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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt?

61 replies

MrsWarleggan · 03/01/2021 17:09

So as not to drip feed. FIL is ill. Very ill, and got rushed to hospital this morning.

It's my birthday tomorrow. Due to everything going on I wasn't expecting a song and dance. Just a card from the kids would have been lovely. DH had rushed down to his parents this morning and whilst he was out we had a delivery addressed to him. "Ooh exciting" I thought and put it to one side.

DH got home and whilst I was making dinner he said. "Just to let you know there will be no cards or presents tomorrow as no one could deliver until the 6th" I looked at him in mock jest and said "Oh, well a package came today, its on the side" and he replied "Ahh, they are my headphones I ordered at the beginning of the week!" I went to say something and he got in first with "I've never seen dad look so bad as to what he did this morning", so I couldn't then follow up with anything.

I feel really hurt. I know there are bigger things going on at the moment, but even my MIL who is FILs full time carer managed to get me a card and popped it through the letter box.

AIBU??

OP posts:
SilverOtter · 03/01/2021 18:57

But you don't know he's not got you a card or present - it's not your birthday until tomorrow!

I'm crossing my fingers that he's just sneakier than yours giving him credit for. And happy birthday for tomorrowThanks

Chamomileteaplease · 03/01/2021 18:58

It does seem like your husband is using his dad's illness to cover his shit behaviour. Which is pretty disgusting really.

Happy birthday for tomorrow Flowers

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 19:05

@Chamomileteaplease

It does seem like your husband is using his dad's illness to cover his shit behaviour. Which is pretty disgusting really.

Happy birthday for tomorrow Flowers

In what way?
BrumBoo · 03/01/2021 19:13

If your FIL wasn't ill, you'd be quite right to bring him up on treating himself whilst forgetting your birthday AFTER YOUR BIRTHDAY PASSED. This isn't the time.

Yes, that's a good point I didnt add. If circumstances were different, and he forgot or made a half arsed effort for the day, you'd have very valid reasons for complaint. This instance, regardless of what happens, I'd let it slide.

DarlingCoffee · 03/01/2021 19:19

happy birthday OP make sure you do something nice for yourself tomorrow Flowers

HappyChristmasTreeRex · 03/01/2021 19:22

I agree with the majority, also I'd be taking ownership of the headphones.

Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 03/01/2021 19:28

@DarlingCoffee

Thankyou 😊 and to everyone else for the birthday wishes. Unfortunately I'm Tier 4 so can do a total of sod all, so it's going to be cups of tea, tearing the two kids off each other and the ordering of a nice new pair of slippers from M&S.....might go for a walk at some point! 😂

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 03/01/2021 19:32

Best wishes for your birthday. I'm a January birthday too.

I've lived through both of my parents being seriously ill for a long time and then they passed away. Stuff is a bit mad in your head while going through it but both of them would have been horrified if I'd missed a birthday of someone close.

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 19:35

OPmaybe he could get next day on the headphones but not on Moonpig or something. But yes seems odd he didn't manage t even grab a card in Tesco.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/01/2021 19:44

Does everyone here get their cards and stuff a day before? I feel left out now😂

HollowTalk · 03/01/2021 19:47

Oh I'd get online and buy myself something nice and remember this when it's his birthday.

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 19:47

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Does everyone here get their cards and stuff a day before? I feel left out now😂
No, but DH said there won't be a delivery til6th.
MrsMyreton · 03/01/2021 19:52

OP - it's my birthday tomorrow too, and DH says my present will also not be delivered due to the recent holiday. Hmm He also hasn't organised anything from the kids and I had to buy myself a birthday card in the Sainsbury's delivery (for kids to sign)... you have my full sympathy! Thanks

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/01/2021 19:54

No, but DH said there won't be a delivery til6th.

Well yeah, but it's still possible he gets something tomorrow? The prematured "twat" calling is quite uncalled for here, yet.

Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 03/01/2021 20:29

@mrsmyreton

Many Happy Returns to you!!! Flowers

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 20:32

@SchrodingersImmigrant

No, but DH said there won't be a delivery til6th.

Well yeah, but it's still possible he gets something tomorrow? The prematured "twat" calling is quite uncalled for here, yet.

But that's not what he said.

I admire your optimism Grin

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/01/2021 20:40

Hope dies last lol

HOkieCOkie · 04/01/2021 05:49

My friends fad died a week before her birthday, her mum and sisters managed to buy her presents and cards etc and he managed to buy himself headphones so you are not being unreasonable.

Shoxfordian · 04/01/2021 06:20

Not unreasonable at all. Why didn’t he get you a Christmas present? What was his excuse for that? It doesn’t take much forethought to know when your wife’s birthday is and order presents in advance

HikeForward · 04/01/2021 06:24

Sorry, but his father is possibly dying so I think your birthday goes out the window this year or gets postponed.

YANBU to feel upset though. I was irrationally upset when my DH forgot my birthday (mostly because he muddled the date with his ex-wife’s). I was a bit childish and refused to eat the cake he bought last minute!

I’m sorry, it’s awful when in-laws are ill, but I’d put your birthday on the back burner for now.

HikeForward · 04/01/2021 06:25

Also could he have ordered some stuff and they’re delayed? I’m still waiting on 5 packages I ordered before Xmas!

honeylulu · 04/01/2021 06:29

I would have shot back "it's ok, I'll have those headphones. I need new ones and it's my birthday not yours lol".

I'm sorry about your FIL. It sounds like your husband is making the most of that get out of jail free card though, sadly.

MrsMyreton · 04/01/2021 08:55

Happy birthday @MrsWarleggan Thanks

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/01/2021 09:16

@HikeForward

Also could he have ordered some stuff and they’re delayed? I’m still waiting on 5 packages I ordered before Xmas!
I was just talking to my DH because I have package coming today and I.asked when his shoes are coming. He said he hope this month. Apparently lots of his mates have issues with packages. It looks like there are backlogs not just with Royal Mail. He ordered them before I ordered my stuff. I know I am the dumb optimist, but in this case, realistically, he may actually not be in a wrong. He would if he didn't just quickly grab something tiny somewhere just for the sake of the day. But these bastards of ours are oddly rational around these things and would just move birthday completely in this case, aren't they
Lifeisabeach09 · 04/01/2021 09:34

Managed to order his headphones in time...

Oh, well a package came today, its on the side" and he replied "Ahh, they are my headphones I ordered at the beginning of the week!" I went to say something and he got in first with "I've never seen dad look so bad as to what he did this morning", so I couldn't then follow up with anything.

Pretty quick subject change...

Is he manipulating, generally? If you decide not to put up with his lack of thought where you are concerned, when can you bring it up?! After all, he has a get-out-of-jail free card with his DF being ill, hasn't he? If you bring up his shit behaviour, you'll be the bad guy as it is his time of woe.

He sounds like a typical selfish fucker!