My husband puts his mums feelings first

[yellowmeadows]

My husband popped over to his mums today and took the dc with him. I stayed home to do a few jobs and get a start on dinner (he knew this)
When he got home he told me his mum had fed the kids even though he told her not to as I was doing dinner back home. I asked him where he was whilst she had fed the kids as her downstairs is open plan and apparently he didn't see her.
If this was a once off I'd roll my eyes but stuff like this happens frequently. I'm more annoyed with my husband as his attitude is I told her not to give them anything what more do you want me to do. It feels like he was more upset to hurt his mums feelings.
Just to add it wasn't like he went over and she was sitting down to eat and gave them a few bits it was stuff she took out of the freezer to cook whilst they were there.
We're also not in the UK so different visiting rules apply.
Aibu about this?

I'd be annoyed that his mother doesn't listen, and that he didn't phone to let you know asap. If this happens a lot you either tell him to be firm or accept and make allowances so like perhaps phine her say will you feed the children. Then she won't be the one in charge!

YANBU what a waste of food! I'd be pissed off

It doesn't sound like a big deal, can't they have yours for lunch tomorrow?

Did he dump the kids and go somewhere else? How can he have not seen what was going on?

Have you spoken to her about this op?

Does this really matter? They've been fed.

I hear you, this has happened many times to me. I'll have dinner done and it will be known I'm cooking but dh won't say no to mil, it's annoying because I hate food waste but if it's reheatable they will get it the following day. I usually don't cook when they go or give it to them before they go now

@Jamiefraserskilt no he was there whole time. They were only there an hour and half and had had lunch prior to going too again he knew this.

@katy1213 I'd be the exact same it's not a big deal but it frequently happens. In all honestly a once off I'd be fine about.

I’d be happy if someone fed my kids for me, but I’d expect him to text you and let you know if they’ve eaten or not so you don’t make a dinner no one is eating. But be happy it’s one less job for you!

@katy1213

Does this really matter? They've been fed.

Way to miss the point!!

IF this is a one off maybe, but someone who'll feed the kids when told they'll have food when they get home is probably not someone who's ignoring requests for the first time. And the main part of the problem - her DH lets his mother get on with it, with a weak 'I told her not to', rather than backing his wife, the DC's mother.

Am I right OP? This isn't the first time she's steamrollered you all?

Ah. x post with you OP. This isn't the only time.

YANBU. I'd be really P'd off top.

I understand your perspective, however as long as the kids are fed, that's the main thing that matters

Would it hurt to allow his mother to feed them if she wants to....?

If he is so afraid of saying "no" to his Mummy, call her yourself in advance and tell her what is happening and not to feed them - or come to mutual agreement about what is happening.

If it's not the first time I'd have sent them off expecting them to be fed and put my feet up. Choose your battles and you'll be a lot happier. Non event

@yellowmeadows Sorry - missed the point completely as clearly it's all about demon mothers-in-law daring to feed a child without written consent. Go zero contact for 2021 - what else can you do!

Assuming she meant well OP I'd let this go. Like PP said, chose your battles and keep the food in the freezer/fridge for later!

I would be annnoyed. Just put it in the fridge and reheat tomorrow and if he doesn’t like it tough

I would probably go with, "ok DP from now on when you take the kids to your mums I will assume they are eating, if she doesn't cook for them, you can do it upon your return"

You don't waste time being angry, resentful or cooking a meal then.

Any excuse to moan about my now ex mil would havve been entirely what you just wrote.
She used to always do that sort of thing and she utterly grilled my cheese.
No words of advice from me but I totally feel your pain and high levels of irk.

I second the don't ever cook if they are going to MIL.
We keep quick meals that I can make in 10 mins for things like this, that way you can have a relaxing time, while DH does Granny duty .

If this is the only issue then YAB-slightly-U. I know its annoying when you've planned a meal and this happens but, really, its not the end of the world. My own mum has form for feeding my DC and bringing my DC home from hers already fed but it makes her happy, she enjoys sitting down to eat with them, and it saves me a job so I let it slide. In future just work on the expectation that they will come home from her house already fed and plan dinner accordingly.

If however this is one issue alongside a series of other issues then you probably aren't being u reasonable to feel undermined. It all depends on the context.

@Justcallmebebes

If it's not the first time I'd have sent them off expecting them to be fed and put my feet up. Choose your battles and you'll be a lot happier. Non event

I'd do exactly this! Let her get on with it. Feed yourself. I'd even assume DH was eating there too. If not....he can sort himself out when he gets home!

@Bourbonbiccy

I would probably go with, "ok DP from now on when you take the kids to your mums I will assume they are eating, if she doesn't cook for them, you can do it upon your return"

You don't waste time being angry, resentful or cooking a meal then.

I agree with this (assuming that MIL’s meals are acceptable to you, which may not be the case if you’re Gwyneth Paltrow and she feeds them Maccy Ds).