of light it would look like a scary evil smiling face that used to freak me out. Hope she settles soon. Maybe fall asleep to an audio book? The new sounds of the house are probably scary