To go off sick

[funnybeanz]

Wanted some opinions.

I was 26 weeks and a bit pregnant and found out there was no heartbeat, I gave birth on 26th Dec. Seems likely she had a true knot and the cord was round her neck three times. We're devastated.

I'm due to return to work after xmas holidays tomorrow, my work pay 6 months full pay for sickness and 6 months half pay, if you take that long. Because of my gestation I'm entitled to take the full maternity leave, but that is worse than the sick pay, 90% of pay for 6 weeks then 50% for 6 months.

If we decide to try again it's likely we will need private ivf which would be around £17k. We were about to start in sept when I got pregnant naturally in July. Our first child was IVF so the natural pregnancy was a complete surprise. Even the IVF clinic thought we'd need 3 cycles hence the high cost.

I'm considering trying to go off sick with stress/anxiety/bereavement all of which are true, rather than taking the maternity leave because it will get me more money to contribute to ivf. So many people at my work take time off sick for similar things and I'm annoyed that because my bereavement is for a baby I should take maternity and get paid less than if I was grieving another family member or had a stress related problem. It's not the 'right' thing to do though is it? But nothing has been fair for us so why should I think about what's fair?

Any advise? I don't think I'd take the full year, maybe 5/6 months but will see how I go.

@Chel098 and @AlexaShutUp are correct. It’s not my job as a Gp to police people. I’m supposed to be on the side of the patient, not the employer. If they tell me they are too stressed, who am I in my 10 minute appointment to say otherwise? I don’t know their working environment, the details of what their job entails. Other than what they tell me, I have no other way of making an assessment. So if people tell me they are too stressed to work, I believe them. Now that doesn’t mean I don’t think their reasons are always robust.

It’s the job of occupational health doctors and the DWP to deal with chronic/ long term sickness perhaps that’s why people are getting outraged/ confused at what I said.

Ultimately if a patient tells me they aren’t coping I don’t feel a have a right to say otherwise. So yes I am comfortable with that and don’t feel ashamed as PP suggested 🤷‍♀️

@Aprilx my family are small business owners so I do see it from both sides. But effectively the ‘power’ of seeing through these decisions has been taken away from gps and we are effectively slaves to any complaint made or risk.

@AwaAnBileYerHeid it’s a good question. See my post above. It really depends on your personality/ practice.... I used to be quite strict but after some complaints for not signing people off, I don’t see the point anymore.

Were the complaints you received for not signing people off upheld?

It’s not my job as a Gp to police people. I’m supposed to be on the side of the patient, not the employer. If they tell me they are too stressed, who am I in my 10 minute appointment to say otherwise?

Exactly as GP should do.

@Scrunchies can I ask, why do GPs sign people off for shit reasons?

they don't. I have a severely autistic child and at one point hit rock bottom. I really didn't think I was able to carry on working and caring - or even living. I begged for a sick note (never had one before) but was only offered a referral for councilling to help me to better cope with the stress of caring and working. Funnily, I couldn't attend counciling as I was either working or caring and there was no childcare. As a result, I had to resign with horrid financial implications for me and my DC. I firmly believe, am still had a job if I would have for once been signed off for a short while - and I saw 3 different GPs over the course of my crisis.

It is not my experience at all that you just get signed off if you think you are too unwell MH wise to work. Far from it!

Sorry not read the whole thread, so sorry for your loss.

Just to say you are protected whilst on maternity - that doesn’t mean much these days, but they must take it into account when making decisions (ie to not discriminate against you).

If you are off sick for a long period of time, you can be taken through capability processes for not Abiding by your contract. Whilst I am sure this is unlikely to happen in your situation because of the circumstances, your employer could do this legitimately and at the very worst you’d lose you job. Also when applying for future roles you won’t need to declare maternity leave but would sickness.

I would suggest that if you have a union you can join whilst it isn’t an issue I would, just in case it becomes one.

Unmumsnetty hugs being sent your way

I am so sorry for your loss

I think you are legally entitled to maternity leave. Therefore if you are not working I don’t think you get the choice to opt for sick leave. You will be entitled to maternity pay.

Firstly I'm really sorry for your loss. Secondly you need to look carefully at your company policies and the rules on maternity leave - it kicks in automatically when you have given birth and it's my understanding that stillbirth (after 24 weeks) entitles you to full maternity but also means that you can't be off sick/bereavement. It's how my company interpreted it when unfortunately a colleague had a stillbirth at 30 weeks. She returned to work after 10 weeks though as there's no legal requirement to take full maternity leave (and your company might at the point where maternity pay drops allow you to be off sick instead but it's down to them to a certain point). I would suggest speaking to hr or your line manager - how long you need off is so personal, variable, but do seek support from those who have been through this eg SANDS.

You must start maternity leave tomorrow, you won’t be given an option for the first two weeks.

Thereafter if you want to avail of sick leave you’d need to return to work first. Once you’ve returned to work following sick leave you can no flip back to mat leave. The opportunity has passed so you’d want to feel very secure in your role and content to give up all of the protections that come with being on maternity leave.

Only you will know the environment and the security of tenure you have.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

@UsernameSpoosername

I’m so, so sorry OP. How awful for you all, I hope you’re being really kind to yourself. Really don’t worry about anything else at the moment, work, money (as much as possible.)

I agree with PP take 6 weeks maternity at 90% which you’re clearly entitled too then go from there when you have more head space?

You’ll be in my thoughts.

This 100%...am so sorry 💐💕💐

I’m really sorry OP. This is horrendous. I’ve been through similar and was desperate to get back to work after a couple of weeks just for some routine and normality, and as a distraction as I had nothing at home except my own thoughts.
I’d initially take mat leave and see how you feel in a couple of weeks. I’m so sorry x

I will also add that I’ve been through very similar. In the weeks after my DC was born I couldn’t begin to function but I did want to go back to work after a few months - I needed the routine and to feel normal.

I'd go on maternity leave. You are protected so they wont be able to use it against you in the future if there were redundancies etc and also if anything else happened to your health (and this can be anything, from stress to a car accident) you still have the buffer of having sick pay left. Also when you are off sick they will have to have regular catch ups about how to get you back in to work.

I'm so so sorry about your daughter.