Masks

[WestLondon333]

Hi,

This is my first post so please be kind. I know this is a "delicate" subject but I thought this might be a good platform to ask people to please think twice before being angry when they are out.

I just want to say that not everyone that doesn't wear a mask is a "selfish bastard", some people have very serious health issues.

Let me give you my example... DH has terminal cancer which unsurprisingly come with shortness of breath as well as a hundred other things. We are trying to live as normal a life as possible for our children but are seeing increased anger towards DH who can only wear a mask for short periods of time as he cannot breathe properly.

I don't know if anyone else is seeing a general decline in kindness from people but I am seeing it more and more and even if this post makes just one person stop and think before saying something unkind to someone who may really be in trouble with their physical or mental health (or both!) then I'll be a happier woman.

@StonedRoses

If you are genuinely unable to wear a mask for health/breathing reasons then you need to seriously consider if it’s safe to be out and about. Because these are the groups very vulnerable if they catch covid.

I’ve no doubt some people can’t wear a mask. But a far greater number simply don’t want to or find it uncomfortable. In the hospital we barely see a single person not wearing a mask when attending clinic or whatever. And this clearly includes a lot of people with health issues.
Working in theatres prior to covid I had not seen a single case of someone unable to wear a mask. Staff, students, visitors, reps etc. Now this is a self selecting group - but not a single case

I've wondered about this and the arrangements for exempt health care staff. I know someone who moves from ward to ward in their job and they are yet to see a member of staff (large hospital ) without one, and says many patients wear them when staff are treating them, though that is voluntary.
I work in a smaller environment, and have friends in similar places and none of us know of anyone that is in that type of job and not wearing a mask due to health reasons. Are they just not working? Due to the risks to them and others because of the environment? Some of the clients I work with are exempt due to breathing or other health issues, so I know obviously that exemptions are valid and real, but I too just simply don't believe the amount of people who aren't wearing a mask are actually exempt. I travel on public transport and people get on the bus wearing it and then remove or put under their chin when they sit down, or remove to have a phone conversation.
I also suspect that some people are just looking for an argument and want people to challenge them on not wearing a mask where it's mandatory. Not least the bloke in the shop a few weeks ago who wasn't wearing a mask, wasn't challenged but then decided to have a go at the poor assistant who stood aside to let him past "Don't fucking look at me, you, I'm fucking exempt and you can fuck off" or words to similar effect, the shop assistant literally glanced up and moved over. Not the first time I've seen some one be aggressive like that when no one's said anything either, no need for that as much as there's no need for people abusing non mask wearers.
I do think a simple and straight "I'm exempt" to "Could you wear a mask" is better all round than getting offended at even being asked.

It never bothers me when people don't wear a mask and I would never question it as I know there could be health issues or various reasons.

What annoys me is when I see someone sat on the bus with their mask dangling around their chin whilst they talk on the phone - so I know they CAN wear one (as they have one) but they are just choosing not to.

Still I am far too British to actually say anything to anyone, so it's a non-issue really!

@StonedRoses

If you are genuinely unable to wear a mask for health/breathing reasons then you need to seriously consider if it’s safe to be out and about. Because these are the groups very vulnerable if they catch covid.

I’ve no doubt some people can’t wear a mask. But a far greater number simply don’t want to or find it uncomfortable. In the hospital we barely see a single person not wearing a mask when attending clinic or whatever. And this clearly includes a lot of people with health issues.
Working in theatres prior to covid I had not seen a single case of someone unable to wear a mask. Staff, students, visitors, reps etc. Now this is a self selecting group - but not a single case

There’s nothing in my exemption that makes me more vulnerable than anyone else if I catch Covid.

If the individuals doesn't want to wear the lanyard then that is entirely up to them. But they can't complain about getting looks. It all feels a bit bloody minded to me and lacking goodwill.

@LetItGoHome

If the individuals doesn't want to wear the lanyard then that is entirely up to them. But they can't complain about getting looks. It all feels a bit bloody minded to me and lacking goodwill.

I don’t owe anyone goodwill because I’m disabled.

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. Sorry to hear about those who have been shouted at too.

We aren't prancing around Tesco (if only he were well enough), it's just the odd time that after a scan/appointment/blood test etc, we pop very quickly into M&S or Co-op to get him something to eat before round 2 at the hospital. His consultant told him a visor isn't even worth wearing and not to bother. He does wear a mask for as long as he can but has occasionally had to take it off. It's on a few of these occasions that the problem has occurred. Before you ask, he comes into the shop with me to choose something he thinks he'll be able to keep down as this changes depending on the drugs he's taking and where he is in his treatment cycle etc.

I do understand some people are taking the and saying they are exempt when they aren't. Maybe I'll have a look at getting a lanyard but he'd probably lose it!

I think the problem is not everyone without a mask is exempt, there’s just no way. I see people in the supermarket without them all of the time or some with it around their chin. I don’t think all are exempt. I have been on a bus once since March and I saw 3 people without a mask out of 6 on the bus. I just don’t think 3/6 people were medically exempt. Also have seen parents at my DC’s school wearing them to walk past the head teacher then pulling them down when he’s out of sight .

People who are medically exempt should wear a badge or lanyard so it’s clear why they aren’t wearing one. I think people who just can’t be arsed wearing them or don’t want to are the ones to blame here.

I didn't say you owe anyone goodwill because your disabled. You owe it as your a human and we are all trying to do our bit. Its a simple act can help identify those breaking the rules. It would be a pretty miserable world if everyone had that attitude.

I have no obligation to wear something that marks me out as disabled.

If there was such obligation put upon me by law, I would.

There isn’t. So I don’t.

@Brinksmanship and you’re of course entirely within your right to do so. But covid doesn’t discriminate and you’re putting others at risk, so unfortunately stares and comments are going to be something that happens because they think you’re at it.

@Brinksmanship

I have no obligation to wear something that marks me out as disabled.

If there was such obligation put upon me by law, I would.

There isn’t. So I don’t.

There is also no obligation on you to care at all about the risk to the health of anyone else.

Just as there is no obligation on anyone else to care at all about you.

I wouldn't ask anyone but rather avoid them. Too many people doing it for the sake of 'their rights'.

If anyone comments they will be told I am exempt.

@Brinksmanship if you don’t care about their health why would they care about your exemption?

[quote KatieGGGG]@Brinksmanship if you don’t care about their health why would they care about your exemption?[/quote]
I never said they would?

I socially distance and sanitise my hands.

There is a risk to going out. If you i out you’re taking a risk.

I assume that you have a reason if you don’t wear a mask. I don’t judge. But I do judge those that don’t wear them correctly! I.e over mouth but not nose.

It's difficult. I think when someone not wearing a mask is with someone else who is it's pretty clear there's likely to be a reason why they aren't wearing one and people should engage their brain before saying anything. But when you see whole families or groups not wearing them, the chances are they just don't want to and I have heard these people say they are exempt when it feels really unlikely.

Brinksmanship I completely agree with everything you’ve said. I hate the fact that those people exempt are being made to feel they have to wear a lanyard to stop others going having a go at them. It is a form of branding. Covid has really brought out the worst in people.

@WestLondon333 I'm so very sorry to hear about your DH x. Life is bloody unfair.

Whilst the consultant may be correct, face shields don't do much good, they're bloody cheap & will stop a lot of the stares/comments. Has he tried a variety of masks? Some are much more tolerable than others so he may find one that he can keep on longer. For his own sake as much as for others.

Again, I'm SO sorry re his cancer & that he's dealing with all of this on top of it. Take care of yourself too xx

I’m so sorry your husband has experienced this awful hostility. The unkindness of some people during this pandemic has been startling.

@LetItGoHome

I didn't say you owe anyone goodwill because your disabled. You owe it as your a human and we are all trying to do our bit. Its a simple act can help identify those breaking the rules. It would be a pretty miserable world if everyone had that attitude.

Demanding exempt people wear a lanyard isn’t going to identify the “rule breakers.” Anyone can order a sunflower/hidden disabilities lanyard off the internet and wear it. It’s no more secure than printing off the U.K. government exemption card.

@PlanDeRaccordement I think the idea is the type of people who don’t realise this also won’t realise people can both be exempt and not want to wear a lanyard. It’s a shitty solution but the only solution we seem to have given we don’t have proper exemption certs like other countries.

@KatieGGGG
We are somewhat in agreement as I think that as a solution, it is no solution at all which is slightly worse than a shitty solution. As in a meaningless hurdle that an exempt disabled person is supposed to do just to please a certain segment of intolerant and ableist people.

I’m exempt from wearing a mask and wear a lanyard to say this. I haven’t once been challenged about this. My DH says he’s seen a few people do a quick look and when they notice the lanyard they stop looking. I’ve never felt uncomfortable. I’m really hot on social distancing and will step back if someone is too close to me or ask people to move if they are blocking an aisle in the shop or whatever. Everyone always says ‘oh sorry’ snd moves out of the way.
I’ve been very lucky so far.

There’s nothing in my exemption that makes me more vulnerable than anyone else if I catch Covid.

That may be true. And as i said before there is no answer. But there are some "i don't have to mark myself out as disabled" comments and they could be answered with "yep, we know. It would be unacceptable to require someone to do so"

But again we come back to: mask wearing is to protect others. So it is naturally going to attract at least a glance if you don't. And if we assume that something that causes you to be mask exempt is related to some kind of disability or chronic illness or something, then non-wearing already marks you out.

Agree that anyone can pick up a sunflower lanyard which has rendered them meaningless.

Again - there are no answers. But some of the answers should be: what are we doing as a community/society to reduce the risk to everyone as a whole? And that is: social distancing, tanking the economy, not meeting our families and wearing masks.