My husband puts his mums feelings first

[yellowmeadows]

My husband popped over to his mums today and took the dc with him. I stayed home to do a few jobs and get a start on dinner (he knew this)
When he got home he told me his mum had fed the kids even though he told her not to as I was doing dinner back home. I asked him where he was whilst she had fed the kids as her downstairs is open plan and apparently he didn't see her.
If this was a once off I'd roll my eyes but stuff like this happens frequently. I'm more annoyed with my husband as his attitude is I told her not to give them anything what more do you want me to do. It feels like he was more upset to hurt his mums feelings.
Just to add it wasn't like he went over and she was sitting down to eat and gave them a few bits it was stuff she took out of the freezer to cook whilst they were there.
We're also not in the UK so different visiting rules apply.
Aibu about this?

[quote katy1213]@yellowmeadows Sorry - missed the point completely as clearly it's all about demon mothers-in-law daring to feed a child without written consent. Go zero contact for 2021 - what else can you do![/quote]
It’s not. The OP hasn’t said a word about her MIL.

Her issue is with her DH and the fact he doesn’t if she has spent time and energy cooking a meal for nothing

Why not just accept that when the kids go to his mums then she feeds them. Save yourself the pain and the work.

I agree with @Justcallmebebes for that specific point..
But I’m wondering if his attitude of not taking the OP into account is more general than that. And if he ignores the OP on other subject too

Why does it even matter? Keep any leftovers and give that to the kids for their lunch tomorrow!

Really couldn’t be letting this bother me at all

Why does it even matter? Keep any leftovers and give that to the kids for their lunch tomorrow

Agreed. Just feed it to them tomorrow. Not the end of the world.

Uuurgggh I hate mummies boys.

I do understand this but I would take the view.. Wahaay.. An hour to myself and no cooking for the dc
I love when dh takes dc to his mother's though I get grief for not going too. Another story.

I don't see this as a MIL issue, I see it as a DH who can't say no or go against what his Mum has said. I have the EXACT same problem. My MIL means well almost all of the time, but sometimes forgets that certian things aren't her place to decide, yet DP has little to no backbone to correct her. He would disappoint me 100 times over before even risking disappointing MIL.

He knew I had fed them lunch, he knew I was making dinner. He only decided to go to his mums as I was doing dinner to pop in for a cuppa and I even said to him I've made enough for the kids so please don't let your mum feed them. Again if this was a once off I'd let it slide but it happens frequently and I hate waste not to mention some leftovers don't look as appealing.

I don't think I could get worked up about this tbh

Does his mum speak English?

Serve it to DH for dinner tomorrow. In future when he takes kids to in-laws don't cook for them, let Mil do it. It will save you work and money. Spend time you save and food money on yourself.

So just let her crack on and feed him and the kids while you have a cooking free night

I’d be pissed off about wasted food and your husbands piss poor excuse that he didn’t “see” her cooking the dinner, dishing it up and the children eating it he could have either politely but firmly insisted that you were making their dinner or told you straight away that you didn’t need to because his mum was feeding the kids.

Next time don't cook, and in the unlikely event she doesn't feed them, he can pick something up on the way home.

I don’t think it is really a matter of standing up to her, she is providing them with a meal, maybe he thinks there is nothing wrong with that and nothing to stand up to her about.

Next time they go, don’t cook, or start to cook (or let DH cook) when they return if required.

Tell him to go by himself next time and leave the kids home . Fuck that. I am not slaving to make some food for my kids only for my mil to undermine me and for my husband to act like a disgruntled pelican and be absolutely useless.

Yesyes it is great is someone else cooks for your kids. But NOT when they are asked not to make them food. Then it is just fucking annoying.

Maybe next time have food in the freezer and then when they go to mil you can accompany them and tell her off if she thinks about cooking . And i wouldnt sugercoat either. This is typical mil being mil behavior. And dh being useless..

He needs to support you more
Does his mum always override you like this? She sounds quite overbearing

@Yeahnahmum

Tell him to go by himself next time and leave the kids home . Fuck that. I am not slaving to make some food for my kids only for my mil to undermine me and for my husband to act like a disgruntled pelican and be absolutely useless.

Yesyes it is great is someone else cooks for your kids. But NOT when they are asked not to make them food. Then it is just fucking annoying.

Maybe next time have food in the freezer and then when they go to mil you can accompany them and tell her off if she thinks about cooking . And i wouldnt sugercoat either. This is typical mil being mil behavior. And dh being useless..

Exactly this. I don't get all the pp saying it's saving a job, it's not. The op was at home preparing a three course meal from scratch it's just rude and ops dh needs to grow a spine.

Sorry she could have been preparing a three course meal.

Make sure they leave for home before any meal time.
Give visits more planning

It's the halfarsedness of him that would irritate me. Not capable of either saying to his mother "look, OP will have cooked dinner, so don't make us anything", not able to say to you in advance "don't make dinner, my mother always wants to cook for us and I don't like to say no" and then once he's created the two dinners problem, doesn't have the balls to even say to you "yeah I'm sorry, I should have said no but she loves feeding them and I feel bad if I refuse" - like, how do you trust someone like that? I was like that growing up (my mother has an anger management problem to put it mildly, I learned to tell her and others only what they wanted to hear) and at that time honestly, you wouldn't have wanted to trust a single thing that came out of my mouth. And when you're doing it, it doesn't feel like lying, but it is.