Husband getting annoyed with my decisions. AIBU?

[Felicius15]

Over the last couple of weeks I have made a number of decisions affecting Our family. Some are very minor, some a bit more important. I always ask his input and always agrees with what I’ve said without contributing anything himself. It’s now become clear that he’s not happy with some of these decisions and is being passive aggressive with me, rather than telling me what the problem is. This isn’t a new problem but seems to have intensified recently. AIBU in finding this annoying and does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this without it turning into an argument?

@Haggertyjane

Why didn't you ask him if he was able to fix it before calling a plumber? He's right you should discuss things before making a decision which is going to cost a lot of unnecessary money wasted

Did you even read the OP?

I’m impressed you got a plumber straight away and didn’t have to wait a week or more! Awesome!!

@mellicauli

Maybe this is a territory thing. You trespassed on his domain, now it's turning out badly he's using it as an opportunity to re-assert his rights. If you came into my kitchen and burnt one of my saucepans I might moan about it too.

Would he not then have stepped forward and beaten his chest, grunting 'Me man! I fix!'?

Or, with regard to the other era you're referring to, he would have said, 'There there dear, don't you worry your pretty little head. I'll have this fixed in a jiffy, so that you'll be able to make my dinner just like you want to.'

YANBU. DP is a bit like this. I try to discuss something with him, he gives me a list of all the available options but won't actually give a proper opinion. When I get sick of his dithering and make a decision it's "well, I wouldn't have done that.."

My DH is a bit like this. In his case, it's that he's really indecisive and hates making the wrong decision. I have 3 strategies:
It's not at all urgent - let him decide, eventually, he needs the practice
Mid urgency - Share my thoughts, ask for input, set a deadline, if he misses it I decide and if he moans tough, he was given the chance to disagree
Urgent - just act

I hate this kind of behaviour. I've experienced it before. I think the person is just annoyed that it could have been avoided and instead of accepting that it was no one's fault and that's the way things go sometimes they blame you.

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

You probably need to be a plumber to know you didn't need a plumber. If he didn't know what to do, why should you?

Absolutely this. He's probably feeling inadequate that he can't fix it himself, and then turning it back on you because you took decisive action and got a plumber in to fix the problem. Personally I'd just ignore him, he'll get over it.

What are you like when he makes a decision? Are you the strongest character in the relationship? How do you behave if his decisions don’t pan out well? It sounds like he is pushing back a bit but isn’t quite confident enough to make the decisions himself.

My DH is the same.

YANBU - it's annoying. If this happens with me and DP I give a passive aggressive response of "Oh well, it's been decided/sorted now - perhaps next time you can decide/give some proper input, and then you won't be so whiney about it". Tends to work.

I make all the decisions. He does all the moaning. He will limp on with something broken until it becomes an emergency to fix it. It drives me mad. Ignore and carry on.

I actually thought you were going to say something like ‘last week I gave one of my kids away, gave a dog up, sold our house, put granny in a care home’

But it’s about you calling a plumber when you thought your kitchen was going to flood.

Tell him to fuck off.

Maybe he is pissed off you didn’t get on your hands and knees and fix it yourself?

Ok so his decision making is marvellous with hindsight - did he know what to do to fix it - clearly not as he didn't do it - an 80 quid call out is cheaper than a new kitchen

So he wants none of the hassle of sorting stuff and making decisions, but the ability to criticise those decisions afterwards? Yeah, on your bike matey. YANBU.