Child terrified at bed time

[Frazzledmum55]

Dd is 8 and has recently become really really scared at bed time, goes to bed fine but within minutes is adamant she can hear noises, there’s someone in there ect. Screams out suddenly.
She’s always had a slight tendency to get a bit scared of the dark at night but not like this and not so consistently.
Bit of relevant information is we moved 6 months ago, so nee bedroom. But I’ve got a dimmer switch so the lights not off, and done everything to make the room cosy. She loves the room.
Has anyone ever experienced this and got any tips?

I know iabu but I find myself getting frustrated and telling her off and to be quiet as it’s really quite annoying when it’s every night.

My son had a rat in the wall once. I think it was a rat anyway you could hear it clawing I'd have been scared he thought it was cool 🙈

@Frazzledmum55

From personal experience when I was little I hated any sound I didn't know, so noises from outside or pipes freaked me out, however they only bothered me when my mum had gone to bed and switched everything off for the night. I was majorly comforted by the sound of the tv or my mum pottering around the house. It was as if knowing she was awake kept me safe.

I would suggest some sort of noise machine that is just on all the time, I grew out of it but I know people who even as adults have to have the tv on to fall asleep.

If you moved six months ago and this only started recently, then unless it's the heating or animals, it seems unlikely to be house-noises.

Sometimes people hear things when it's quiet, or when they're drifting off to sleep. Could it be real but in her head?

I had a poltergeist around that age. I still remember it all vividly, it was not my imagination. I was petrified, every night. I wasn't scared of the dark, would walk around lights off, still do. My toys/dolls would move and talk when I went to bed. Sounds crazy but that is what happened. It came to a head when one of my toys flew at me and I screamed the house down. My parents took me seriously then. Strangely it all settled down after that night. Looking at photos of myself at that age, I look tormented. Yeah I know that sounds crazy and extreme but things like that do happen.
So, absolutely take your DC seriously and do not get angry. An audio book to fall asleep to would help as it blocks out other noises and thought processes. My DS until the age of 7, would not sleep on his own. I got him a dog as a sleeping companion and it worked a charm. He felt safe, secure and comforted. He's now 12 and still needs him occasionally.

When I was younger I got hypnagogic hallucinations- they come as you are falling asleep. Some people get them at the waking end also. They can be very scary. It’s not unusual to see people leaning over you, insects or coloured strings. They are vivid and realistic, you can also touch them. For me getting them was stress/change related. If your DC is calling out about 15 minutes to half an hour after settling down, and insisting they can see or hear someone, it could be that. They are not harmful just hard to live with. Knowing what they were made a big difference for me.

Aldi often sell sunrise/sunset night lights which work on a timer. You could set it for an hour (or less) so there's light on as she goes to sleep but it slowly dims and turns itself off. They also come with sounds too like bird song, rain or waves. It might be a good option.

It could be the heating?

4yo ds complained about being scared of a noise from the radiator recently. I explained what it was and he's fine with it now.

@Kimber56t I've reported your desperately transparent advertising post (and all the other posts you've made today on any sleep related thread)

Oh and @Kimber56t i think you are supposed to delete the multiple choice options you been given before you post unless you frequently refer to your daughter as he/she...ffs!

Sometimes when I'm overtired, right as I'm falling asleep I "hear" what sounds like muffled conversation, beeps, loud bangs, a kind of fuzzy untuned radio sound etc. It's called hypnagogic hallucination and can be associated with narcolepsy or just happens by itself. Maybe it's this?

Could she have a torch and make a game of her fears by searching under the bed or wardrobe before bedtime?

Could she have a worry bag that she mentally places her worries (fears) in before bedtime and then you tie it up and take the bag out of the bedroom with you?

Could she listen to funny CDs or podcasts, or engaging music to distract her from her fears?

One of my children was scared of dying in the night (there had been a cot death in the family) and these things helped us.

DD is 8 and goes through phases of this. She has a nightlight that changes colour. She's allowed to come and get me whenever she's frightened because there is nothing as scary as a mum looking after her children therefore whatever she is scared of will be scared of me and as she's not scared of me she can sleep again. But it doesn't hurt if she wants to try to be brave first!

I would spend the evening in there with her and see if you can hear what she is hearing as a pp said, it could be the heating etc.

Failing that, I would go and do something noisy (counter-intuitive, I know) in the next room so she can hear I'm there.

We are having similar problems with DD9

Don’t underestimate COVID-19 anxieties. Now with homeschooling too, it’s change that as an adult it’s difficult to process so as a child, more so.

For us, this has been happening for around 4-5 weeks. We’ve tried multiple things, all having a marginal impact but we’re still not there:

• Talking about the fears (not at nighttime but during the day)
• Mindfulness app for children
• no fizzy caffeine drinks (she’d got into a habit of drinking coke over Christmas)
• no tv after 7 (bed at 8)
• shower and chill in room pre bed
• Nightlight (I still think it’s too bright and wakes her up as she’s normally so used to pitch black)
• new mattress (she’d complained about it and we at first didn’t take her seriously but actually it was awful 😳)
• explained away “normal” noises. Eg snow fell off the roof, people walking on the ice, heating and pipes etc

Many good suggestions here. Children do not live in a bubble they are picking up all that is going on in the world at the moment. Their routine has changed due to lockdown. Some of this could be reaction to fears about what is going on at the moment so talk to her about her worries.

Dd1 had sleeping problems due to anxiety at this age, which related to a previous long hospital admission I had and changing school. We read the book of worries and got her a worry eater monster doll, she wrote down her worries and the monster are them. We also did strict bedtime routine, calming music (audiobooks were too stimulating), and camomile tea before bed with honey. Dd2 also suffers now and has a cuddly hot water bottle that helps too. Ds has autism and the change of routine has upset him greatly, he is also waking at night so I have moved him in with his sister temporarily which is helping.

It is not an easy time at the moment, poor kids.

Could she be worrying about Covid and lockdowns etc, and it's coming out at nighttime?

That happened with my daughter during the first lockdown. She is a bit younger and struggled with explaining what was scaring her, but eventually we realised that was the problem.

It's such a difficult time for them just now.

When DD had similar fears, we did a "circle of love" thing, where I would trace an imaginary circle all the way round her as lay down to sleep, and say that it would keep her safe and happy all night. It seemed to work. My friend had a "special" nightlight for her little boy, that he loved and kept on all night.

Could she be having sleep paralysis? I think it usually starts in teen years so she might be a bit young but its possible? Its very scary when it happens and even more so when you dont know whats happening so you genuinely think its real even though its all in your mind. Might be worth checking into?

Thanks for all the suggestions. I do honestly think it’s just general noises, heating pipes, neighbours ect. Sometimes imagination.
Probably a bit of anxiety about everything going on too.
I’ve had her in my bed the last couple of nights but last night she woke up scared which is unusual. She doesn’t normally wake up even in her own room, and she’s never been scared in my bed before.
I’m hoping it’s a phase. I’m sure we had a similar phase years ago.
I’ve had a thought too, her older sister played a “prank” on her a couple of months ago, where she hid under her bed and started making noises and didn’t reveal it was her until she got really scared and started shouting for me. I think this may have triggered it. I’d forgotten about it but it makes sense.

My 8 year old also has also recently developed a fear of the dark. He was coming downstairs multiple times in the evening as he was so afraid. He had a nightlight.
We started leaving the main bedroom light on for him when he went to sleep. He stopped coming down.
Unconventional but it seems to work for him 🤷‍♀️
Looking to get him a lamp for his room shortly to see if we can wean him off the “big” light & then once he’s comfortable with that move him back to sleeping in the dark, knowing he can reach the light if he needs it.

Sounds like the prank could have triggered it. Siblings eh!

It may seem a bit harsh and you are the judge - you know best how she will respond and what is truly traumatic for her vs. a little niggle/ just wanting cuddles and attention.

However, I do have a feeling that if you simply stop indulging this, it will go away quicker. I would probably be sending her back to bed and telling her to stop being silly and go to sleep. Perhaps a quick check of the room to show her there's nothing there but honestly, just don't indulge it.

Obviously if she's crying her eyes out and truly traumatised that's different, but it sounds more like over active imagination and getting used to a new house.

If she sleeps in your bed then she isn't getting experience of sleeping in her room and learning through experience that it's fine and there's nothing there.

She might on some level be enjoying the attention and drama of it all and it has become part of the whole night time routine. You can break that by making it a non-thing. React in the same way each time - quick check of the room, then "there's nothing here, go to sleep", repeat. Don't let her sleep with you over this because it will only increase her fear of her own room.

DD has recently started having mindfulness sleep music on her Alexa at night. Something like that may work, or an audio book or quiet music

@wildraisins that’s pretty much how I’m dealing with it but I worry I’m being cruel. She’s only slept in my bed occasionally, it’s sometimes a weekend treat. She does settle down and go to sleep and stay asleep for the night. It’s just that initial bit after she’s gone to bed.
I have started putting the Alexa in her room with some music but it doesn’t seem to help. It is a bit like it’s becoming a habit.

Also struggling, little man aged 7 up most nights now for a couple of hours terrified that someone is going to kill us during the night. Worst night to date just now where he’s said he can hear creepy voices saying just that. We’ve tried everything, he has a couple of night lights, has moved to the little spare room as less shadows, we’ve been firm, gentle, angry, you name it but he cries and is so scared. A child waking petrified at 2 or 3am is not attention seeking.
He’s never been able to sleep by himself, we always have to ‘stand by the door’ until he drifts off, he also doesn’t like being on his own around the house, we need to go with him to the bathroom but he’s slept well until around Christmas time. Another child told him about some characters from a horror movie (this was the trigger we think) and he’s not slept properly since.
We slept in his room, had him in our bed a bit but have tried to break it this past week by continually taking him back to his own bed telling him it’s safe, we love him, everything is the same during the day as it is at night, made a happy things chart stick on the wall...
Tonight he went to sleep fine after a story and a meditation, took him about 10 mins for him to drift off then up at 3am, he went back down maybe 5.30am after we were up down up down, husband outside his door for an hour and I then got into bed with him.
I know he is scared about Covid, I’ve told him that vaccinations are happening so he doesn’t need to worry. But what else can I do? We work full time, we are exhausted. I don’t want to make a rod for our backs by having him in bed with us all the time but I don’t know how to carry on.
I’ve contacted the school and the gp now as I’m concerned it’s something more, perhaps I’m being over cautious and ‘making it into an issue’ which might make him worse? Sorry for stealing this post but I’m a bit of a wreck with this now, any suggestions will be welcome x

Glad I found this thread and it's recent. We are also having issues with our 8yr old DD - in fact we've always had issues with her sleep but I have a fair amount of sympathy as I always had issues! We both have very active imaginations.

I'm finding it's worse during lockdowns. Maybe this is because of the worries of the virus but I think it's more that she doesn't have the physical exhaustion of a day of school.

We have recently tried the sleep stories on the Calm app which worked wonders for a week. Now back to square 1.

Sometimes she has 45 mins complaining from her room and then we switch her into our room and she sleeps fine - we are downstairs and move her back to her room when we come up.

I will try more of the audio recs on here thanks. She has a nightlight, landing light on. She sobs that it isn't fair that my DH and I don't have to sleep on our own but she does.

I think it's just her unfortunately. Lockdown isn't helping. It's a constant case of trying new things. She's worried about the dark, burglars, monsters under the bed, now fire. She's just like me a complete over thinker.

Will be watching this thread for any more advice. I might try the walkie talkie idea later so we don't all go up and down the stairs 50 times