Page 3 | To ask about your experiences if you’ve ever been “the other woman”

Cookiemonster92 · 2021-01-01T18:55:48+00:00

Just that really. I’ve never been the other woman myself, but have had partners who have had another woman on the side, and I know of several people who have been the other woman, both knowingly and unknowingly. A lot of judgement gets thrown around, but when it comes down to it, it isn’t actually spoken about! So if you have been the other woman, what made you want to do it or made you stop??

Gutted2day · 01/01/2021 23:02

I was when I was 17 years old, he was my first love (bit older than me) who at the time I truly believed loved me and had rushed in to getting married to someone else after we split up (same story as most on here - she treats me like shit/no sex etc...) Went on for a few years on and off until I met my now husband. When I think of the ex now he actually makes my flesh crawl, I can honestly say I was totally immature and blinded by what I thought was love. My husband is wonderful and I would be devastated if he did this to me but I know karma is a bitch. Ex left his wife in the end for someone else (I believe he was caught cheating) I have wondered about telling his first wife but not sure if it would make any difference 20 odd years later, she too now knows that he was a arse. Saw him once in the intervening years and he acted like he was irresistible to me, felt so good telling him how pathetic I now think he is. I have never told anyone about it IRL as I am mortified about it

Bence69 · 01/01/2021 23:14

I was the OW & three years later I’m now listening to him snore in the bed next to me! It’s all shits & giggles till it all comes out & the shit hits the fan. Maybe I should of let the wife have him least I’d be getting some shut eye tonight xx

lazylockdowner · 01/01/2021 23:40

I was the other woman once, to start with I didn't know I was and by the time I found out I was so in love and believed everything he told me about being unhappy and leaving and for a very short time I let it carry on until I realised it was all lies. Looking back I had been through a really hard few years and had extremely low self esteem.... it's been 5 years now and it effected me badly, since then I've only had 2 flings with definitely single men but men who were clear they didn't want anything other than a fling self and I honestly just feel like I'm not good enough to ever find love or will be never enough to have anyone love me, my self esteem is rock bottom

I'm not proud of what I did

Gutted2day · 01/01/2021 23:57

@lazylockdowner

I was the other woman once, to start with I didn't know I was and by the time I found out I was so in love and believed everything he told me about being unhappy and leaving and for a very short time I let it carry on until I realised it was all lies. Looking back I had been through a really hard few years and had extremely low self esteem.... it's been 5 years now and it effected me badly, since then I've only had 2 flings with definitely single men but men who were clear they didn't want anything other than a fling self and I honestly just feel like I'm not good enough to ever find love or will be never enough to have anyone love me, my self esteem is rock bottom

I'm not proud of what I did

@lazylockdowner please don't think that. You had a shit experience and your self esteem has been dimished. You are worth more than you know, don't let this one bad experience write off your whole life. I did this for years and punished myself and in the end met someone wonderful, I wish in the intervening times I hadn't been so awful to myself (self loathing, lonely and unbelievably sad) Please don't give up on yourself, you have the same right as anyone to live a happy and fulfilled life whether you are single or attached. Many of the posts on here relate to low self-esteem, as this has impacted you long term try to get some help professionally. You deserve to be happy x

thehandthatturnsthekey · 01/01/2021 23:59

I had no idea. Genuinely none whatsoever. We were long distance and the amount of time he phoned, texted etc - I wouldn't have known where he had the time to do that.

He did turn out to be a compulsive liar, though, which led me to finish with him. After he continued to lie to me post-break up (he tried to make a fake Facebook profile to lure me in to supposedly meet him in a bar; he said he was moving out of the country ) I then went on a bit of a Facebook search to see what was really going on, and found his brother's open profile. He'd been in a relationship with her the entire time.

I contacted her because I felt so bad that this had happened. She was utterly lovely and actually very kind towards me. She contacted me many months later thanking me for telling her and letting me know that she was definitely rid of him.

A friend of mine has been the other woman for two years; I only found out recently when both relationships broke down. The way she talks, it's as if she was able to breezily forget that the wife existed.

Lunta · 02/01/2021 00:15

15 years ago I was the Ow. I know people say it's a all a line but he genuinely wasn't happy in his marriage. He left within 4 months of meeting me. We've been married 13 years.

MrsKoala · 02/01/2021 00:19

@DrManhattan

Those who marry a cheater, I am so curious as to how you don't worry that its not gonna happen to you.

My dad was married when he met my mum. He was in a desperately unhappy marriage which had been forced upon him and his unhappy wife in his late teens as he’d got a girl pregnant during a ons (the 60s). They’d only been married a few months and he met my mum. They’ve been together ever since (51 years) He’s not cheated as far as I know and mum says she never thought he would. His ex wife came to my wedding and has always said him meeting my mum was the best thing that could have happened.

My H was the other man, as I was married when I met him. I was just about to leave my husband who I’d only been married to a year. He lied about wanting children and told me after we were married that he didn’t want any. I was 32 and couldn’t stay. He is now very happy with my 30 year long best friend. They’d always had feelings for each other it emerged apparently. My h doesn’t suspect I will cheat because it was a very specific circumstance.

Realllythough · 02/01/2021 00:32

@Lunta

15 years ago I was the Ow. I know people say it's a all a line but he genuinely wasn't happy in his marriage. He left within 4 months of meeting me. We've been married 13 years.

That's how I feel about what happened with me too. His gf at the time was horrid to him, I saw it myself as I knew them both, and he was miserable. He left her within 2 months of me and him starting to be more-than-friends. 8 years on, were so happily married.

EmmanuelleMakro · 02/01/2021 08:05

There is real difference here between those who were genuinely in unhappy marriages -(they left within a few months, so the ‘affair’ did not go on grubbily with endless lies and deceptions) and the serial cheaters.
Was discussing this with a friend yesterday as we have both at times been (very briefly) OW and it seems that these men have radar for low self-esteem -especially for normally confident women who are going through a wobbly patch and are flattered by the attention. I have recently been pursued by an ex-colleague (clearly bored in lockdown ) who makes no pretence of the fact that he is married and staying that way, but claims I am irresistible. I am no such thing -it is just a diversion and a game which I am not interest in, but if this has got me at a low point I could easily have fallen for the guff.

HakkaPakke · 02/01/2021 11:28

Exit affairs while not ideal aren't the same thing as serial cheats who carry on deceiving their first husband/wife for years trying to have their cake and eat it too.