Sloppy

[LesleyA]

For most of my life if I’m at home I wear whatever is comfortable and generally that’s clothing that doesn’t match, 2 sizes too big, inside out, my husbands, my raggiest tshirts. I’m only interested in comfort which one might say is my right as I’m at home. My husband never complains because he’s so not interested in fancy clothing. However as I’ve got older I look more and more like someone who has just given up and let go. My kids are now older and often comment that I just look so sloppy. They’re very nice kids and try say it in the nicest way. I am tactile sensitive but wonder why I don’t have any self pride. I like myself and am attractive (although increasingly less so with age) but I just always think what’s the point of putting neat clothes on. My heels are cracked, toenails always half painted, legs prickly etc etc. every now and then I’ll groom myself or have a pedi and think why don’t I do this more often. Loose clothing feels so much better but why don’t I buy comfortable pretty loose clothing I swear I look like I’m in rags half the time. I don’t want my kids growing up with their memory of their mum as a bit of a slob (although my clothes are clean). How can I expect my husband to find me sexy if I don’t remotely look appealing albeit he’s not interested in fashion/clothes etc. why don’t I wear pretty white outfits, matching stuff. Where do I start and how do I maintain? Help!!

Personally I don't feel comfortable if clothes have holes, rips or stains. I wear comfortable clothes but try to look nice. Even a big jumper and leggings will look more put together. H&m have some good neutral jumpers on which are inexpensive.

At home I wear comfy clothes that are also clothes I don't need to change to go to the shops. If I would have to change to go out of the house, that's when I know I've gone too far and am letting myself go.

I don't often paint my nails or wear make-up any more, but my hair's always clean and styled, even if it's just a messy bun. I don't live with anyone, so I do what suits me.

I'm slobby and "comfortable" at home too. Nice loungewear certainly helps - still joggers etc but clean and sleek, not the decade-old ones with holes in.

I'm only really motivated to dress up for an occasion though - I scrub up well and still have an eye for fashion if I'm going to a party or out to a restaurant - and there are have been precious few of those this year. So it feels all slobby all the time now. Pick a day once a fortnight/week where you (and DH!) make an effort for dinner. It just keeps that part of you that hasn't completely given up ticking over!

I am sloppy too! However when I do make an effort it is much more noticed as the transformation is extreme! 🤣🤣

Honestly, if you're wearing clothes that are ragged, they're going to also be faded and stained, even if they're clean. It's not about how you look or how attractive they make you, it's about maintaining a decent standard of neatness and self care. I find myself veering towards comfort over style too, but too far and it's bad for your MH. If your kids are mentioning it, then it's probably quite noticeable tbh, and I imagine you have their friends round in non covid times, other parents doing pick ups at the door etc.

I don't like bulky heavy clothes, so for me the answer is to layer up. I have bought some very soft, thin, almost jersey type hoodies and sweaters, long line so they cover my bum, and I wear them with high waist leggings and a vest top. I only wear sports or comfort bras, which helps. I also have a pair of slipper boots with a rigid sole, so although they're comfy, I can slope about the house with them and nip out to the bin or answer the door and they don't look like slippers as such. Hair clean, brushed and up in a loose clip. Tinted moisturiser every day, purely because it's SPF 30 and even if I don't leave the house I'll be in the garden,and I'm trying to protect my skin in advance.

Anything with holes, either mend it or chop into rags. There's no need for anyone these days to be wearing holey ripped clothing.

I do actually know someone who dresses like you describe, and it used to be that he'd only wear his ripped and stained old clothes around the house, but as time went by, he started nipping out to the shops, because who was going to see... Then he might as well nip to the other further shop while he's at it.... Then he might as well pop in and see x on the way back home....and now he wears the clothes all the time. He's lovely, but I know his children, and they find it embarrassing, because it's got to the point where it's just not appropriate

Anything with holes, either mend it or chop into rags. There's no need for anyone these days to be wearing holey ripped clothing.

Poverty ?

Bartymao- nope. Been there, done that. Still never had holes in my clothes. Shoes now...

There’s a big gap between what you are wearing now and a pristine all white outfit.
You can be comfy and look reasonable too, some lounge wear is nice and available in all budgets. You can also be clean with washed hair etc

I'm of the opinion that if you're doing it right, then it isn't actually any more effort to put something 'nice' on than it is to just wear slobby clothes.

It's usually if you're buying something that doesn't suit you, doesn't make you feel good, isn't comfortable, isn't practical for your lifestyle or is just a faff to maintain (needs dry cleaned or jroned) that makes it feel like effort.

I usually wear jumpers and jeans in the winter and dresses in the summer. They're quick and easy to throw on without thinking about it too much. And I find them comfortable. Oh and they don't need ironed.

You could easily look more put together by buying some new coordinating joggers, t shirts and hoddies. Or even PJ separates.

You're kind of sending the message to yourself and others that you're not worth spending the time or effort on. I was in this kind of rut a few years ago. I don't look perfect in any way BTW. But I FEEL better about myself when I make a little effort. I'd recommend getting your cracked heels sorted because they can be very painful if left untreated. I'm talking from experience here too.

If your 'nice' clothes aren't comfy enough to wear around the house then why not get a style that are? Stretchy waistband jeans with a long top, leggings, boyfriend jeans, jeans with a higher stretch percentage?

My husband has a great eye and sorted me out. I was exactly the same. I'd reach for whatever made me feel comfy regardless of what it looked like.

I now have very comfy, relaxed clothes to slob about in. He has found stretchy jersey tops, oversized tops with fleecy lining and peach skin leggings with coordinating fluffy socks and all easy to wear and so comfy. He's kept my colour palette for these clothes to a minimum so whatever I grab I always look coordinated.

My friends are shocked that he organises my clothes. But, I have to say, his skill is amazing. He can look at a person and know exactly what will bring out the best, which colours will make someone look good. Then he listens to sensory needs (I have a lot of things I can't wear) and buys things to put a look together.

I bow to his skill!

We don't know why you don't have any self pride or buy comfortable pretty loose clothing.

I don’t want my kids growing up with their memory of their mum as a bit of a slob
Then listen to them. Sadly, your DC already find your appearance an embarrassment so you do need to something about this.

Assuming you can afford it, just chuck away virtually all of your clothes and order some comfortable, pretty, matching clothes on-line today. Rope in your kids to help choose clothing for you.

When non-essential shops re-open, book an appointment with a personal shopper who can best advise you on what to buy.

Buy some cracked heal cream today. Shave or wax your legs and just do it every week.

You may well be very surprised by how much better you feel about yourself when not slobbing around. Then, pride in your appearance will follow, the more often you dress nicely or do your hair nicely.

@araiwa

Wearing a clean untatty t-shirt that's the correct size and not inside out isn't difficult

exactly. And it's not even about "comfort" - wearing a dirty t shirt inside out isn't more comfortable than wearing a clean one the right way, usually the opposite and any external logo or label would scratch your skin!

Mani/pedis and shaving aren't essential - nobody outside my house sees my bare legs or feet from Sept-March even in normal times, and hardly any of my smart work and going out clothes haven't seen the light of day since February, but wearing clean clothes that fit is the bare minimum that the vast majority of people do seem to manage.

It doesn't have to be either side of a smartly dressed and made up, hair styled versus complete slob dichotomy - as other posters have said, just get some cheapy comfy clothes in plain colours, wash them as needed, brush your hair and stick some moisturiser on every day - will take about 60 seconds longer than your current routine and will hopefully give you a bit of a boost, as well as stopping your kids from feeling ashamed of you.

I don't get the posters saying why bother if there's nobody else to see; you could apply that to everything. Why bother showering if you will get sweaty again? Why bother changing the beds? Why bother washing the dishes, etc, etc?

I make sure I am clean, brushed teeth, go to dentist etc but don't do the rest.

I dress for comfort at home, which is where I am most of the time. But I wear the correct size, I wear things the right way out and I don’t wear tatty clothes. You can make some simple changes if you want to and still be comfortable. I have two or three pairs of lounge pants, about the same of leggings and I wear these with nice T-shirts or tops. I also have a couple of dresses that I tend to only really wear around the house. Nothing fancy but all quite nice.

@DressingGownofDoom

Thank you for that link. I have never heard of them before but those dresses are just the type I like. I will be ordering a couple later. 🙂

Hi - I threw out all my raggedy loungewear/sleeping clothes and bought new ones. Still comfy but they look nice. I went for colours that coordinate. I got men's T-shirt's so they have a nice casual fit, which I pair with women's PJ bottoms for night time. For day time if just staying in the house I wear one of those nice new (but men's!) T-shirt's with leggings. I got nice new leggings that fit well. Looks miles better.

Tip- you must throw the old things away otherwise you'll end up wearing them again

Wow so many constructive comments. So helpful and supportive thank you wouldn’t it be nice to make friends and get this much support so quickly. Love the ideas, I could comment on each and every one. I’ve thrown My threadbare raggy (sooo comfortable but sloth like stuff away/well chopped into rags). Painted my toenails. And will look for some nice home clothes/lounge wear. Will look at links thank you. I do think I should find clothes that I really do feel comfortable in and as one or two said can still answer the door or pop to the shops. The kids are really loving and I don’t dress like this out although I have a limited choice of clothes as I’ve recently put on weight around my waist. I think it’s also a bit of all or nothing thinking. If I can’t look so lovely albeit casual I may as well just be comfortable in my pile of washing look. It definitely doesn’t make me feel constructive though. Just to reiterate I shower in the morning and evening and I’m very very clean teeth/hair etc I just mostly look like a tramp. But I think instead of racing around looking for something I will try completely different styles to see. I almost always gravitate to thin sloppy jo’s soft and comfy. Thank you x a million for each wise, kind, constructive and confronting idea, thought, question.