Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sending DD to nursery now?

51 replies

OrangeWheel · 05/01/2021 10:12

I'm really not sure what's best, so and hoping to just get some opinions.

I am currently on maternity leave with a newborn so do not have to send my DD2.2 to nursery as I am home. Given the current rates of Covid, is it terrible to keep sending her when we don't need to?

The reasons to keep her going are:
*She enjoys I and has friends there, it's really her only chance to be with other children at the moment.
*I'm worried about being able to occupy her (and me coping) in the depths of winter, with a young baby to also take care of and everything being in lockdown. E.g. Not even being able to take her to a friend's for the odd play date when the weather is bad, etc.

  • She will need to go to nursery when I go back to work later this year. Part of me would like to keep things constant for her - I.e. not take her out and then have to resettle her. It would also cause us huge problems if the nursery went out of business everyone has pulled their children out.

She currently goes 2 full days per week.

YABU - for goodness sake don't send her there's a pandemic going on.
YANBU - on balance I would still send her in the circumstances.

OP posts:
MaryShelley1818 · 05/01/2021 10:16

I'm on Maternity Leave (haven't given birth yet) and have withdrew my just turned 3yr old from nursery. Hopefully he'll return in February and at this age a few extra weeks off will be very quickly be forgotten. He's attended twice a week from being 11mths and was off 6mths last year but resettled again quickly.
I just don't see any logic in taking unnecessary risks atm when it's hopefully just a very short term solution.

YouBringLightInToADarkPlace · 05/01/2021 10:21

I'm in exactly the same position OP- I took DS(3) this morning and spoke to the staff there. They had other children in the same position. I decided to take him mainly because it's important to me that he's socialised and stimulated as much as possible- he loves nursery and he's missed so much in his little life that a bit of normality is good for him.
Boris in his infinite wisdom deemed it "safe" so I am taking advantage of that. Selfish, maybe, but who knows what's happening next.
That said, I am in a county with low infection rates- we were Tier 1 recently.

Rosebel · 05/01/2021 10:25

My little boy is starting nursery in 2 weeks time and I'm absolutely terrified. He was born towards the end of lockdown last summer and I really hoped things would be better by now.
If I wasn't going back to work I'd be keeping him off altogether I appreciate it's a slightly different situation.
What are the infection rates in your area? If they're low I might risk it but if not I'd wait and see what happens in February.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 05/01/2021 10:27

If you don't NEED to send her then you shouldn't. There are plenty of children who won't be able to socialise and it shouldn't be used as an excuse. The less children in school/nursery the better

Miriam101 · 05/01/2021 10:30

I’m in same position and took our daughter (3.5) in. She needs the stimulation, structure and socialisation. But we don’t fave anyone vulnerable in the household and won’t be seeing anyone else so it was an easy decision.

Bigredriding · 05/01/2021 10:31

I technically don’t need to send my eldest to nursery but I am. I’m on maternity leave and youngest is 2mo. Our nursery have had no Covid outbreaks since July (when my daughter started there) and she absolutely loves it. I see no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed that she’s still going.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 05/01/2021 10:34

I would send her. I think with a newborn, keeping a consistent routine is important. They are open for everyone so you are not breaking or bending any rules. I would have gone mad at home with a newborn and toddler without being able to meet people or do very much.

Jizzle · 05/01/2021 10:34

Absolutely send your child in. The nurseries are open and have been deemed safe by BoJo in his infinite wisdom, so you would be mad to take them out whilst also needing to look after a newborn.

We are keeping our DD3 in nursery here in Kent, she really enjoys the time she spends their and taking her out even for a couple of weeks just does not seem worth it to us.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 05/01/2021 10:35

I also dont think there is much evidence it spreads in nurseries, they tend to have much smaller bubbles than schools as well

NoNameIdeas · 05/01/2021 10:35

Same position here and still undecided! Dc1 is 4 so will be going to school this September, loves nursery and gets so much from it. Dc2 is 3 weeks and I'm recovering from an emergency c-section...it's tough to know what to do for the best!

Cheeselets · 05/01/2021 10:36

I only voted YABU because in your situation I would do my best to keep my eldest at home at least for a few weeks.

Case rates are scarily high right now in many areas. With that in mind, if you can keep your child home from school or nursery, even just for a couple of weeks, then it would be advisable to do that until case rates are lower. This could be done without damaging her routine too much - say if she stayed home for just a few weeks and went back when case numbers are less high? In case it helps, I am a doctor at a hospital (ICU) in a hard hit area, and I have seen that in general, the lockdowns in Spring 2020 and Nov 2020 (as well as a move to tough restrictions e.g. A higher tier) cause a decrease in the number of covid patients after roughly 3 weeks. Obviously that's only anecdotal evidence from myself, but I thought it would help to paint a picture of how quickly things can improve if everyone is trying their best.

By voting YABU, I didn't actually mean that it would be unreasonable to send your kid in, I just voted that way as that's what I would do personally. In reality I think you should do whatever works for your family.

If your mental health/wellbeing and your child's wellbeing would suffer even slightly by keeping them home, send them to nursery and please don't feel guilty about it.

You need to do what is best for your family and only you can decide what that is.

delishdelosh · 05/01/2021 10:42

I was in the exact same situation in the summer - a newborn and deciding whether to send DS1 back when nursery reopened. I decided to and I am so glad I did. It did wonders for my mental health, which in turn helped my bond with DS2, my relationship with DS1 and generally resulted in a happier household much more able to cope with everything else. I have sent him in again today with DS2 now 9 months and am happy with my decision - it is right for everyone in our household. If it is right for you, then do it. They are open for a reason.

Hardbackwriter · 05/01/2021 10:44

Similar position and still undecided too. I'm heavily pregnant and start mat leave in two weeks. DS (2.5) will go to nursery until then as we're both working, but I'm really unsure about what to do after that, when we don't need him to go. I'm not sure if I think it's right or fair to staff to send him if we don't have to, but I'm also worried about the effect on him of taking him out and then resettling him later, especially if this is all around the time of the arrival of the new baby. I'm also worried about how well I'll cope with a newborn and a toddler if there is absolutely nowhere for the toddler to go for some stimulation and a change of scene, but again I wonder if that's very selfish of me. The final consideration is grandparents - we're only seeing them outside at the moment, we started paying for an extra day of nursery rather than continuing to send him there one day a week, but obviously nursery won't have him when I give birth, so I don't see a way round my parents doing that, and the risk to them would obviously be lower if DS hadn't been in nursery.

Missingyoupapum · 05/01/2021 10:46

I have a three year old and a nine week old. I’m sending my older son tomorrow when it reopens for his usual 2.5 days per week (school hours). I’ve also paid for it which I know is supposed to be “unimportant” when it comes to COVID but let’s face it, who wants to pay £1500 for a service they don’t use? My son also LOVES it there.

I hate that there seems to be an undercurrent of feeling that mothers/parents are selfish for still using childcare at the moment. Maybe I’ll live to regret my decision but being pragmatic about it I feel that the risk is low. I also feel like the government should shut them if it’s so unsafe but they don’t want to bail nurseries out so they are making it so the parents are losing out.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 05/01/2021 10:49

Also I understand teachers don't want to go in at the moment. But they still get paid. I would be interested to know what nursery staff think, if they would rather stay open and get paid or keep safe but go on furlough and risk closure

Potterpotty · 05/01/2021 11:11

I have kept mine off, I am working from home with a 2 and 3 year old. I feel for the staff as it’s not a situation you can isolate in as children tend to gravitate towards them. Also the staff have children that will need to go to school so it’s unfair on them also.

NoKnit · 05/01/2021 11:36

Keep her off, or at least for a couple of weeks. At 2 years old a month or so off won't make a jot of difference.

Do you really want to risk an outbreak amongst staff at nursery meaning she has to self isolate and not leave the house for 2 weeks or however long the rules are? Not worth the risk at the moment. Its only the start, keep her off and review situation in a few weeks

NoKnit · 05/01/2021 11:40

Also be grateful you have a newborn and not a crawling/cruising/walking baby and a toddler. It could be worse

Missingyoupapum · 05/01/2021 11:54

@noknit that sort of holier than thou attitude helps no one. Just because you consider your situation tougher than someone else’s and you don’t consider a newborn hardwork for whatever reason, doesn’t mean everyone feels that way.
There is so much judgement and it’s just hideous for everyone, I think most people are just trying to do the best they can in a tough situation.

RainRainGoAway12 · 05/01/2021 11:58

I was in the same situation as you during the first lockdown. My older child went back as soon as she was able to, even though I didn’t return to work for another few months. And it was sunny then and we could spend the day outside! I’d do exactly the same again. Absolutely no judgement from me.

Bluespace · 05/01/2021 12:03

I’m a nursery manager. Please do not send her in. The staff with thank you endlessly.

My partner is currently on unpaid time off to ensure my daughter doesn’t have to come to nursery with me.

WhyHelloJiiilll · 05/01/2021 12:09

I wouldn't send her in if you do not have to.

CupOfTeaAlonePlease · 05/01/2021 12:14

I wouldn't be exposing my family to the increased risk if I were you.

ShinyGreenElephant · 05/01/2021 12:26

Similar situation, also heavily pregnant, and I'm sending my DD in. My DD3 is due in Feb so I dont feel I can pull DD2 out of nursery now then put her back in then just as the babys born as she would feel pushed out, she needs consistency. She only started in December and has just settled in. Weve all had covid in November though so I'm feeling more relaxed about it at the moment, if the situation is still this bad in a couple of months I may change my mind. I dont think anyone should be judging either way, there are no right answers at the moment

Missingyoupapum · 05/01/2021 12:37

@Bluespace I totally see where you are coming from but do you think it’s fair that parents should be paying for a service they don’t receive? Surely if staff don’t feel like they can come in managers should be closing nurseries and not accepting fees? I just think the guilting language as if you are a monster to consider sending your child to a nursery you are paying for isn’t helpful. The government should be taking responsibility not turning parents into the bad guys