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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to stop cycling?

63 replies

Rens16 · 04/01/2021 18:11

To ask DH to stop cycling for a few months while we TTC?

We are both 31 and have been TTC since our 1st child since April, none of us has any children with anyone else. Im currently on cycle 11 with absolutely no sign of a BFP. My cycles are very regular albeit on the shorter side but definetly not concerning.

DH back story- his MIL passed away Dec 2019, he was grieving and starting to spiral, I was worried he was going to go into depression when 1st lockdown came in March. In May he decided to take up cycling as a hobby and within a month you could tell a huge difference in him, his mood improved and was starting to be like his normal self again. He has really committed to this hobby and cycles easily 40/50 miles a week... his health mentally and physically are both on top form now. This is amazing and all I could want for him, it has been a really good way for him to cope with his grief.
Over the last few months he has really ramped up the fitness he's competing for top times on strava and setting himself loads of targets so he's now cycling more than ever.

After reading many articles I am now starting to get concerned that this hobby of his could be the reason as to why we haven't conceived yet? I really don't want to have to ask him to stop doing something he loves so much.

I would just like to know if anyone else has managed to conceive with a husband who cycles A LOT. And just for some general advice opinions.

Thanks xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Rens16 · 04/01/2021 18:12

Meant to say my MIL not his x

OP posts:
TrashCanBird · 04/01/2021 18:14

40/50 miles a week is not enough to affect it op. It's not much at all.

Winterwoollies · 04/01/2021 18:14

No. There’s a million reasons why cycling-obsessed men should be stopped, but affecting your chances of conceiving is probably not one of them.

lastqueenofscotland · 04/01/2021 18:15

50 miles a week is really not much at all in cycling terms. I doubt it’s having that much of an impact at all

Winterwoollies · 04/01/2021 18:15

Also his mileage isn’t that high.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 04/01/2021 18:16

40/50 miles per ride or per week? Per week would make no difference at all, it's like cycling to work and back!

pinfloy · 04/01/2021 18:16

I wouldn't consider 40/50 miles a week a lot in cycling terms, certainly not enough to cause issues, providing his bike is a good fit.

SendMeHome · 04/01/2021 18:16

Are you tracking OPKs?

If he’s using a decent seat, it will reduce pressure on the veins down there. I was told this was no longer a concern in those circumstances... DH cycles, as do I, so I’ve asked a bit as I remember it used to be considered a factor.

If he’s not using a decent seat, I’d encourage him to get one - that’s no big deal, he’ll probably be more comfortable too, as he’s probably getting some numbness otherwise!

If he is, I think I’d tempted to leave it be until you know that’s a factor. From my understanding, it’s unlikely to be, and I’d be worried about taking away something that’s helping him cope... I’ve taken up Zwift and honestly I’m not sure I’d be coping without it.

But talk to him. Maybe he’d be happy to give it up, maybe he’ll investigate it with you.

Best of luck TTC

TrashCanBird · 04/01/2021 18:17

I live in a town where most people cycle everywhere because traffic and parking are so bad, 15 mile commute a day average, so 75 miles a week or so. 40/60 really isn't much.

JorisBonson · 04/01/2021 18:17

As the wife of a cyclist, I can echo what other people are saying that he's not doing a lot of mileage.

DH can easily do 70 miles a day. It's his favourite thing to do, he gets excited about it and always comes back in a great mood. I couldn't ever ask him to stop.

PietariKontio · 04/01/2021 18:17

Yes, well I was that husband who cycled a lot and was able to conceive...

agoraclinic.co.uk/fertility-myths-cycling/

He still may have a low sperm count and/or poor motility, and it wouldn't hurt to check regardless, but stopping cycling may not help anyway.

Test > evidence > talk to a doctor!

WinstonWolf · 04/01/2021 18:17

Not unless a doctor gives you this advice specifically

Batshittery · 04/01/2021 18:17

That's not a high mileage for a cyclist. Yes you would be unreasonable to ask him to give it up.

TheDuckSaysMoo · 04/01/2021 18:19

40/50 miles a week is about 30 mins per day. I doubt this would be affecting him. Google some male cyclists and see if they have kids. Lance Armstrong and Chris hoy both have at least one.

helloxhristmas · 04/01/2021 18:20

You would be unreasonable yes.

Original poster
Rens16 · 04/01/2021 18:20

Thanks for your input guys. Really appreciate it. X

OP posts:
TheHamsterCatcher · 04/01/2021 18:22

I used to cycle a LOT, and most of the guys in the group had children.

Bradley Wiggins, Chris Froome, Mark Cavendish, Chris Hoy all have children and I guarantee they all cycled considerably more than your husband.

If there is a problem, I don't think this is it... I understand the worry though, and the need to find a reason.

modgepodge · 04/01/2021 18:23

My husband cycles more than that and we conceived without him stopping. I wouldn’t want to ask my husband to give up something clearly so beneficial to his mental health anyway - you do not want to have a baby with someone who is depressed as everything will be so much harder x

modgepodge · 04/01/2021 18:24

Hmm that sounds horrible now I read it back, like I’m saying depressed people shouldn’t have kids. That’s not what I mean. I just mean, bringing a baby in to the world is hard, a husband who is happy is a very valuable asset!

custardbear · 04/01/2021 18:24

No, try other things, him keeping fit is a giod thjng.
Think about eating and alcohol / smoking and quitting if you do smoke /drink
Consider if you need to lose or put on any weight as they can really help, even a little bit if you're underweight or a bit over weight
Have you been to the GP?
Tried some of the lubricant-There's another thread where loads of people have said they got pregnant very quickly using it
Try agnus castus

Godimabitch · 04/01/2021 18:25

I wouldn't consider this first port of call.

Are you tracking ovulation. I used pee sticks and temp which was awesome for us.

The femometer app was perfect, it tells you when you should have sex.

Also things like your cm, there are foods that improve that. Both of you can be taking vitamins. He wants to be wearing loose pants, not having super hot baths. Less coffee and alcohol.
Good luck

Original poster
Rens16 · 04/01/2021 18:26

@sendmehome yes I've been tracking using opks since June last year.

He wears those special padded shorts for cycling as his seat is very bony.

Yes I dont think I could take this away from him i feel like it has changed him as a person in such a positive way. He always seems to be in a good mood I'd just don't want to burst that bubble!

Thanks x

OP posts:
NavyBerry · 04/01/2021 18:27

I wouldn't discourage him. If anything it keeps him fit

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 04/01/2021 18:35

A friend of mine had a child last year - he cycles about 30 miles a day to/from work, and 'long' cycle rides at the weekend.
(or did, I think the child has put paid to the weekend cycling, and furlough to the commutes)

(last year - 2019 🤣)

notalwaysalondoner · 04/01/2021 18:35

My DH looked into this when we took a while to conceive and I recall there is only an impact on fertility when you are at professional levels of cycling (3+ hours per day every day) and even then the impact is small. I’d much rather keep trying than risk my DH falling into depression, especially considering Covid making life harder. Having had depression a few years ago I’d do anything to avoid it again. I’m guessing you haven’t had it? Also a moderate amount of exercise is likely to increase fertility, not decrease it.

Could you afford a fertility check? We had one at a private hospital for about £600 and it our minds at rest that nothing specific was wrong. We’ve actually since conceived 3 times, although had 2 miscarriages. The biggest thing for me that helped was switching to clearblue OPKs then DTD every day there was a flashy smiley or smiley face. I also took coenzyme q10, vitamin d and e as well as normal conception multivitamins, but the OPKs made the real difference vs using an app or the cheap sticks.

Realistically there is no chance of your DH’s cycling being the issue and so why take away something healthy that he enjoys? I know TTC is frustrating as it’s so out of your control and so it’s tempting to control what you can, but this won’t help.