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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not withdrawing child from nursery.

42 replies

ZigZagCat · 06/01/2021 18:07

Hi

DS was adopted by DP and myself about five months ago. He is 3½ years old.

We have scored 30 hours nursery, which is great as it will help him with his social development and speech. Rejoice.

However, DP is reporting back that MiL is upset because she is vulnerable and is skittish about seeing DS if he has been mixing.

I think DP is edging towards MiL's PoV. I, however, suggested that DS goes in nursery Mon-Wed and, after nursery, gets a swab. Therefore DS can spend time with MiL Thurs-Sun.

I value the effect nursery is having on DS and back to FT work anyway, so the only horse I have in the race is some degree of happiness from all involved and DS gaining skills that he will sorely lack just playing with 'nanny and grandaddy'.

Obviously, I don't want MiL catching Covid-19 from DS as well Hmm

OP posts:
ibblebibbledibble · 06/01/2021 18:09

Why is he spending time with MIL?

Thehop · 06/01/2021 18:11

Can you afford for him to be tested weekly? It would cost a fortune.

I work in a private nursery and the procedures we have in place are as tight as they can be to stop covid at the door,

You MIL would still be at risk if he dropped Thursday and Friday so what’s the gain here?

Jenala · 06/01/2021 18:11

I think it needs to be either nursery or seeing MIL. You don't test positive straight away. He could catch it Tuesday, test negative Wednesday, and start showing symptoms/be asymptomatic by Sunday just in time to give it to MIL.

Your plan fundamentally misunderstands test timings.

Snozzlemaid · 06/01/2021 18:12

If you managed to get a test after nursery you wouldn't get results until the weekend anyway.
Plus he shouldn't be getting tested unless your he has symptoms.
You can't do that every week surely.

Thehop · 06/01/2021 18:12

I may be biased but nursery isn’t just childcare, it’s invaluable early years education and lays a building block for his entire future.

OverTheRainbow88 · 06/01/2021 18:13

In this situation I would prioritise nursery.

Bringonspring · 06/01/2021 18:14

Hey, but under the rules he shouldn’t be seeing his MIL unless she is proving childcare

TingTastic · 06/01/2021 18:15

Do you know how intrusive those tests are? Poor kid. Plus the timing / expense issues highlighted above

I assume you are in a support bubble with MIL. To be honest, I think this is one of those situations where you need to put DC well-being first and ask MIL to make a support bubble with someone else

PatchworkElmer · 06/01/2021 18:15

DS is still going to nursery, because it’s hugely beneficial for him. We are therefore no longer using my parents as childcare to eliminate the risk to them. Can you do the same? We’re having socially distanced walks (1 parent and 1 grandparent at a time) so that he still sees them but in the safest way possible.

MarcelineMissouri · 06/01/2021 18:18

I would be prioritising nursery here. Is MIL in your bubble?

Mogwaimug · 06/01/2021 18:18

I don't want to be "that" poster, but he's not supposed to be going to see MIL, is he ?None of you are.

Still send him in. My DC are still going to the CM because I need to work. But DP can go and see granny on his own.

RosesforMama · 06/01/2021 18:19

How are you going to swab him every week? Not with NHS tests I hope.
You'd be better doing week in/ week out and have mil see him once he's been out for 6 days, so fortnightly at the weekend before he returns to nursery.

SnackSizeRaisin · 06/01/2021 18:21

I think nursery is probably more important for him than seeing MIL, if he is settled in a routine. Plus it would be very disruptive to pull him out now and restart in 8 weeks or so. (plus you will probably have to give a months notice). I would suggest stopping contact until after mil has been vaccinated, which if over 70 should be in just over a month.
Subjecting a 3 year old to an unpleasant swab every week for the benefit of his grandmother seems unfair and it's not going to work with the timings you suggest.

If he hasn't yet started and mil is currently providing childcare I would keep things the same and start him in nursery after mil has been vaccinated.

Ratbagratty · 06/01/2021 18:21

So your mil's vunerabilty and "skittishness" trumps all the social, mental, physicalband other benefitsi can't even begin to think of, of being at a nursery surrounded by educated staff?

Stand up for your son no one else will. Nursery before mil.

DailyScribbles · 06/01/2021 18:24

Assume your mil is part of support or childcare bubble? Otherwise he should not be seeing her.

All adopted children have places at my kids' school, which is otherwise extremely strict about places. Apparently there's clear evidence (tho I'm not familiar with it, as it doesn't apply to my family) that lockdown impacted many adopted kids severely and that it's more crucial for them to remain in nursery/school. Maybe find and cite that to MIL?

0gfhty · 06/01/2021 18:24

I think you have to decide between nursery and grandmother. I can't possibly say which is more beneficial to him as I don't know her. I would normally say nursery is at that age but in this situation possibly bonding with family is more important.

TrashCanBird · 06/01/2021 18:26

Should you even be seeing MIL with this lockdown?

combatbarbie · 06/01/2021 18:28

Absolutely prioritise the nursery. Shouldn't be visiting other houses anyway or is she providing the childcare Thu/Fri....? . Even in that case I'd keep him in nursery and pay extra if needed.

And how would you swob him every week? Instant tests cost a bomb!!

DragonLegs · 06/01/2021 18:28

Yeah hat system won’t work as he could come into contact with someone Wednesday who’s infectious, and develop symptoms over the weekend

londonmummy1234 · 06/01/2021 18:31

Why is he seeing your MIL? Is she in a support bubble with just you?

Original poster
ZigZagCat · 06/01/2021 18:32

Hi

MiL is in support bubble as she lives alone, as TingTastic mentioned.

The swab tests are intrusive as I have them on a regular basis, due to the nature of my job. However, I am (allegedly) an adult, so understand. Test results for asymptonatic people are back within an hour and are free. I won't vouch for the accuracy as I am not qualified Sad

Point taken, nursery prioritised and nanny will see him from a distance.

I appreciate candid and speedy responses Grin

OP posts:
Doublefaced · 06/01/2021 18:34

Who is doing your free tests?

Sciurus83 · 06/01/2021 18:35

Does MIL provide childcare? Ordinarily my parents do but mixing nursery with vulnerable people right now is crazy. She is right to be skittish, my view is you have to choose one or the other.

Original poster
ZigZagCat · 06/01/2021 18:40

@Doublefaced

Who is doing your free tests?
Pilot scheme where I live. Takes less than an hour to get a response and puts your gag reflexes to the test. I tend to get them weekly Blush Grin
OP posts:
combatbarbie · 06/01/2021 18:43

But surely this pilot scheme is not available for children? That's just wrong on so many levels. Sorry not trying to derail....

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