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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about not being asked..

31 replies

keepsmiling2021 · 03/01/2021 12:19

DP's parents live abroad. I found out yesterday on a Facebook post that he's booked for him, our DD (3) and his cousin and her son to go and stay with them in June. He mentioned it a while ago but didn't say he was booking. DP's father is going through chemo at the moment.
AIBU to think not only is it stupid of them to book it with the current situation of the world and also to not even have it mentioned to me that he booked to take DD away for a week?
I wouldn't want to go as I hate flying and I can't stand a week cooped up with his parents.
But surely I'm not out of order to think it's a silly time to book flights and to have at least had the date mentioned to me before he booked it??

OP posts:
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 03/01/2021 12:32

Very weird. He should ask you if he is taking your child away? Has be done that before? Where exactly is he travelling to?

twinkletoes1988 · 03/01/2021 12:35

@UnshakenNeedsStirring

Very weird. He should ask you if he is taking your child away? Has be done that before? Where exactly is he travelling to?
Cyprus. He said he knew I wouldn't want to go and when it was mentioned I didn't say much so he thought it was ok. He says I have no say as it's his child too so he would take her whether I liked it or not - and the only choice I have is to come with them or stay at home.
7yo7yo · 03/01/2021 12:46

I would not be happy about this.
Yes he’s got every right to take his child FOLLOWING discussion.
Are you sure he’ll
Come back?

Sosigsandwich · 03/01/2021 12:52

Wtf?! Absolutely not acceptable and saying he's taking her with or without your consent. He sounds vile, is he usually such a bully?

Winterwoollies · 03/01/2021 12:54

Is he always such a twat?

twinkletoes1988 · 03/01/2021 13:01

@Sosigsandwich

Wtf?! Absolutely not acceptable and saying he's taking her with or without your consent. He sounds vile, is he usually such a bully?
Yes, he's horrible to be honest. My life is a living hell. DD was calling me a cow yesterday (she's 4) and he didn't hearing that from me so no prizes where she heard it. If I had money and somewhere to go I would leave. His parents are not much better, hence why I refuse to go over to stay with them.

Would IBU to turn round and say he isn't taking her? I feel like my hands are tied.
The conversation briefly went "I'm thinking of taking DD with my cousin to stay with my parents in june" I said "we'll see what the situation is closer to the time"

I log onto Facebook to see his cousin whooping about the fact it's booked and she can't wait. It's not her fault she's actually quite pleasant and didn't know I hadn't been told. But I don't understand how he can't see why I'm upset about it.

I had to sleep on the sofa last night and he went up to the attic in a rage and chucked my suitcase at me after this conversation happened.

SwedishK · 03/01/2021 13:01

If he has mentioned that he wants to take your daughter with him to see her grandparents in June and you have said OK I don't see why he also has to ask if he can book tickets. Doesn't that just go without saying?

By June things might look a bit brighter compared to how it is now and if it isn't he will just have to cancel. Having something like that to look forward to will be great for your daughters grandparents and I am sure your DP is missing them too, especially if his dad is unwell.

I wouldn't want my DH to stop me taking my kids to see their grandparents just because he's not a fan of flying. I usually just book tickets and tell him later. He doesn't suspect me of trying to kidnap his kids because of it.

twinkletoes1988 · 03/01/2021 13:01

And she didn't hear that from me that's meant to say - not he didn't hearing that from me that's not English!

SwedishK · 03/01/2021 13:04

@twinkletoes1988 just saw your update. He is an arse but unless he is abusive to your DD I don't think you should stop him from taking her to see her grandparents.

Diverseduvet · 03/01/2021 13:05

Your using two user names? In one your daughter is 3, the other 4.

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/01/2021 13:06

So he did tell you that he wanted to take DD to see her grandparents, and he knows you hate his parents and would have refused to go anyway but you’re still upset not to be invited?

You definitely have major problems in your relationship, but I think this situation is a red herring. This relationship sounds miserable for all of you, and you need to take steps to end it.

twinkletoes1988 · 03/01/2021 13:07

@Diverseduvet

Your using two user names? In one your daughter is 3, the other 4.
Sorry I changed my name after this post didn't realise it would change on this thread, Mumsnet novice! She's 3 but near as damn it 4 - her birthday is next Saturday 16th.
Thecherryontheverytop · 03/01/2021 13:08

@Diverseduvet yes people usually do that to not give away too much info.
I do it all the time because the amount of stuff I put on here it would be easy for people who know me to recognise me as lot of my friends are on here.

HollyGenneroMcClane · 03/01/2021 13:09

Hi op i just want to clarify something. Are his parents british ex-pats retired abroad? Or are they Cypriot? Is your husband British or Cypriot? Because that would really change my advice!

twinkletoes1988 · 03/01/2021 13:10

@ComtesseDeSpair

So he did tell you that he wanted to take DD to see her grandparents, and he knows you hate his parents and would have refused to go anyway but you’re still upset not to be invited?

You definitely have major problems in your relationship, but I think this situation is a red herring. This relationship sounds miserable for all of you, and you need to take steps to end it.

Quite possibly. Maybe not a red herring as such, but something that would maybe be resolved or much less of an upsetting situation if the relationship itself was more healthy.
Diverseduvet · 03/01/2021 13:11

Wanted to let you know!

twinkletoes1988 · 03/01/2021 13:11

@HollyGenneroMcClane

Hi op i just want to clarify something. Are his parents british ex-pats retired abroad? Or are they Cypriot? Is your husband British or Cypriot? Because that would really change my advice!
They are ex pats. They moved over there a couple of years after I met DP. What makes you ask? x
twinkletoes1988 · 03/01/2021 13:14

@Diverseduvet

Wanted to let you know!
Thank you! Hope it hasn't confused anyone too much. I thought you kept the same name if you started a thread even if you changed it on your account. obv not! Haha.
LocationUnknown · 03/01/2021 13:23

Are you sure he's coming back OP?

twinkletoes1988 · 03/01/2021 13:25

@LocationUnknown

Are you sure he's coming back OP?
I sincerely hope so Sad
Thehop · 03/01/2021 13:26

I’d be concerned they weren’t coming back, for a start.

This relationship is awful, and you need to leave ASAP.

HollyGenneroMcClane · 03/01/2021 13:30

They are ex pats. They moved over there a couple of years after I met DP. What makes you ask? i was thinking worst case scenario. Would he be able to stay there! Would it be difficult to get them home?

You do need to make a plan to leave though.

katy1213 · 03/01/2021 13:31

I think you have a bigger problem than a holiday booking.

LocationUnknown · 03/01/2021 13:32

If you hide her passport he won't be able to take her.

twinkletoes1988 · 03/01/2021 13:36

@HollyGenneroMcClane

They are ex pats. They moved over there a couple of years after I met DP. What makes you ask? i was thinking worst case scenario. Would he be able to stay there! Would it be difficult to get them home?

You do need to make a plan to leave though.

I have no idea how it works. Would he be able to stay there? I mean he's got his job and stuff back here but could work remotely as he has done for most of the past year.
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