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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nits

34 replies

bumpdownthestairs · 02/01/2021 15:31

There are two parents who live apart in this situation. Parent A and Parent B. One parent is RP other one obviously isn't but child spends 2/3 days (depending on it being term time or not) with NRP.

Child is found to have nits at parent A's House after spending 7 days there (not the usual but parent B had previous 7 days as it's school holidays). At drop off parent A says child has nits and parent B needs to treat them. At parent B's House there are 2 other smaller children who definitely do not have nits. At parents A's House there is one other child who also has them.

AIBU to think parent A should keep the child at their house until they have been treated as other child in the house will need treated as well and as it's not in parent B's house but they would risk passing them on to Parent B's other children?

So YANBU = Parent A should treat.
YABU = Parent B should treat.

OP posts:
namechangealerttt · 02/01/2021 15:35

Just put the kids first and treat them if the other parent hasn't, even if you feel they should have.

I came out of a 12 week covid lockdown, hoping nits may have been temporarily eradicated, first week back at school, and the notice goes out about nits...some poor kids lived through a 12 week lockdown with nits/lice and their parents/carers haven't done anything about it.

Lockheart · 02/01/2021 15:36

It doesn't matter. Both parents should stop bickering and just treat the poor child.

WorraLiberty · 02/01/2021 15:37

@Lockheart

It doesn't matter. Both parents should stop bickering and just treat the poor child.
1 million percent this ^^

Really really doesn't matter.

VimFuego101 · 02/01/2021 15:37

YANBU, if you have an arrangement which is shared care (ie an almost even split of time between parents) then you need to take full responsibility for issues like treating nits, doctors appts, supporting homework when the child is with you.

Diverseduvet · 02/01/2021 15:37

It's both the parents responsibility. You have to work together to make sure they are eradicated.

yikesanotherbooboo · 02/01/2021 15:39

I agree, nits are an annoyance but not dangerous to anyone.

Solidaritea · 02/01/2021 15:42

What does the child want? I'd imagine they'd want consistency and not to have parents bickering over trivial things.

Original poster
bumpdownthestairs · 02/01/2021 15:46

Thanks for all the replies, going off some of them then should the child not have been treated at parent A's House when it was discovered instead of leaving it for parent B to deal with and not mentioned until handover?

OP posts:
Original poster
bumpdownthestairs · 02/01/2021 15:47

Or do both parents have the responsibility so if parent A leaves it once discovered and asks parent B to deal with then that is normal as well?

OP posts:
Lockheart · 02/01/2021 15:48

@bumpdownthestairs

Thanks for all the replies, going off some of them then should the child not have been treated at parent A's House when it was discovered instead of leaving it for parent B to deal with and not mentioned until handover?
Agreed, but that horse has bolted and whilst the child is suffering it's pointless arguing over it.

Just treat the problem now.

Cattitudes · 02/01/2021 15:48

Depends when the nits were spotted, what both parents previous views on altering arrangements has been and also it is unrealistic to expect them to go in one treatment. In my experience more like 2 weeks as even the second treatment will probably miss some so sooner or later the other parent will need to be involved.

Original poster
bumpdownthestairs · 02/01/2021 15:49

Arrangements are usually consistent but both parents can be/have been flexible in the past.

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 02/01/2021 15:50

Who has said the parent who found the life shouldn't have done anything?

toomanyplants · 02/01/2021 15:50

So this sounds like your OH is parent B, with his ex being parent A.
Regardless of who you think should have treated them... just think of the child and get some lotion.
If you need 2 extra bottles to test the ones who 100% don't have nits just do it.
Ffs, just get the lotion.

dementedpixie · 02/01/2021 15:51

Depends when they found them i suppose. The parent who found them should have treated them but it should not get in the way of whoever was due to have them.

Original poster
bumpdownthestairs · 02/01/2021 15:51

Just to add incase anyone is concerned, no arguing has happened in front of child, parents didn't particularly argue about it either as an agreement was made pretty quickly as one agreed they were in the wrong. Child is blissfully unaware and treatment has been completed now.

OP posts:
Original poster
bumpdownthestairs · 02/01/2021 15:53

To anyone speculating, I am one of the parents just getting others perspectives on the matter.

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 02/01/2021 16:01

Parent A should of treated the nits at their house. They should of phoned and said they were going to be a bit late dropping off. After all, it doesn’t that long to treat does it?

Looneytune253 · 02/01/2021 16:16

Did parent A defo know with enough time to treat before drop off? If so that's bad of them but I wouldn't expect the child to stay longer specifically to treat the child either.

Indecisive12 · 02/01/2021 16:18

The recommendation for nits isn’t chemical treatment it’s daily nit combing. But a nifty gritty and some cheap conditioner and do it daily.
Parent A should have started it but no need not to send to parent B, they’re nits!

Original poster
bumpdownthestairs · 02/01/2021 16:18

The parent had known for a day or 2 but didn't treat.

OP posts:
ThePlantsitter · 02/01/2021 16:20

It's really obvious you're parent B. I don't blame you for being annoyed but you'll just have to get on with it really, it's not the kid's fault.

Original poster
bumpdownthestairs · 02/01/2021 16:24

I suppose in simple terms what I really should of asked is, is it fair to leave something contagious that needs treated and pass it to the other parent to deal with? Nits, Threadworm etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
bumpdownthestairs · 02/01/2021 16:25

Yeah it probably is obvious now that I'm parent B!

OP posts:
Original poster
bumpdownthestairs · 02/01/2021 16:26

Totally agree it's not the kids fault, furious they have been left for me to deal with though. Imagine of this was the other way round?

OP posts: