Sloppy

[LesleyA]

For most of my life if I’m at home I wear whatever is comfortable and generally that’s clothing that doesn’t match, 2 sizes too big, inside out, my husbands, my raggiest tshirts. I’m only interested in comfort which one might say is my right as I’m at home. My husband never complains because he’s so not interested in fancy clothing. However as I’ve got older I look more and more like someone who has just given up and let go. My kids are now older and often comment that I just look so sloppy. They’re very nice kids and try say it in the nicest way. I am tactile sensitive but wonder why I don’t have any self pride. I like myself and am attractive (although increasingly less so with age) but I just always think what’s the point of putting neat clothes on. My heels are cracked, toenails always half painted, legs prickly etc etc. every now and then I’ll groom myself or have a pedi and think why don’t I do this more often. Loose clothing feels so much better but why don’t I buy comfortable pretty loose clothing I swear I look like I’m in rags half the time. I don’t want my kids growing up with their memory of their mum as a bit of a slob (although my clothes are clean). How can I expect my husband to find me sexy if I don’t remotely look appealing albeit he’s not interested in fashion/clothes etc. why don’t I wear pretty white outfits, matching stuff. Where do I start and how do I maintain? Help!!

Hello! I don’t know the answer, but you’re not alone!

I don't have a complete answer but I can recommend that if you want to be comfortable and neat without excessive stress don't dream of white clothing. It's a massive amount of maintenance!

Fellow slopper here I’m actually finding the fact that I don’t care so much anymore quite liberating. I tell myself that I have reached the point of enlightenment where I realise that looks/clothing etc don’t matter!

Will you feel happier sitting in pretty white matching lounge wear?

I mean it's worth considering if you're depressed, esp if you're WFH / unemployed so like this 24/7 - is it an outer manifestation of your mood or self belief?

You say about your husband finding your attractive, does he act like he does? Do you have a good sex life?

I don't think teaching kids to not be obsessed about their looks is a bad thing

You can be comfortable without being scruffy - and “raggedy” t-shirts and things which obviously clash is scruffy. You don’t need to be groomed or looking like the latest fashion magazine, but there’s a definite line between “not fussed about how I look” and “wearing stuff which looks worn and tatty.”

I wear a lot of nice but fairly loose dresses, maxi dresses in summer. I’m comfortable and it takes no more effort to get dressed in those than in anything else. If you really are just comfortable in tshirts then that’s fine - why not buy some decent quality ones to team with comfortable leggings?

If you want to change (and only if!) - chuck out your old raggedy stuff and buy a few pairs of matching or similar colour joggers / sweat tops in dark colours so you can still be comfy and low maintenance but look a little more put together. You can find a range even on Amazon, these outfits are everywhere at present!

Have a pedi once in a while but use a nail colour you have so you can top up any chips.

You don't sound overly bothered though!! Maybe just tell your children you are growing old disgracefully?!

You need a new "uniform" for home. Even if it's just jeans or leggings and some new tops. Buy 3 sets for now and make a point of wearing them every week. Then buy another 3 in a couple of months.

I'm not interested in clothes either. Bulk buying helps - if you find a top you like, go back and buy the same style in different colours. Fatface, Popsy, Lands End are all good for doing the same style in different colours.

Also leaving the house every day - even if just for a walk - might spur you on a bit. Give yourself a challenge, eg walking 1000 miles in 2021, or treat yourself to some nice DMs and take them for daily walks to break them in.

Try searching “loungewear”, just to get ideas check out sites like Landsend. Or whatever is your fave shop.
You’ll need to both buy and throw out/donate.
Pedicures, go for clear or skin tones.
Make sure you cover the basics of hair, skin and teeth. Even if just tied back, moisturized and regular check ups/cleaning.

If you’re happy and comfortable in your joggers/old T-shirt’s, why change now to benefit other people? I don’t think clothing makes the person, and it certainly doesn’t impact upon parenting ability or your partnership with your husband.
If you want to change to please yourself you could absolutely take the advice on offer in this thread.

What others have said, check out vero moda too for simple tops, leggings and loose knitwear. Also h&m. Maxi stuff in warmer with with flip flops.

Book a series of regular mani pedis in advance. Simple things like good skin care routine and curling eyelashes every day. You don't need to change you or your style to feel more presentable.

*warmer weather

Have you ever watched Queer Eye? Tan talks a lot about this.

Do you have a mirror? I often avoid looking in the mirror, but when I actually take time to look I'm shocked about how I actually look.

Try different things on. Take time to really look at yourself in the mirror and judge whether it actually suits you or not. Small tweaks can make a huge difference in our appearance.

I have never painted my toenails, or had a pedicure, it’s not a requirement of being female! There’s a few things going on here - your feelings re husband/attractiveness, your idea of your children’s opinions, your views on ageing. Have a good think about each one, even talk to husband/children honestly about it.
For what it’s worth, you need to be happy in yourself - are you, generally, or do you avoid mirrors?

Thoughts here from a Husband's perspective.....

He should find you sexy whether you are dressed in a bin bag or a LBD with killer heels! I wouldn't worry about what he thinks of you.

Also, I tend to find that women get MORE attractive with age, rather than less so. I appreciate that it's difficult to do, but you should try to stop putting yourself down.

If you feel that you should change, then take steps to do so. But only do this for yourself, rather than trying to change the opinions of others (especially your kids...how could you tell your Mom that she looks sloppy? Even if you think this, there are ways of broaching the subject in a tactful manner)

Wear what you are comfortable in. Living alone makes it easier but I've sometimes been in pjs for two weeks. Clean ones obviously.

If you were f worried then you wouldn't have composed such along post.
Surely the easiest thing is to gradually change your wardrobe to a selection of comfortable but chic clothing. After all it's as easy to look nice as it is sloppy.

a long
f no idea

If you're really concerned you can do little changes. I wouldn't start to wear heels around the house or anything like that as it won't stick as they're not comfy. Like you said get some new clothes that are comfy - like a matching ounge suit or whatever they're called. Get some new t-shirts that'll go with anything.

I think it's like dieting you don't want to go crazy just small changes that become habits and stick.

Or just tell your kids you just wear what you want and they have to deal with it. The main issues with slobs is cleanliness as long as you're clean that's the main thing.

Wearing a clean untatty t-shirt that's the correct size and not inside out isn't difficult

Tbf if you're wearing inside out, raggy tshirts I can kind of see their point. I dont wear jeans in the house as i cannot understand how people can relax in them but a white h&m basics tshirt and black joggers are comfortable and not scruffy looking. As pp above you maybe need a house 'uniform'

You can get nice, comfortable clothes OP. Nice joggers in HUSH, or H&M, combined with oversized sweatshirts and some cozy socks or slippers. Loungewear. I'm also a comfort clothes wearer (as I suspect many are after 2020), but no inside out clothes or husbands shirts!

Buy a tub of thick body butter and lather it all over your feet before bed, take off toenail polish completely, toes look better without it if its chipped, run a brush through your hair each morning and pop on some mascara. You dont have to go full makeover/pedicure and white silk wardrobe, just a few small changes.

Life is too short to spend a ton of effort looking pretty for people who don't care.

I slum around in comfortable PJ's and old clothes at home. I only get properly dressed when leaving the house. I change back into PJ's as soon as I get back.

As long as you look decent when leaving the house or having guests then stay comfortable.

I’m the same, I need comfort when I’m in the house and was starting to resemble a homeless person at one point with the shit I was wearing. So I just bought some decent loungewear items from Next. I have some black joggers, some leggings, hoodies etc ... still slobby and comfortable but at least I can answer the door now without pretending that I’m in the middle of decorating

I change into "loungewear" as soon as I walk in the house. I have bought a few nice matching sets from Tesco, matalan, M&S and Primark since last March. They are definitely my "uniform" at home atm.

If you enjoy have a bit of a pamper at home and it makes you feel better, then maybe try having a weekly or bi weekly bath night and do it all in one go that night, with a nice drink and something to watch on the iPad. Or do something different every night? Say a manicure on a Monday, hair mask on a Tuesday, pedicure on a Wednesday, shave your legs on a Thursday, face mask on a Friday etc? Only if you enjoy it though.

You just need to find clothes that are comfortable to wear and make you feel good. I absolutely love Popsy dresses, they're my go to for feeling comfy while still looking properly dressed. Team with snag tights for extra comfort, they're amazing. www.popsyclothing.co.uk/