To ask husband not to have op right now?

[orangesky1]

My husband is scheduling an elective operation for ankle surgery in the coming weeks. He has an injury over 10 years ago and has decided he wants it fixed and has been offered surgery.

We have a 10 month old and I work full time. I am stressed as looking at chat topics about the op recovery online it seems minimum 3-4 weeks recovery on sofa time before walking / driving (of course many months until fully recovered).

This means I will need to do all nursery runs, all bathtime, bedtime, wake ups, all weekend child care, all nappies. Plus looking after house, doing all meals, laundry, bins etc and caring for husband. Plus my full time job of course!

He is being optimistic about his recovery and thinks it will only be a couple of weeks, but I operate at pretty exhausted level generally, I'm just not sure how I will cope. I will get no time to myself! Of course I know there are single parents who manage this and more. But would I be unreasonable to ask him to put op off until baby can walk / is a bit more independent?

His ankle does not cause him day to day trouble, but stops him participating in some sports.

We are not in UK so not the same Covid concerns re hospital.

I feel for you OP. I'd feel the same concerns

Definitely get him at the dining table to chop up vegetables / make lunch etc. You can grab everything out the fridge, chopping board, knifes etc and leave him to it. It’s not a great situation but there are definitely some work arounds to make it slightly better for yourself.

Also when babies aren’t sleeping it’s awful! It makes everything seem worse and I’m way more emotional. I hope they start to settle a bit better for you soon

YABU Babies are easy. Walking toddlers are savages. Will be much harden then.

Harder

There are quite a few options for mobility after ankle surgery that put no weight on the ankle, a kneeling type scooter, a type of kneeling crutch and more

I know this from experience when I broke my foot and ankle and needed pins with recovery to to put any weight at all on the ankle. So your DH can have his surgery AND he can help out too

Clearly first few days may be painful and with pain meds should stay put but thereafter he can use one if these aids.

If he’s been waiting a long time for this surgery, then he should have it. You say it’s not painful and doesn’t cause him any issues, but I don’t think he’d be having surgery if that were the case very sorry to say this but you just may not be aware of how his ankle injury feels to him that he’s willing to undergo such a surgery.

@MissMarpleDarling

This.
And then threenagers are another level up again. And that's as far as I've got.

In terms of mobility (and general effort IMO, although I know some will disagree:

Non mobile baby: houseplant that requires frequent watering.

Mobile baby/early walker: tortoise.

Toddler +: a kitten on drugs.

And they still don't sleep!

The sooner the better for this surgery. Before your tortoise turns into a kitten.

This is the best time to do the op - any time you delay will be much harder on you unless you’re willing to wait until your child is 3.5/4 years old (they get a bit more reasonable and independent at that point).