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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby Shower

80 replies

Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 16:34

I am invited to a close friends baby shower and I really do not want to go. I just really detest them. I think they are so cringey. Not my cup of tea at all. AMBU to not want to go? Should I just be going out of ‘duty’ to my friend?

OP posts:
Northernmummy80 · 03/01/2021 17:06

@Paisley2018 sorry just seen your reply glam babyshower I would avoid too 😂🤣

ClaireP20 · 03/01/2021 17:06

Baby showers - yes they are really cringeworthy, I agree OP. But you can't say no. Just accept then say you felt ill. It won't happen anyway, the lockdown will go on forever...

Original poster
Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 17:06

@Northernmummy80
Oh, see I don’t see them as similar at all - but we are all different and see things differently.

OP posts:
Original poster
Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 17:08

@Northernmummy80
It made me cringe just writing it. Glam baby shower. Bleugh.

OP posts:
Northernmummy80 · 03/01/2021 17:08

@Paisley2018 I guess what I meant is it might be as important to her as a birthday party (prob not a wedding I would hope)

Original poster
Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 17:11

Yes it is very important to her - she has put a lot of thought into what she wants her shower to be like.
I can see why - it’s been a crap year for everyone and she wants something to look forward to.

OP posts:
williowrosenburg · 03/01/2021 17:11

You don't have to say anything right now though do you, as no date has been set.
Worry about it when she texts you with a date and time.... say yes, then day before "oh got a cough sorry best not"
But it's highly unlikely any baby showers will be happening within the next few months! So I really wouldn't worry about it!

londongirl12 · 03/01/2021 17:13

I would worry about it now. If she's got 8 weeks until the gender reveal, then that won't be a party, Covid wouldn't have gone away by then. And I doubt in the next few months whether we'll be allowed a big gathering of people. Just ignore it for now and see what happens

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/01/2021 17:15

You don’t seem to like this “friend” very much. Do you think if she knew you were slagging her off on here she’d still be inviting you?

Of course you don’t have to go but you haven’t been invited to anything specific yet so I wouldn’t waste time angsting over it.

I didn’t have a baby shower but I’ve organised several for close friends and been to many and they’re usually fun, relaxed affairs giving a bunch of friends a chance to catch up, drink tea and eat cake. Depends on the people involved, as with everything.

If I were you I’d tell her you think she’s tacky and the idea is grabby and I’m sure she’ll save you the effort of declining by making sure you’re not invited.

partyatthepalace · 03/01/2021 17:16

Oh God, a baby shower combined with a gender reveal is my idea of hell.

I am in the UK, and honestly most if not all of my friendship group would consider holding a baby shower a naff thing to do, but I guess it depends where you are.

If it's lowkey and she's a close friend I'd go, if it's going to grim and expensive or she isn't close I would make an excuse, and send a present if you want to.

I am not a kill joy BTW - love C'mas, birthdays, weddings, christenings etc - but baby showers I just think are grabby and awful.

Original poster
Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 17:20

@AnneLovesGilbert
No need to be so nasty. I have not ‘slagged her off’. I just don’t like baby showers. Jeez.

OP posts:
SnackSizeRaisin · 03/01/2021 17:24

If a close friend that I liked I would go. Otherwise I would make an excuse. Same as hen dos.
Baby showers can be quite fun, if low key, no need for excessive gifts just take a pack of baby wipes or something.
I don't have any grabby close friends so if it was a close friend I would be ok on that front.

Nodancingshoes · 03/01/2021 17:30

At least if she is organising it herself, you won't be expected to 'chip in' to pay for the bloody thing like I have been a few times...plus a present.

murbblurb · 03/01/2021 17:48

it works in America (in normal times) because they don't give presents when the baby arrives. In the UK we do so it just looks like a grab fest.

If she's already that far along then zoom or nothing. The 'gender reveal' can be done by removing the baby's nappy as it will be here long before restrictions lift.

JustLikeStitch · 03/01/2021 17:55

You have plans for the day she is having it. Made up plans if that’s what it takes. I’ve no idea why anyone would want one, assume it’s the same kind of parents that live on Instagram etc

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/01/2021 17:57

Yes you have. Would you say any of what you’ve said on here to her face?

Arizonaa · 03/01/2021 17:58

I hate them too, I think they're naff as fuck, but for very close good friends I've gone along with a gift and slapped a smile on my face.

I wouldn't do it for a non close friend or an acquaintance but the couple of friends I've gone to showers for a very important to me.

OverTheRainbow88 · 03/01/2021 18:00

Wait until there’s an official date and then decline saying you have plans that day.

Original poster
Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 18:02

@AnneLovesGilbert explain where I have slagged her off? I have said nothing personal about her? Except that she likes different things from me.
Why bother coming on to reply if you don’t have anything useful to say.

OP posts:
Rainb0wDrops · 03/01/2021 18:08

I've been to a couple - one had games which I found really cringy. The other was just afternoon tea and was a lovely get together.
Since then I've declined several and just been honest that they're not my thing. Always been received ok by friends and I give a gift when baby is born.

Rainb0wDrops · 03/01/2021 18:09

In your situation I'd not say anything until there's a date as it may well not happen. No point falling out until it's actually organised.

Mousehole10 · 03/01/2021 18:10

Depends how good a friend she is. If you're really close you should go anyway. Just buy a baby shower gift then a nice card and something very small when baby arrives.

Original poster
Paisley2018 · 03/01/2021 18:13

I’m hoping that it won’t go ahead. When she talks about it just now (by talk I mean messages) I don’t really give much input so she probably knows that I’m not really that interested.
If it does then as she is a close friend I will probably just go.

OP posts:
lidoshuffle · 03/01/2021 18:26

If you want to be a bit less frank than saying it's not your thing, say that you are superstitious and don't want to celebrate before the baby arrives.

ivfbeenbusy · 03/01/2021 18:32

I've been to one and honestly it was a nice get together, gossip, food, drink etc - especially in this climate it would be nice just to get out and see people - they are fine as like as you don't play any silly games.

Get her a gift for the baby shower but not when the baby is born - that's the rule I have