AIBU to suspect the number one guideline in the Secret Society of Husbands is...

[anxietyaunt]

... that disappearing to the toilet for an extended period effectively gets you out of doing things around the house without the missus suspecting a thing?

Turn the WiFi off and wait for the moan of annoyance he'll switch to mobile data but might give you some amusement.

I’ve thought about it @Janaih, and I could even turn the data off on his phone without him having a clue how to turn it back on. However, he would just find a book or magazine or something to take with him. He’s very resourceful when he wants to be.

YANBU. Absolutely. DS has started to copy DH and they both spend a minimum of half an hour in the toilet each.

DH often does it when DS is misbehaving

Yep. There was a thread on here a while back called something like ‘husbands who poo to avoid duties’.

@anxietyaunt ha do it! You could also change his Facebook settings to "me only" so he'll think nobody likes him.

You need to get in there before him. Start watching what time he roughly goes- then you go in 5 minutes before. If you have two bathrooms it won’t be as effective but you can always do the “look after DC while I’m nipping to the loo” then just don’t come back out for an hour.

Guideline #2 - If you leave the toilet too early and find there’s still stuff to do don’t stress yourself. Head outside with your phone and water the garden for an inordinate amount of time. The misses can’t complain about that.

There is a member of my household who can watch me prepare dinner, who can ask me when it will be ready, who will have been given a countdown to when it will be on the table, and yet still need to only go to the toilet for 15 minutes when dinner makes contact with the table. This person is not DH - it is DD My dad's genes run strong in that one.

Tell him he must need more fibre in his diet and put him on salads for a bit. You’re worried about his health

Yes whereas us women get to have a wee with the door open with at least 1 child sat on our knee and a dog watching us 😂😂

Well, my husband got the memo! So I think it must be

His favourite time of day is when I'm dishing up tea, with a dog running around terrified of the oven and a toddler trying to climb everything...

@sarahc336

Yes whereas us women get to have a wee with the door open with at least 1 child sat on our knee and a dog watching us 😂😂

My life in a nutshell!!! hahaha

He’s just gone for another poo 🤦🏻‍♀️

Poo - watering - poo

Guideline #3 - Claim “there must be something wrong with me” if you come back from watering and there is STILL stuff to do and head back to the loo. That way you get time out AND sympathy. Two birds, SSH comrades!

@anxietyaunt

He’s just gone for another poo 🤦🏻‍♀️

Poo - watering - poo

Guideline #3 - Claim “there must be something wrong with me” if you come back from watering and there is STILL stuff to do and head back to the loo. That way you get time out AND sympathy. Two birds, SSH comrades!

You have a master husband on your hands!

You should see him in action when he has man flu, @YouBoughtMeAWall. It’s truly inspired.

Yes. And what about when you ask him to do a specific task (for example “get the washing out the tumble dryer” or “load the dishwasher”) and he informs you of a “very vital email/phone call” that he’s expecting/just this second got.
They all do it

Yep exh did this. My kids have warnings given to them about meals being served and going to the loo in advance. I can give a full 15 minute warning and still be screaming up the stairs for dd1. Ffs.

Think I just happened upon an example of the classic SSH guideline #4 - Do it wrong.

“If it looks like the missus might be onto you and ask you to do stuff, never fear. Just do it wrong. This might take a few goes but play dumb as much as you need and she’ll give up asking eventually.”

she’ll give up asking eventually.”

First rule: never be the first to blink.

Sorted that for you.

He may well be the Grand Poobah of the Secret Society of Husbands, @YouBoughtMeAWall

Members of this society are required to leave their damp work shirts in the washing machine to fester because watching Wheeler Dealers is far more important.

Can I just be the first bloke on this thread to point out that most of you would be moaning about blatant sexism if the OP had been a man posting a question about "why women blah blah sterotypically bullshit sexist question"? E.G. "Why is it most women wait till they have packed their shopping at the supermarket checkout before thinking to look for their credit card instead of getting out while standing in the queue for 10 minutes like most men do? I mean it's hardly a surprise that they are going to have to pay for the stuff."

Discuss.

Can I just be the first bloke on this thread to point out that most of you would be moaning about blatant sexism if the OP had been a man posting a question about "why women blah blah sterotypically bullshit sexist question"?

Looks like you can. HTH.

I had an ex that could and did fall asleep on the loo.
One day I was with his current girlfriend and she was telling how he suffered with being so ill, in there hours at a time, so I told her , he never locks the door and he is asleep in there.
The next week she was asked and said she had checked, yes, he was asleep on the loo.

Misandry.