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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby Shower

80 replies

Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 16:34

I am invited to a close friends baby shower and I really do not want to go. I just really detest them. I think they are so cringey. Not my cup of tea at all. AMBU to not want to go? Should I just be going out of ‘duty’ to my friend?

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 03/01/2021 18:33

NO I would not attend a baby shower at all, or those silly gender reveal things.

WhoLettheCatOut · 03/01/2021 18:35

I hate them too, I've only been to very close (think sister) ones otherwise I make an excuse and avoid!

GrossePois · 03/01/2021 18:39

I always try to avoid. So far I’ve never been to one. Had to tell my friends to not throw me one. The whole set up just strikes me as unpleasant, but each to their own.

happymummy12345 · 03/01/2021 18:52

I hate them and think they are grabby. Why have a party that says buy a present for my baby?
So no I wouldn't go to one on principal

TeaSpillage · 03/01/2021 18:55

There's no need to be so sneery. Go, don't go. Who really cares? Why are you slagging her off on here? Just say no, but I'm guessing that would ruin all the fun you were expecting to have, bitching and feeling superior to her on here.

You don't seem to like her very much. She'd probably be a lot better off inviting people who are you know, her actual friends. Hint; that isn't you.

Original poster
Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 19:07

@TeaSpillage
Wow your post comes off as so aggressive! Has one of your friends hurt you in the past?
Again - I haven’t ‘slagged her off’.
This is a forum where I have asked for people opinions on whether I should go or not. There really is no need to call me out as though I am a terrible person.

OP posts:
TeaSpillage · 03/01/2021 19:17

Well your post comes off as incredibly bitchy. I'm glad I'm not your "close friend". So nasty.

And what does "has one of your friends hurt you in the past?", mean? Is that meant to be a burn? Oh look at this loser, her friends must have hurt her ha haha. No wonder your post is so horrible if this is your response.

Bye you absolute charmer Hmm. I won't waste my time talking to someone like you.

Streamside · 03/01/2021 19:20

I've attended one where it was just a lovely high tea and get together, presents were discouraged and anyone who wanted to donate to the local food bank was encouraged to give baby essentials with a ceiling of £5.00.

Original poster
Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 19:23

It just seemed that you were speaking from experience!
I don’t know how mr not liking something that my friend does makes me a nasty person?
Weird that you have felt the need to be so horrible to me.

OP posts:
XelaM · 03/01/2021 19:24

OP - You don't sound like a close friend when your opening post says you don't like her!

Anyway, just make an excuse bear the time and don't go if you don't want to. No big deal.

I am always surprised at people who aren't superstitious when it comes to baby-showers. In my culture, we buy nothing for the baby until it's born. It's considered bad luck. Anything could happen.

XelaM · 03/01/2021 19:24

Near the time

Original poster
Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 19:25

@Streamside
That sounds lovely and a lovely gesture for the food bank.
Unfortunately, this will not be that kind of shower.

OP posts:
XelaM · 03/01/2021 19:25

Sorry, I actually misread the opening post thinking you meant you detested the close friend Grin oops

BeautyAndTheBump1 · 03/01/2021 19:27

Depends how close the friend is and if you want to support her regardless whether its your taste or not. It will be 2 hours max.

Maray1967 · 03/01/2021 19:29

I’d second the ‘coming up with an excuse’ suggestion. She might be upset if you appear to criticise it and it might damage your friendship - you don’t have to let her know your views. These weren’t around in my day but I wouldn’t have had one myself if they had have been. If you’ve had fertility problems and miscarriages you are usually sensitive to what something like this could do to a friend, relative or colleague who you might invite who has been through bad experiences. You could say the same about engagement parties I suppose - hard for someone whose relationship has just ended - but I’ve just remembered I didn’t have one of those either!

RosaBaby2 · 03/01/2021 19:30

If its a close friend I'd definitely go. Same applies to Christening etc even though I am not religious.

Also, the ones I've been to you give oresent then and not again after baby is born, just a card will do.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 03/01/2021 19:31

Honestly it’s really refreshing to be able to just say ‘it’s not my thing, but thank you’ Christ my weekends are way to precious to spend gathered round speculating on the sex of a baby and watching the expectant mum unwrap Peter rabbit baby grows while we all coo and fuss and hope there’s more than one glass of fizz each.

I like weddings, hen dos that are low key and not big grabby weekend away trips, and the like but I just cannot with baby showers.

MaelyssQ · 03/01/2021 19:33

Grit your teeth and go. Some mums-to-be like these events, others avoid them like the plague. I would have been too superstitious to have any kind of celebration of my baby before they were safely born and in my arms - but baby showers weren't a thing when I was pregnant. Get a little gift for the baby and when the baby's born, get something for the mum.

Crunchymum · 03/01/2021 19:34

Just say "look forward to it, keep me posted" and hope that it doesn't go ahead.

If it does go ahead make an excuse on the day.... day you have a new, continuous cough and a temperature Grin

I'd make sure I was unavailable for the gender reveal (if she decides to do it separately).... its beyond selfish to expect people to attend both.

Original poster
Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 19:38

@SmidgenofaPigeon
Exactly how I feel!

OP posts:
jakeyboy1 · 03/01/2021 19:39

Would you go to another of her parties? If so you should go. Be a friend. And even if it's OTT so what after a shit year of doing nothing.
I had a fairly tame baby shower just a get together to see friends, no expectation of gifts.
I had a few people say to me they didn't want to come and baby showers weren't their thing. Fair enough. However they have all gone on to have their own!

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 03/01/2021 19:40

I’m not big on them, but last year attended a couple. I am uncomfortable with buying baby gifts before the baby has safely landed, so gave a small present for the mother - both off my friends knew how I felt on the presents issue. I then bought the baby gift after the birth.

I wouldn’t have necessarily chosen to go to them (my dc reminded me that in the past I might have suggested I’d prefer a little gentle torture), but I actually quite like my friends Smile and it mattered to them. In the end I had a couple of nice afternoons. If Covid allows, I’d try to make the effort.

Lightwindows · 03/01/2021 19:41

I don't think it will happen. If 20 week scan in 8 weeks covid won't be gone by then so she won't be having a gender reveal party. It will take until the summer / autumn to vaccinate everyone so I think her baby will have been born before she gets to have this shower. Just don't say anything and if it does go ahead decide at the time. You might be desperate to socialise by then, and it might not be that bad ..

Original poster
Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 19:47

Yes of course, I’ve been to her birthday party and engagement party.
If it goes ahead then I will make the effort. Grit my teeth and bare it basically!

OP posts:
Normandy144 · 03/01/2021 19:58

In North America where baby showers are popular there is an etiquette to these things and number 1 on the list is never host your own. So I'm afraid she's acting in poor taste here. Also a lot of people in the UK wrongly assume that it means a gift at the shower and after the child is born. One gift is completely sufficient and if you prefer to give it after baby arrives then that's fine. To be honest I would just be very non committal but I'd be sending her a link to baby shower etiquette and circling rule number 1.