I dont know if anyone will even read this

[Grandfather]

Tonight is the 1st of Jan but new years Eve to me
I had my Grandchildren last night
It was both wonderful and debillitating
at the same time
3 Severley Autistic kids
What am i supposed to feel or think ?
Its obvious they will never be able to care for themselves
And i cant care for them forever
its like a hole
i need them to be better than me x

Tell us a little about them? How old they?

Do you mean they have come to live with you under your care from last night?

Did they come to live with you or did you babysit them for the night?

I have 2 autistic children and there are times where I worry about their future but I can’t think like that all the time or it would make me very depressed. My mum helps with my youngest and provides respite but not over night, she won’t be able to do it forever the same as I won’t be able to care for her forever. All you can do is support them as much as you can now.

Tell us more about them @Grandfather if writing down your thoughts and sharing them might make it a bit easier for you? you must be so strong!

Are you just helping out the parents OP? Have they looked for other support?

Reading.

How is it you are feeling?

All you can do is fight for the best care possible and the best school,s for them I have a severly autistic child and it's by no means easy ,you need to engage with services and try and get everything in place to support you and them

Ty everyone because i am afraid. I love them so much

I semi live at my Daughters house
My grandchildren see me as the main male figure at the house
Its my Daughter not my partner
Im very proud of my relationship with my Daughter
I was her birthing partner for her 1st child
Thats an unusual Honour

I can sense the love you all have for one another through your posts:; your daughter and grandchildren are so lucky to have you and your daughter clearly loves and respects you so greatly. Your humility, kindness and love for your family shines- your beautiful grandchildren have a great gift to have you as their grandfather xx

Im so lucky to have them x

I need to find me dont i ?

How often do you look after the children, if you don't mind me asking? It's just when you said I need to find me dont i ?, it made me wonder if you were getting enough time to follow your own interests or even just time to relax.

I dont know whos listening
I dont know who will read this
But im beggining to realise
I cant cope anymore
My Granduaghter is having an episode
non verbal as is her elder brother
Last time this happened she ended up on Psychotics "Respiridol"
I cryed my eyes out
Everyone told me it would help
Her behaviour would become better
easier to handle
I thought For whom ?
She became controllable
Dribbling in a corner no spark in her eyes
If it wasnt for an observant Nurse who treated her for a water infection
She could have ended up on Psychotics for the rest of her life
Now its happening again
But this time we are aware
we have treated her with antibiotics
Anti Cystitus
We have even given her worming tablets
Respiridol is back on the table
Im praying for constipation
My eldest Granson has taken to Defacating and weeing in obscure places in the house
I thought we had got him out of that
My youngest grandson hit me today so i pushed him back
And said "Dont hit me its not nice and i really dont like that"
He told the Teachers that i was horrible to him
I understand he doesnt understand how much trouble that makes
The teachers know me and when i picked him up all was ok
But i know its all written on a report and some future person will only see part of a picture
My Mother is ill and playing emotional blackmail
My son is worse than no help
And in all this My personal life is disintergrating
I see no way out
Im going to lose something i love
I feel ive already lost me

I’m listening. Please be kind to yourself.

where is your daughter ?

💐

I remember your first posts where you introduced yourself, iirc.

So all of us here are listening.

im crying and laughing both at the same time this is horrible Its like everything is pouring out all at the same time i dont know how to feel anymore

It is good you are reaching out. Is it your latest Granddaughter's episode that has triggered this?
Are you worried because you are your daughter's only support?
Well done on all you are already doing and how much you are supporting your daughter. She (& your DGC) must appreciate you so much.

Thank you everyone
Im sorry i broke down
Mumsnet was the rock i clung on to
Whilst i was drowning
Today i picked up the elder 2 from school
(Severely disabled so lockdown hasnt stopped school for them)
And my grandaughter dived at me and clung around my neck
like a limpet
My Grandson smiled and grabbed my hand
It made me feel so wanted and loved
I know its difficult and a strange life
we are NOT the Waltons
For a second i couldnt cope
Ive pulled myself together now
They rely on me and my Daughter
(i wish she could find a good fella )
I would love to have a mid life crisis
Just havnt got the time
Ty all agin

Sending you strength. Lots of strength.
I totally feel you. And understand that unrelenting feeling of being needed ALL The Time.. That constant feeling of having to give even when there are times you feel you have nothing more to give. No time off... No leave.
You and your daughter are must be an amazing team. I am praying something works out for you and your daughter soon. You say you aren't the Waltons but you are surely a family with so much love and care between you all.

Sometimes i feel like a falier I know im not just get a bit lost sometimes

There must be other people that feel the same
Im not confident enough to be unique

Hello again, Grandfather. I saw your first thread a while back, though I had a different username at the time.

Can you apply for respite care? AIBU isn't the best place for these sorts of threads, you'd be better off posting on the Special needs boards:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs