AIBU to suspect the number one guideline in the Secret Society of Husbands is...

[anxietyaunt]

... that disappearing to the toilet for an extended period effectively gets you out of doing things around the house without the missus suspecting a thing?

I can't gripe about DHs toilet habits, he does have IBS so can often be in there a while (won't see a doctor about it though). What he does do, and I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this, is he will massively overdo things to the point where it's annoying, like the opposite of strategic incompetence. So if I ask him to wash up the one pot in the sink because I need it for dinner, he'll wash up everything he can get his hands on and stack it precariously high on the drainer, with the pot I need at the very bottom. It's infuriating, because technically he's done what I asked, so I can't get mad at him, but he's also made things harder for me.

I am now totally lost. Seriously confused.

Are you saying it's ok for women to belittle men if she "wants to laugh about something WITHOUT hurting a specific man's feelings."

Which would mean, sexist 'jokes' that lads tell each other (on whatever forums lads hang out on) are acceptable because they don't hurt a specific woman's feelings.

Both appear to me to be broadbrush sexism which does nothing but perpetuate the kind of divide that makes the fears FoxyTheFox points out so real.

One way (not the only way) to stop that sort of fear is to stop making 'All women are...' and 'All men are...' statements (even in jest, even in private) just as one way to stop widespread racism is to stop saying, "All black people are...", "All Muslims are...", "All white people are...".

TheSandman

Erm.

Just to be clear.

Did you just suggest that one way to stop women fearing being raped and killed is for them to stop saying, "All men are"?

Can you link those together for me, please?

Because thus far in life, my fear of being raped or killed by a man is based on my knowledge of the fact that men carry out the vast majority of serious sexual and violent crime, because as a woman I would have far less chance of physically defending myself from a man and because although I am well aware that 'NAMALT', my special powers for determining in advance which are and which are not have never kicked in.

Oh dear!

You missed my point.

You saw it when Foxy explained what was behind my earlier post. But now have gone back to thinking that we exist on a level playing field.

How about you go to any of those other forums and tell the men there to stop telling nasty jokes, to stop hurting, raping and killing women. Go further and tell them that family life, parenting, is not a woman's job.

When the playing field is more level maybe women will feel more able to speak freely, walks freely and even make jokes without wondering about male disapproval! Maybe we won't tell each other silly stories about male avoidance tactics... Because there won't be any!

Well it makes a change from hiding in the fridge and the 'late business meeting' is not an option at present!

We used to call this disappearing to loo just as chores came up “industrial cystitis”

Mumsnet is a nightmare sometimes. Just when I'm into my stride of being irritated at DH, a thread like this comes along to remind me that he's not that much of a shit really.

@FoxyTheFox you're brilliant, you are.

How do we level the playing field? Wouldn't it be easier if both sides were doing it?

@TheSandman do you challenge sexism you see/hear coming from fellow men as robustly as you've challenged the imagined sexism here?

Yes it would. What are you doing from your 'side'?

Chastising women?

Or challenging men to change their behaviours?

Nail well and truly hit on the head there Samphire

Only if you are willing to accept the lazy sterotypes others have, for example that all wives love to nag, that different colours and races have certain faults that are true for all of them etc etc

Oh look another thread derailed because “what about the menz? Wah wah wah!”

So all we have to do is stop making light hearted jokes about men and 2 women a week won’t be murdered by current or past partners any more
Wow

Never mind housework, I knew someone who would - at the same time every day - disappear into the toilet with a newspaper at his PAID WORK.

@FoxyTheFox

I think the point @TheSandman (apologies if I am wrong) is making is the complaint about mens forums is that they are alot of the time a sexist and hypocritcal. The subjects and justifications may be different, but the same sexist and hypocritcal comments are still made on this forum but just coming from a different angle.
I find it a shame and I hope I would challenge it if I was on any forum

Oh imagine even having a wee in peace! It took years for me to have a wee in peace as DS got older. Now one of the cats joins me. Part of why I likes going into the office was for a wee in peace!

Every male I've ever known always tells you when they are going to the toilet as if it's so important. I was not and still am not interested.

I can acknowledge that as a sensible observation.

But...would really like to see men challenge those other men as readily as he is challenging women.

And if he feels he cannot to try to unwrap the reasons why.

Why is it most women wait till they have packed their shopping at the supermarket checkout before thinking to look for their credit card instead of getting out while standing in the queue for 10 minutes like most men do?

Because most women have a huge trolley-load of a week's shopping and about 12 bags to pack at high speed, making sure that the things they are buying for their elderly relative/neighbour are in separate bags, while also wrangling a bored, whining toddler and arguing the toss with a pre-teen. And you can't really do all that if you are holding your credit card in one hand, can you?

Most men have only 8 cans of lager, some razor blades and a packet of Doritos to worry about.

I don't think anyone would dispute the assumption that there was an element of comedy in the OP? Comedy plays a very important role in challenging accepted norms, upsetting the status quo when society isn't quite behaving as it should. 'Punching up' is an important principle in comedy - i.e. only aiming your comedy at elements of society who are in a position of strength above you, not weakness below you.
Obviously it would be lovely if all comedy avoided pointing fun at anyone at all - but that would depend on society being or becoming a generally level playing field, where no person or group felt disadvantaged and therefore felt no need to strike out.

I'm the one. I'll get dinner ready and then the dinner goblin will start bouncing up and down on my bladder and I have to dash for it! I always tell them to start without me, though.

It wouldn't be quite so very bad if they didn't also leave an empty loo roll swinging in the breeze.

@TheSandman

Can I just be the first bloke on this thread to point out that most of you would be moaning about blatant sexism if the OP had been a man posting a question about "why women blah blah sterotypically bullshit sexist question"? E.G. "Why is it most women wait till they have packed their shopping at the supermarket checkout before thinking to look for their credit card instead of getting out while standing in the queue for 10 minutes like most men do? I mean it's hardly a surprise that they are going to have to pay for the stuff."

Discuss.

Are you messaging us from the loo?